Why am I starting to be annoyed by my boyfriend?
I used to adore my boyfriend but now I can't stand him. Why has this happened and does it mean for our future? I’m starting to feel I don't love my boyfriend anymore. In the beginning, I loved him so much and planned for our future. Now, I don't know if I see that anymore. Why is this? Usually, I'm a pretty laid back person. I don't get irritated or angry very easily. We've been together for 6 happy years, but over the past year or two I've found increasingly that I'll get irritated about really menial things, which sometimes results in my snapping at my boyfriend for no reason. Particularly things that he does often, i.e mannerisms. For example, mispronouncing things repeatedly, using made-up words (which I used to find endearing), doing general housekeeping tasks differently than I would like them done, and asking me what I'm doing when it's obvious (''oh you're cooking?'' when I'm in the process of cooking, or ''oh you're done watching tv?'' when I turn the tv off). I've tried really hard to work on this, and to some degree I've gotten better, but I'm still frequently getting upset with him when he hasn't done anything wrong. I feel so guilty because he doesn't deserve it, and I don't understand why I'm angry.
I have a brother with BPD and it reminds me of how he would get furious at us over nothing growing up. It kinda freaks me out that I'm behaving like him in a small way.
Before anyone asks - I'm not on any medications or birth control. This problem preceded covid and we're both working so aren't seeing more of each other than usual.
So me and my boyfriend have been living together now for almost two years and its been fine. Recently I've been finding him so annoying and childish, he's always making really annoying dad jokes and quoting tik toks over and over again and I cant even bring myself to try to giggle anymore. I'm starting to think I'm just a lot more mature then him and just want him to become more like man and grow up a little. I'm at the point I dont want him to touch me, I dont want to have sex and I encourage him to go out as often as I can because I want to be alone. I feel like I'm putting on a fake smile so he thinks were okay when I get home but like I dont want him at the house like ever. I don't want to bring this up because it's kind of mean to say and I dont want him to feel like I want his while personality to change. Its just such a tough time to "take a break" because we both have no where to go or can afford the rent but ourselves. We moved in together to quick. Together 8 months and in a long-distance relationship. Let's call him Jonas. Jonas is so thoughtful, kind-hearted, patient, and sweet, but for some reason his overflowing positivity and generosity is driving me insane. We come from vastly different backgrounds. I'm American from the gritty outskirts of the city, and he's Canadian. He makes a significantly more money than I do, and I do pretty well for myself. At first we were splitting the cost of flights, but my budget can't support the frequent trips, so he assured me it's okay for him to take on the cost to see me. I was a little uncomfortable with the lopsided monetary investment in our relationship, but OK. He bought a few flights, but within a couple weeks, was planning trips out every weekend to come see me. This was just the beginning to what has quickly evolved into suffocating levels of generosity and attention.
At the start of our relationship, he got me few knickknacks and cute things, but it has grown into something way beyond that. He has surprised me with countless gifts (electronics, books, handmade letters and photo montages, a new Bose sound system [????], deliveries of delicate/rare flowers, etc.), all of which I appreciate, but it is quickly getting to the point where it's just too much!! I now dread seeing packages for me in my building because I know he's ordered me a small surprise or gift. I tell him that I don't want him buying me anything, and I don't like accepting this extravagant show of affection because it makes me uncomfortable. I can't reciprocate, and for whatever reason that I can't pinpoint, it really is starting to piss me off. His response is that I'm just not used to being spoiled, that he never has reciprocity in mind, and that he likes making my life easier because he cares for me and loves me so much. Jonas is so genuine, and so naturally selfless, that I can't fault him for this, but it is starting to make me inexplicably angry.
