Has anyone ever went through a similar phase with their partner, yet still came out of in love and fine?
I’m going to get back on my med after a doc appointment soon. But like we had a fight. I got annoyed at something he said (just a joke but he was making it out like I don't care about his feelings when he just ignored what I felt), he felt upset that I was annoyed and that he felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me. He just wished he could be himself without being worried he might upset me. I only got upset at him legit once before this 2 weeks ago, but I guess he’s just feeling it because I like never showed him I was upset with him before the past month. Because I usually wasn’t or just bottled it up (yeah, I know). Now I just have a lower threshold of getting annoyed but it's not like I'm trying to make him feel bad. Isn’t it ok to be annoyed sometimes when it feels like your feeling are second class to his?
He always tells me when something upsets him because he wants to communicate and wants me to do the same but I feel like he just emotionally dumps on me. My emotional capacity is running really thin right now and it’s hard to deal with it. I told him it wasn’t really him that I was upset with, yeah I got annoyed but I was down because I was thinking “look you upset him again. Why can’t you just look happy on the outside? Why do you keep getting irritated over small things? Why can’t you be a less shitty partner? Why are you fucking like this.”
He doesn’t know these things. How am I supposed to tell him something to make him happy when I’m struggling to barely keep myself from drowning? I’m sorry that I suck as a partner. I can’t deal with his emotions on top of all of mine right now and he feels neglected.
I think we’re just too different. I don’t feel things strongly unless I’m upset. He’s a little more on the sensitive side. I feel like I’m always catering to his emotions more than he ever has to me and then he says the same thing back at me now that I've finally let my emotions show.
He’s the first person I think I’ve really ever loved. But then sometimes I start to question whether my feelings are real. Or his. He says he loves me, but can he love me like this? Doubt it. I’m just trash. I just feel off my rockers right now after I kinda exploded some of this nonsense at him. I need some perspective. Am I being an asshole and hurting his feelings and not realizing it? Is he overreacting? Is it ok to be annoyed?! I (25/f) am so damn frustrated with my boyfriend (26/m) that I am at my wit's end! Backstory: SO and I have been together for about 3.5 years now. We're happy for the most part. We do have arguments, but who doesn't? I've always been the type to understand that arguments are part and parcel of being in a relationship. While you can't completely avoid them, there's always a way to deal with them better. I've learnt over years that shouting does no good, so I speak calmly and softly whenever I want to be heard.
Problem: My SO has a very, VERY short temper. He's irksome and gets irritated all too easily. You know that feeling you get when you're dealing with someone who might get annoyed way too easily? That's the feeling I get with him. He gets annoyed too easily. He's always on the edge and it takes little to push him over.
You should know that he is the silent, less-communicative type. Doesn't talk much and so doesn't do a great job at expressing himself. I've made my peace with it, but sometimes it gets to be a bit of a problem. Why? Because right after a fight, he cuts me off completely! He won't talk to me AT ALL for 2, 3, and sometimes even 4 days! When he returns, he'll be a little distant and won't really broach the topic at all. By this time, I'm so tired of trying to reach him and missing him, that I can't bring myself to discuss the argument at hand. Sometimes he'll bring up the subject and we'll have a "discussion" where I do most of the talking and he listens to me quietly. I have to keep questioning him to make sure he understands. Arggghhhh! It's so damn frustrating! Problem at hand, we had a fight on Valentine's Day. Yep, Valentine's Day. It was stupid and could have been avoided. I cooked him a lovely meal, he bought me flowers and we were just about to sit down for dinner when he said he'd be going out the next night with his colleagues. Now this wouldn't be a problem to me any other night, but we've been working long hours off late and haven't had much time together. I stupidly made a comment about how his colleagues see more of him than I do....and that's it. He got upset. Said I was looking to fight with him and that I'd ruined Valentine's Day and he was upset because he'd been looking forward to it all day. He left right after dinner. Didn't speak to me till Monday. On Monday, he came over, but didn't bring up the subject (yet again!). I got annoyed and snapped at him. Didn't raise my voice, though. he got mad because he said I was fighting with him again and of course, did what he always does- walked out of my house (we don't live together), went home and sent me a message saying he wanted me to leave him alone and has not said anything to me since. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but my boyfriend of 4 years frequently speaks to me in a tone that give me the impression that he either 1) thinks I'm extremely dumb or 2) is very irritated by the things I say or my presence. For example, the other day we were playing a game and I had forgotten what the score was a couple of times during the game. Each time I needed a reminder, he got more and more frustrated with me to the point that I just wanted to stop playing the game (even though he also forgot the score at least once but I didn't get angry or upset over it with him). It happened again today when we were talking about traveling somewhere, and he had this harsh tone in his voice explaining to me how long it would take to get there (he's been there many times, I've never been there before, so I didn't realize the time it would take to travel there).
