Average Italian

Uh.....yeah....I believed he really is Italian.....

Until he tried to take a drink and the glass collided with the cigarette in his mouth.

That gave him away.

Italians know how to drink wine.

You should work as a language translator. Say the same words that you would in American English but put 'e' on the end and it's the same as fluent Italian.

I wish this wasn't oddly compelling, damn it.