Aside from the material excesses, he is also overly attentive to me to the point where I am suffocated. I had a serious talk with him the other day about how I'm like a succulent... he's over-watering me, and even though his intention is to love me and see me grow, it's killing me. I stub my toe, and he jumps off the couch to run to see if I'm okay; or I get frustrated with a deadline at work and he stays up all night until 4 AM after I've gone to sleep to finish my requirements for me (we're in the same industry). I mindless bump into a wall, he's running over and kissing my shoulder. I can't say or do anything without constant, suffocating attention or a solution (monetary or otherwise) to make it better or right. All of these things are objectively lovely, and nice and generous and kind. But I am going NUTS. I tell him to stop, but he insists that I'm just not used to someone loving me so unconditionally, and that he'll keep proving to me how much he cares about me and loves me. We've been together for a little over two years, been living together for 10 months. We've been together through the loss of a baby, a literal gang rape, long distance, etc. I was so deeply in love with him even when all that was happening. I couldn't wait to see him on skype every night for hours and hours, and was more than willing to spend hundreds of dollars on VIA train tickets for the year we were long distance, sometimes opting to pay for a first class seat if all the economy class seats were taken, instead of waiting 'til the next day. However, since we started living together, I just want to bite his head off half the time and I have like -10 sex drive.
Take 30 minutes ago, for example. He just came home from work. I'm trying to study for a psychology exam tomorrow morning. He jumped up on the bed and rubbed his face in my back, trying to be cute I guess, and all I could do was turn and give him a quick smile because if I let myself do anything else, I would have wound up saying "can you fucking stop? You're not a cat." He said he loved me, I said I loved him too. The movie I had to watch for class cut to commercial, I said "you should go get some dinner for yourself, this is just going to be ads for a few minutes". He said "yeah, I will. Are you mad at me?" I told him no I was just tired and had had a long day. He then says "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" Well now I fucking am! Of course, I don't say that though. Of course, I said no. He got up and, once at the bedroom door, in his sappiest voice goes "I really do love you, you know" and all I could bring myself to do was laugh/scoff, raise my eyebrows, nod, and say "yeah, I know".
I get so annoyed with hearing this incredibly sappy bullshit ALL the time. Like, he tells me he loves me 15 times a day. I'm told I'm "(his) everything" at least once every other day, along with "if I didn't have you my life would be horrible," "I don't want to think of what life would be like without you," "you're my world," "I can't wait to marry you," "[insert something about our future children/marriage]," "I missed you so much today, did you miss me?". I get annoyed at all of them. I feel trapped. About 75% of my heart already has one foot out the door of this relationship but the other 25% is staying and I honestly don't even think it's out of love but I don't flinch when I tell him I love him. Does that mean I'm lying but don't want to admit it to myself? Does that mean I really love him but the love doesn't outweigh the negatives of the relationship?
I understand that I have my own flaws as a partner. I'm not intimate often enough, but that's partially because I'm fucking depressed and stressed all the time, I never get enough sleep (he practically knees me out of bed every night), he never lets me know that he finds me sexually appealing unless I ask if he does, and I kind of mother him and he totally lets me and (let's be real) nobody with a healthy mind wants to sleep with someone who they half-view as a child they have to take care of. I understand I can be a bit controlling with my money and I try to control his too, but that's because I'm literally out of money for the rest of the month already because I spend it literally all on groceries and other necessities, I can show you my bills if you don't believe me, (I don't even have money to buy simple christmas gifts for my family) and he's fucking acting like it's the end of the world when I ask for grocery money, despite the fact that he doesn't pay off his debts, he doesn't pay for school, he doesn't pay for a phone bill (because he fucking uses my phone that my mom has to pay for because I can't afford to pay it myself, he got kicked off his phone plan for racking up debts), all he does is pay his portion of rent and utilities and some groceries if I beg him to do it. It's not that I want to control him or his money, I just want him to help me out financially. He's stolen money from me once before for cigarettes, and taken huge chunks of money from his portion of savings for first/last on the apartment we're supposed to start renting in two months. All he ever does is talk about paintball, or bitch about our roommates, or bitch about work. Everything is always someone else's fault. He can't even commit to doing something small, like throwing out a goddamn bedbug-ridden comforter and pillow despite the fact that I'm beyond allergic to those bugs! He refuses to stand up for himself to friends, work, anything, but then turns around and bitches about how he gets treated. I make dinner for us, and good dinners too, every single night but apparently that doesn't count as contributing to housework? I've gotten so sick of the lack of thanks I get for putting in an hour of my time into the kitchen, I've just stopped making meals for two if he's at work later than 8:30 (I used to make a good meal and save his portion for when he got home, reheat it for him, sit with him, try to get him to talk about his day or anything at all for that matter). He doesn't seem to understand nonverbal communication. Like... at all. I understand women are naturally more in tune with that, but last night I asked him to pass me (MY) grey pillow from HIS side of the bed, because apparently he needs three pillows and I only need one or whatever the reason was that he took it, and he was like "yeah sure" but then he let out this exasperated sigh and basically slammed the pillow against my stomach. I was like "Um... what's up your butt?" and he was totally clueless as to what he did.