These probably seem like minor events. I don't think I would think anything of them it they didn't occur so regularly. But since they happen at a rate of at least once per day, I am beginning to think something is wrong with our relationship. It starting to make me feeling like I'm incredibly stupid or maybe there is something deeper going (like maybe he just doesn't like me that much). I'm worried if I bring it up with him, he'll think I'm being over-sensitive (and maybe I am?). Any advice about how I should approach fixing this situation? I'm honestly a bit wasteful with my money, but never to the point of being dangeriously wasteful (My bills are always paid and I've always got savings in case). But more and more recently this is beomcing a problem as he doesn't approve of me spending money on anything he considers a waste and I'm starting to feel it's affecting my quality of life a little.
He was always brought up to be a very frugal person, to the point of... frankly, often being quite cheap. He's had long periods of unemployment which contribute to this, but these habits were simply how he was brought up (His mother is exactly the same).
I often give into him as I know it makes him unconfortable to spend money, But I'm starting to to miss little things in my life - like meals chosen on taste over being the cheapest or not shopping for food by looking at the expirary shelf. Recently I've been getting flak for ordering something online and paying a little extra for a faster delivery.
This also affects my life in other ways as he refuses to ever let me pay for him. I know it's a hit to his pride, but we're a couple and I would hope at this point it could be considered more of a joint thing. But since I can't pay for him theres also a lot of activities that we can't afford to do anymore. We don't go out anywhere near as much as he won't spend the money.
To be honest it feels like I'm having to live as a student again when, for once, I can actually afford not to.
I don't know how to approach this with him without making it sound like I'm calling him cheap, making light of his situation or being patronising about the fact I'll give him money for things. My boyfriend (22m), his best female friend (Dee, 27f), and I (23f) are studying the same degree. We started dating less than a year ago during spring break, but he and Dee have been friends since first semester. I knew her, but we weren't very close. She was one of the first to know that we were a couple and she was happy for us. I didn't think anything weird about it, until a few months ago.
She calls him quite a lot. Almost three times a day. They're very brief calls and for mundane things (schedule, homework, tests), things that can be asked by text. My boyfriend doesn't hide anything from me, he always shows me that it's she who calls him and answers on loudspeaker. The first thing she does after greeting him is to ask "are you with her? (me)" and he says yes. Sometimes she calls him after 2 in the morning or when we are in the middle of intimacy, so it's annoying.
What made me go from being annoyed to hating her was when we were assigned the same place for our practices. Everything was going well at first, sometimes she gave me rides in her car, offered to go buy me lunch and lent me work materials. I came to consider her a friend, until some time later.
When other practitioners came, she got weird. She started referring to me as "the idiot" instead of my first name. If someone asked about a topic, she would say "this idiot knows" or "ask this idiot about it". I never had many female friends, so I thought she was just being funny. Then she started criticizing me. If I made a mistake, didn't do things as she recommended me to or didn't support her in something, she would scold me as ir she were my boss or my mom, always in front of the rest of the practitioners.
I've always had a very peculiar humor, and I cannot hide it. If I'm in a bad mood, I don't want anyone to talk to me and I tend to snap back. When it happened, she immediately got angry and complained about me with the other practitioners, saying things like "doesn't it bother you that this idiot is so moody?" or "tell this idiot to change her mood", which made me feel down. In addition, she organized a weekly lunch outing with all the practitioners on Thursday, my only day off from the practice. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because they're very good friends, and since he's an only child he values his friendships very much. I also don't want to be the typical jealous girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from having female friends. But I can't stand it anymore. I've come to hate my practice. I don't know why she acts like this with me. I know she doesn't want my boyfriend because she has been in a relationship for years, and I'm not a confrontational person to make her stop. However, multiple times a week, he will come up to me while I am in the middle of something (cooking, watching a movie, doing laundry) and he will show me his phone and tell me to watch a video. It's usually a monologue from a show that week and they last a long time, like 3 minutes at least. I've told him many times that I do not like being forced to watch videos like this, but this hurts his feelings. In addition to this, he will send me multiple instagram reels and if I do not watch them as soon as he sends them, he will come find me and tell me that I need to watch them.
If I tell him I don't feel like watching videos right now, he gets his feelings hurt. I am at the point where instantly as soon as he starts putting his phone up to my face for me to watch something I'm immediately annoyed. I won't enjoy whatever it is, and I have told him this many times. I look visibly irritated and am using shuffling around trying to get away from the phone. This upsets him and he thinks I'm not taking any interest in his hobbies. The thing is though, I have plenty of my own hobbies and interests and I never send videos to him to watch. And I never get annoyed with him for not wanting to watch them. I understand it's not interesting to him so it doesn't bother me. Saturday My boyfriend and I planned a date. We were going to the golf course and then to have dinner. I don't really play golf but I enjoy riding in the cart, flirting with him, and occasionally chipping/putting.
So Saturday morning we made some drinks and headed to golf course. When we get there my boyfriend sees a friend of his, Chad, playing with some other people, so he waves at him and we say hey.
After this we get a light snack then start playing golf. The round is going okay but my boyfriend is getting annoyed that he isnt playing so well. I'm still enjoying the sun and having fun putting and chipping.
About half way through the round of golf, Chad pulls up in his cart. Him and my boyfriend start chatting and I hear Chad mention joining us and playing the back half again. My boyfriend agrees and gets back into our cart to move on.
I ask my boyfriend if Chad is joining us and he says yes and asks if it's a problem. I explain that I thought we were playing together and would prefer him not, my boyfriend brushes me off and says we are still playing together a friend is just joining us.
The problem is we haven't had a date in awhile, Chad and bf golfed together 2 days prior, and I don't really enjoy hanging out with Chad as he's kinda condescending and I get a little anxious around people I'm not close to. So instead of putting/chipping anymore, I just stayed in the cart and played on my phone.
We got into an argument after golf and canceled dinner. Now we are at a standstill where boyfriend says he didn't do anything wrong and instead of having fun with him and his friend I ruined my own day and ignored them for my phone. I'm annoyed he put hanging out with his friend before our date, but now I'm questioning whether I should have just tried to have fun with him and his friend. AITA?