I get annoyed when he says he loves me too much or makes sappy comments. I get annoyed when I come home from my internship and he's been home all day and nothing's been done and he's napping. I get annoyed when he naps in general (that might be jealousy, I can't sleep during the day). I get annoyed when he says things in baby-speak (ex. my mom and I have always jokingly called wet cat food "stinky food", he heard us say that one night and now he always calls it "stinkies"). I get annoyed when he talks too much at night and he knows I have to be up in the morning. I get annoyed when he talks too loud. I get annoyed when he finally initiates intimacy but goes straight to touching my lady bits and/or just starts kissing me really hard and then immediately trying to fuck. I get annoyed when he whines about a mess but then refuses to clean it up. I get annoyed when he whines about a pain but refuses to go to the doctor (despite this pain being a constant thing since the day I met him). I get annoyed when he tries to correct me to say "our cat" when I say "my cat" (oh... our cat? The one I pay every vet bill for? The one I've spent $600 on in he past 4 months for vet bills and medication? The one I buy 9/10 food bags for? The one I brush daily? The one that I saw at the shelter and demanded to get "that cat" instead of any gifts on my 16th birthday? The one I've had for 5 years and you've been living with for 10 months? That cat?). I get annoyed when he talks about marriage. I get annoyed when he talks about our future kids. It's gotten to the point where I can hear someone coming up the stairs and I hope it's not him.
Sorry, I know it sounds like I'm venting and in a way I sort of am, but I want you guys to see into my head. Am I crazy? Am I some coldhearted emotionless bitch? Is he actually fucking annoying? I don't even know what to think. I was raised by a very strong single mother, I kind of wonder if that has something to do with being annoyed by the very needy things he says (ex. "you're my everything" I was taught to always be my own everything and allow other people to become a part of it but never become all of it)? I don't even know what to do, guys.. help.... I'm starting to get really annoyed with my boyfriend (both of us are 32), who is a well-liked, well-spoken, kind, and generous guy who has a lot of the same values as me. I don't want to be a jerk, so I try to be honest with him in a patient/respectful way. But I feel like every little thing is getting on my nerves or making me upset, and I know I would be hurt if things were the other way around.
For example:
he eats really noisily with his mouth wide open, but denied doing it until I recorded a video of him
he is incredibly disorganized/messy, and the thought of living with him someday makes me anxious
he doesn't put effort into how he looks or dresses, and whenever we're indoors he prefers tight boxers with his buttcrack hanging out
he's lost 100 pounds over the past year, but is still very overweight and has recently started eating more and exercising less
since our relationship started he has stopped participating in his hobbies, working toward his goals, or seeing his friends
whenever we talk he tries to read my mind or put words in my mouth, even though I would rather he just listen or ask questions
when we talk about interests, I also find that we don't have the same sense of humor and that I'm not amused by the things that excite him (toys, movies, video games, and music). I feel like I'm getting bored with our relationship and/or losing attraction to him. I don't want to be shallow, but I can't help how I feel. Is there any hope for us? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, and things have been splendid. We never fight, though when we do have disagreements, we channel our thoughts and feelings clearly, through communication. Even when frustration is a big element of our discussions it's channelled in a healthy way.
But recently, two weeks ago, I started getting angry about...nothing. I'm usually very self-aware and good at spotting what's bothering me, but lately, I've been getting upset about literally nothing.
Here's some examples:
Last week, he mentioned he is beating me in a game we play with our friends. I started crying (???) because I wanted to do well and felt like he was "bragging." My behavior caught both of us off guard, and I calmed down and eventually started crying instead because I had a midterm the next day. We chalked it up to a stressful pre-exam day and let it go.