People are saying I should clarify. When I said "I don't really play golf" I didn't mean I dislike playing golf, I just don't really know how to play. My boyfriend is teaching me but I'm at a very beginner level and still get nervous when other people are watching/judging. I love my boyfriend. Having him in my life is something I’m very grateful for. We’ve been together for 2.5 years now. Lately he’s been.. quieter? Harder to talk to? I feel like I’m constantly pulling to get him to want to converse with me, to the point that i just feel like an idiot talking to myself. For example, if I’m talking about my day and it gets interrupted (a waiter asks how our food is for example) if I didn’t continue talking and finishing the sentence, he wouldn’t even ask or want me to continue what I was saying. Does that make sense? Everything I do makes him irritable.. I’ll try to be happy and crack a joke and instead of laughing he’ll say it’s not really funny or criticize the joke ex: “a chicken would never be able to cross a road, it’s in a coop” then I just feel bad and don’t want to talk anymore. I used to be able to make him laugh constantly, we always had fun. Just this morning I was organizing the garage and apparently I was doing it too loudly. Saying like “who even moves a box that loudly? Stop shifting the shelf so badly, that not even how you do it, no one does it like that”. I didn’t know how to respond. How do I act in a way that everyone else moves a shelf.. then when I try to stand up for myself, I’m just annoying and not “acting like how I used to when we met”..that hurt a lot when he said that. Idk how to act anymore. He never used to be like this. He never takes me out anymore or go out with his work friends. But when I ask I just get a nod. I feel so confused.. he never used to be like this. Is he losing interest? Is that why everything I do is annoying? I feel bad and second guess every move I do so that I don’t get criticized or feel like a bother. What’s going on here.. I(F29) bring up a topic with my boyfriend(M28) that upsets me and if I have to bring up the same topic, I end up getting extremely rude with my boyfriend. I don't know if it's the way I am bringing it up. But every single time this happens, it ends the same. Me still being upset and him somehow making me feel guilty for being upset. And him taking no accountability to making me upset.
Pretty much how it goes:
I bring up something he has done to upset me -> He ignores me -> I start getting mad -> He finally answers with no emotion/feeling bad and switches it onto me -> He shuts down -> I end up apologizing -> I am left still feeling upset and don't understand how I am the one apologizing.
Men Redditors Out There - Do I not deserve to still be upset even if I brought it up in a not so nice matter? How would you handle this if you were him?
He never apologizes when he does make me upset, that's what is so hurtful. Sometimes he will say "I know I fucked up". Then it turns into this heated fight because he shuts down and somehow guilt trips me for bringing up anything he has done to upset me. I feel like my feelings don't matter and it's creating so much rage in me that it's hard for me to calmly bring up anything to him at this point. Especially when the same topics that hurt me, are continuously being brought up again every few months or so.
How does my boyfriend not understand this? How do I always end up apologizing and feeling guilty?
I love this man and we are good all the times except for when we fight which is barely ever. Is this a red flag on his part? Or maybe it's a red flag on my part that I am even allowing this to continue. For background, my husband and I dated for eight years before getting married one year ago. I thought we did everything right by waiting a long time, living together for a few years, and waiting till mid/late twenties to get married. Nothing was rushed, everything was deliberate and well thought out. So why do I feel this way?
Essentially, my husband has always had deep interests in a few hobbies (anime, video games, etc) and he's had these interests since I met him. I am really into a couple things as well (books, sports, etc). But for a while now I've felt...annoyed by him? Annoyed by his interests? We've never had these hobbies in common and usually subscribe to the 'alone but together' way of doing things, pursuing our hobbies in the same room, maybe some passive physical touch (feet touching, etc). But for the past several months, as soon as I walk into a room and see him watching anime, or playing a video game, I just walk away and go to another room. I don't want to be in the same room as him. I feel myself getting frustrated almost immediately. Even the sound of certain games makes me grit my teeth. On the flip side, he finds my interest in hobbies 'cute' to this day, so I feel extra bad for having these feelings.
He's not an addict or anything. Yeah, he stays up late playing games and stuff, but it doesn't get in the way of his job or anything. If I ask for time with him he's willing to put anime/games aside, or at least willing to schedule a time with me. But I'm just angry anyway. I will say that while COVID may have some to do with this, I'm an essential worker so it's not like we're together all day every day.
I'm finding it harder to talk to him too. I find myself seeking out people who share my interests (these days mostly online communities) to talk to rather than explaining stuff to him. Similarly, I've encouraged him to reach out more to friends to play games with and watch anime. As a result we don't talk as much. Other than the perfunctory "how was your day, fine, how was yours" over and over.
Is it normal to be annoyed with a partner like this? Idk if it's relevant, but we don't have a ton of sex either. Maybe three times a month at most. I find myself preferring self-pleasure these days rather than asking him if he's interested. He rarely asks me much either, he says he doesn't like to bother m
He always tells me when something upsets him because he wants to communicate and wants me to do the same but I feel like he just emotionally dumps on me. My emotional capacity is running really thin right now and it’s hard to deal with it. I told him it wasn’t really him that I was upset with, yeah I got annoyed but I was down because I was thinking “look you upset him again. Why can’t you just look happy on the outside? Why do you keep getting irritated over small things? Why can’t you be a less shitty partner? Why are you fucking like this.”
He doesn’t know these things. How am I supposed to tell him something to make him happy when I’m struggling to barely keep myself from drowning? I’m sorry that I suck as a partner. I can’t deal with his emotions on top of all of mine right now and he feels neglected.
I think we’re just too different. I don’t feel things strongly unless I’m upset. He’s a little more on the sensitive side. I feel like I’m always catering to his emotions more than he ever has to me and then he says the same thing back at me now that I've finally let my emotions show.
He’s the first person I think I’ve really ever loved. But then sometimes I start to question whether my feelings are real. Or his. He says he loves me, but can he love me like this? Doubt it. I’m just trash. I just feel off my rockers right now after I kinda exploded some of this nonsense at him. I need some perspective. Am I being an asshole and hurting his feelings and not realizing it? Is he overreacting? Is it ok to be annoyed?! I (25/f) am so damn frustrated with my boyfriend (26/m) that I am at my wit's end! Backstory: SO and I have been together for about 3.5 years now. We're happy for the most part. We do have arguments, but who doesn't? I've always been the type to understand that arguments are part and parcel of being in a relationship. While you can't completely avoid them, there's always a way to deal with them better. I've learnt over years that shouting does no good, so I speak calmly and softly whenever I want to be heard.
Problem: My SO has a very, VERY short temper. He's irksome and gets irritated all too easily. You know that feeling you get when you're dealing with someone who might get annoyed way too easily? That's the feeling I get with him. He gets annoyed too easily. He's always on the edge and it takes little to push him over.
You should know that he is the silent, less-communicative type. Doesn't talk much and so doesn't do a great job at expressing himself. I've made my peace with it, but sometimes it gets to be a bit of a problem. Why? Because right after a fight, he cuts me off completely! He won't talk to me AT ALL for 2, 3, and sometimes even 4 days! When he returns, he'll be a little distant and won't really broach the topic at all. By this time, I'm so tired of trying to reach him and missing him, that I can't bring myself to discuss the argument at hand. Sometimes he'll bring up the subject and we'll have a "discussion" where I do most of the talking and he listens to me quietly. I have to keep questioning him to make sure he understands. Arggghhhh! It's so damn frustrating! Problem at hand, we had a fight on Valentine's Day. Yep, Valentine's Day. It was stupid and could have been avoided. I cooked him a lovely meal, he bought me flowers and we were just about to sit down for dinner when he said he'd be going out the next night with his colleagues. Now this wouldn't be a problem to me any other night, but we've been working long hours off late and haven't had much time together. I stupidly made a comment about how his colleagues see more of him than I do....and that's it. He got upset. Said I was looking to fight with him and that I'd ruined Valentine's Day and he was upset because he'd been looking forward to it all day. He left right after dinner. Didn't speak to me till Monday. On Monday, he came over, but didn't bring up the subject (yet again!). I got annoyed and snapped at him. Didn't raise my voice, though. he got mad because he said I was fighting with him again and of course, did what he always does- walked out of my house (we don't live together), went home and sent me a message saying he wanted me to leave him alone and has not said anything to me since. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, but my boyfriend of 4 years frequently speaks to me in a tone that give me the impression that he either 1) thinks I'm extremely dumb or 2) is very irritated by the things I say or my presence. For example, the other day we were playing a game and I had forgotten what the score was a couple of times during the game. Each time I needed a reminder, he got more and more frustrated with me to the point that I just wanted to stop playing the game (even though he also forgot the score at least once but I didn't get angry or upset over it with him). It happened again today when we were talking about traveling somewhere, and he had this harsh tone in his voice explaining to me how long it would take to get there (he's been there many times, I've never been there before, so I didn't realize the time it would take to travel there).
These probably seem like minor events. I don't think I would think anything of them it they didn't occur so regularly. But since they happen at a rate of at least once per day, I am beginning to think something is wrong with our relationship. It starting to make me feeling like I'm incredibly stupid or maybe there is something deeper going (like maybe he just doesn't like me that much). I'm worried if I bring it up with him, he'll think I'm being over-sensitive (and maybe I am?). Any advice about how I should approach fixing this situation? I'm honestly a bit wasteful with my money, but never to the point of being dangeriously wasteful (My bills are always paid and I've always got savings in case). But more and more recently this is beomcing a problem as he doesn't approve of me spending money on anything he considers a waste and I'm starting to feel it's affecting my quality of life a little.
He was always brought up to be a very frugal person, to the point of... frankly, often being quite cheap. He's had long periods of unemployment which contribute to this, but these habits were simply how he was brought up (His mother is exactly the same).
I often give into him as I know it makes him unconfortable to spend money, But I'm starting to to miss little things in my life - like meals chosen on taste over being the cheapest or not shopping for food by looking at the expirary shelf. Recently I've been getting flak for ordering something online and paying a little extra for a faster delivery.
This also affects my life in other ways as he refuses to ever let me pay for him. I know it's a hit to his pride, but we're a couple and I would hope at this point it could be considered more of a joint thing. But since I can't pay for him theres also a lot of activities that we can't afford to do anymore. We don't go out anywhere near as much as he won't spend the money.
To be honest it feels like I'm having to live as a student again when, for once, I can actually afford not to.
I don't know how to approach this with him without making it sound like I'm calling him cheap, making light of his situation or being patronising about the fact I'll give him money for things. My boyfriend (22m), his best female friend (Dee, 27f), and I (23f) are studying the same degree. We started dating less than a year ago during spring break, but he and Dee have been friends since first semester. I knew her, but we weren't very close. She was one of the first to know that we were a couple and she was happy for us. I didn't think anything weird about it, until a few months ago.
She calls him quite a lot. Almost three times a day. They're very brief calls and for mundane things (schedule, homework, tests), things that can be asked by text. My boyfriend doesn't hide anything from me, he always shows me that it's she who calls him and answers on loudspeaker. The first thing she does after greeting him is to ask "are you with her? (me)" and he says yes. Sometimes she calls him after 2 in the morning or when we are in the middle of intimacy, so it's annoying.
What made me go from being annoyed to hating her was when we were assigned the same place for our practices. Everything was going well at first, sometimes she gave me rides in her car, offered to go buy me lunch and lent me work materials. I came to consider her a friend, until some time later.
When other practitioners came, she got weird. She started referring to me as "the idiot" instead of my first name. If someone asked about a topic, she would say "this idiot knows" or "ask this idiot about it". I never had many female friends, so I thought she was just being funny. Then she started criticizing me. If I made a mistake, didn't do things as she recommended me to or didn't support her in something, she would scold me as ir she were my boss or my mom, always in front of the rest of the practitioners.
I've always had a very peculiar humor, and I cannot hide it. If I'm in a bad mood, I don't want anyone to talk to me and I tend to snap back. When it happened, she immediately got angry and complained about me with the other practitioners, saying things like "doesn't it bother you that this idiot is so moody?" or "tell this idiot to change her mood", which made me feel down. In addition, she organized a weekly lunch outing with all the practitioners on Thursday, my only day off from the practice. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because they're very good friends, and since he's an only child he values his friendships very much. I also don't want to be the typical jealous girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from having female friends. But I can't stand it anymore. I've come to hate my practice. I don't know why she acts like this with me. I know she doesn't want my boyfriend because she has been in a relationship for years, and I'm not a confrontational person to make her stop. However, multiple times a week, he will come up to me while I am in the middle of something (cooking, watching a movie, doing laundry) and he will show me his phone and tell me to watch a video. It's usually a monologue from a show that week and they last a long time, like 3 minutes at least. I've told him many times that I do not like being forced to watch videos like this, but this hurts his feelings. In addition to this, he will send me multiple instagram reels and if I do not watch them as soon as he sends them, he will come find me and tell me that I need to watch them.
If I tell him I don't feel like watching videos right now, he gets his feelings hurt. I am at the point where instantly as soon as he starts putting his phone up to my face for me to watch something I'm immediately annoyed. I won't enjoy whatever it is, and I have told him this many times. I look visibly irritated and am using shuffling around trying to get away from the phone. This upsets him and he thinks I'm not taking any interest in his hobbies. The thing is though, I have plenty of my own hobbies and interests and I never send videos to him to watch. And I never get annoyed with him for not wanting to watch them. I understand it's not interesting to him so it doesn't bother me. Saturday My boyfriend and I planned a date. We were going to the golf course and then to have dinner. I don't really play golf but I enjoy riding in the cart, flirting with him, and occasionally chipping/putting.
So Saturday morning we made some drinks and headed to golf course. When we get there my boyfriend sees a friend of his, Chad, playing with some other people, so he waves at him and we say hey.
After this we get a light snack then start playing golf. The round is going okay but my boyfriend is getting annoyed that he isnt playing so well. I'm still enjoying the sun and having fun putting and chipping.
About half way through the round of golf, Chad pulls up in his cart. Him and my boyfriend start chatting and I hear Chad mention joining us and playing the back half again. My boyfriend agrees and gets back into our cart to move on.
I ask my boyfriend if Chad is joining us and he says yes and asks if it's a problem. I explain that I thought we were playing together and would prefer him not, my boyfriend brushes me off and says we are still playing together a friend is just joining us.
The problem is we haven't had a date in awhile, Chad and bf golfed together 2 days prior, and I don't really enjoy hanging out with Chad as he's kinda condescending and I get a little anxious around people I'm not close to. So instead of putting/chipping anymore, I just stayed in the cart and played on my phone.
We got into an argument after golf and canceled dinner. Now we are at a standstill where boyfriend says he didn't do anything wrong and instead of having fun with him and his friend I ruined my own day and ignored them for my phone. I'm annoyed he put hanging out with his friend before our date, but now I'm questioning whether I should have just tried to have fun with him and his friend. AITA?
People are saying I should clarify. When I said "I don't really play golf" I didn't mean I dislike playing golf, I just don't really know how to play. My boyfriend is teaching me but I'm at a very beginner level and still get nervous when other people are watching/judging. I love my boyfriend. Having him in my life is something I’m very grateful for. We’ve been together for 2.5 years now. Lately he’s been.. quieter? Harder to talk to? I feel like I’m constantly pulling to get him to want to converse with me, to the point that i just feel like an idiot talking to myself. For example, if I’m talking about my day and it gets interrupted (a waiter asks how our food is for example) if I didn’t continue talking and finishing the sentence, he wouldn’t even ask or want me to continue what I was saying. Does that make sense? Everything I do makes him irritable.. I’ll try to be happy and crack a joke and instead of laughing he’ll say it’s not really funny or criticize the joke ex: “a chicken would never be able to cross a road, it’s in a coop” then I just feel bad and don’t want to talk anymore. I used to be able to make him laugh constantly, we always had fun. Just this morning I was organizing the garage and apparently I was doing it too loudly. Saying like “who even moves a box that loudly? Stop shifting the shelf so badly, that not even how you do it, no one does it like that”. I didn’t know how to respond. How do I act in a way that everyone else moves a shelf.. then when I try to stand up for myself, I’m just annoying and not “acting like how I used to when we met”..that hurt a lot when he said that. Idk how to act anymore. He never used to be like this. He never takes me out anymore or go out with his work friends. But when I ask I just get a nod. I feel so confused.. he never used to be like this. Is he losing interest? Is that why everything I do is annoying? I feel bad and second guess every move I do so that I don’t get criticized or feel like a bother. What’s going on here.. I(F29) bring up a topic with my boyfriend(M28) that upsets me and if I have to bring up the same topic, I end up getting extremely rude with my boyfriend. I don't know if it's the way I am bringing it up. But every single time this happens, it ends the same. Me still being upset and him somehow making me feel guilty for being upset. And him taking no accountability to making me upset.
Pretty much how it goes:
I bring up something he has done to upset me -> He ignores me -> I start getting mad -> He finally answers with no emotion/feeling bad and switches it onto me -> He shuts down -> I end up apologizing -> I am left still feeling upset and don't understand how I am the one apologizing.
Men Redditors Out There - Do I not deserve to still be upset even if I brought it up in a not so nice matter? How would you handle this if you were him?
He never apologizes when he does make me upset, that's what is so hurtful. Sometimes he will say "I know I fucked up". Then it turns into this heated fight because he shuts down and somehow guilt trips me for bringing up anything he has done to upset me. I feel like my feelings don't matter and it's creating so much rage in me that it's hard for me to calmly bring up anything to him at this point. Especially when the same topics that hurt me, are continuously being brought up again every few months or so.
How does my boyfriend not understand this? How do I always end up apologizing and feeling guilty?
I love this man and we are good all the times except for when we fight which is barely ever. Is this a red flag on his part? Or maybe it's a red flag on my part that I am even allowing this to continue. For background, my husband and I dated for eight years before getting married one year ago. I thought we did everything right by waiting a long time, living together for a few years, and waiting till mid/late twenties to get married. Nothing was rushed, everything was deliberate and well thought out. So why do I feel this way?
Essentially, my husband has always had deep interests in a few hobbies (anime, video games, etc) and he's had these interests since I met him. I am really into a couple things as well (books, sports, etc). But for a while now I've felt...annoyed by him? Annoyed by his interests? We've never had these hobbies in common and usually subscribe to the 'alone but together' way of doing things, pursuing our hobbies in the same room, maybe some passive physical touch (feet touching, etc). But for the past several months, as soon as I walk into a room and see him watching anime, or playing a video game, I just walk away and go to another room. I don't want to be in the same room as him. I feel myself getting frustrated almost immediately. Even the sound of certain games makes me grit my teeth. On the flip side, he finds my interest in hobbies 'cute' to this day, so I feel extra bad for having these feelings.
He's not an addict or anything. Yeah, he stays up late playing games and stuff, but it doesn't get in the way of his job or anything. If I ask for time with him he's willing to put anime/games aside, or at least willing to schedule a time with me. But I'm just angry anyway. I will say that while COVID may have some to do with this, I'm an essential worker so it's not like we're together all day every day.
I'm finding it harder to talk to him too. I find myself seeking out people who share my interests (these days mostly online communities) to talk to rather than explaining stuff to him. Similarly, I've encouraged him to reach out more to friends to play games with and watch anime. As a result we don't talk as much. Other than the perfunctory "how was your day, fine, how was yours" over and over.
Is it normal to be annoyed with a partner like this? Idk if it's relevant, but we don't have a ton of sex either. Maybe three times a month at most. I find myself preferring self-pleasure these days rather than asking him if he's interested. He rarely asks me much either, he says he doesn't like to bother m