Then, yesterday, I was doing my makeup, and I asked him what he thought about the style I was doing. He said he liked it, but preferred another style I do better. My emotions absolutely dive-bombed, and I started pouting thinking "he doesn't like this makeup," even though that's literally not what he said at all. What the fuck?
After that, he pointed out that I was upset and out of character. He asked if he should take a walk to give me some space and I started SOBBING. Again, what the fuck? I couldn't be calmed down. I went and took a shower and sat in the bathroom and went down an absolute spiral thinking about how maybe I'm the problem in my relationship, maybe my last ex wasn't toxic and manipulative, maybe it's me, after all, didn't I just cry to get my boyfriend to stay in the room instead of going on a walk?
We sat down together afterward I had finally calmed down, and I explained to him that I'm scared and feel like I'm not in control of my emotions, like I'm getting upset about weird things for no reason. He hugged me and tried to help me figure out why (I'm in my first semester of grad school in addition to my job, and am doing both full time; I just finished my midterms; I have little free time; etc) but nothing seemed quite right.
Finally, today, he accidentally dropped my phone. It didn't even break, but I started getting bizarrely angry, in a way really outsized compared to the situation. I caught myself early, and said "I think it's happening again right now, I'm getting angry about literally nothing." We were proud that I managed to catch it early, but I'm still really scared about what's happening.
Some notes: I am under a bit of stress, but have always managed stress well. I'm not on a new birth control, I've been on the same one (really, two -- implant and oral contraceptive) for 2 years, and just oral contraceptive for 7 years before that. Due to that, pretty sure I'm not pregnant. No changes in relationship with boyfriend; if anything, we're more in love every day, our sex life is healthy, and we spend tons of quality time together. I only lash out at him, though.
In the past two weeks I have had several outbursts where I get bizarrely angry or upset over literally nothing, and only at my boyfriend. It is so incredibly out of character that it is shocking and scaring me. What is wrong with me? So here’s what’s been going on. For years little things have always irritated me like someone sneezing or my siblings breathing too hard or chewing loudly I though it was just sibling rivalry and so I never thought about it. Recently though my boyfriend will who is the best man I’ve ever dated, treats me like a queen and literally does nothing wrong I’ll just get mad at for no reason or get so irritated at him and I’m feeling like crap about it.
I feel like it’s getting abusive and toxic for him which I never want to happen for him as he’s had a bad relationship in the past plus it’s just wrong of me and I don’t know where it’s coming from it’s not something I want to do as I love him more than anything but I don’t know where to go from here I’ve spoken to him about it and he says he isn’t mad but it’s still not okay. Any tips for how to try and get this under control? Or maybe if other people have gone through something similar? Is it something that’s even fixable? Me (31F) and my boyfriend (29M) have a great relationship and we have been together for almost three years. This week though he’s been acting like everything I do is annoying. Stupid things. Like for instance we were in the shower and I used my finger to move him out of the way so I could escape without getting soapy again. He got mad and told me it’s disrespectful. Little things like that bother him this week and it’s starting to really make me want to back away from him and find space. I don’t want out relationship to turn sour. I told him that on Sunday but he’s still being weird. It’s like he will tell me he can’t wait to see me after work and misses and loves me but then he comes him and acts grumpy.
I have a brother with BPD and it reminds me of how he would get furious at us over nothing growing up. It kinda freaks me out that I'm behaving like him in a small way.
Before anyone asks - I'm not on any medications or birth control. This problem preceded covid and we're both working so aren't seeing more of each other than usual.
So me and my boyfriend have been living together now for almost two years and its been fine. Recently I've been finding him so annoying and childish, he's always making really annoying dad jokes and quoting tik toks over and over again and I cant even bring myself to try to giggle anymore. I'm starting to think I'm just a lot more mature then him and just want him to become more like man and grow up a little. I'm at the point I dont want him to touch me, I dont want to have sex and I encourage him to go out as often as I can because I want to be alone. I feel like I'm putting on a fake smile so he thinks were okay when I get home but like I dont want him at the house like ever. I don't want to bring this up because it's kind of mean to say and I dont want him to feel like I want his while personality to change. Its just such a tough time to "take a break" because we both have no where to go or can afford the rent but ourselves. We moved in together to quick. Together 8 months and in a long-distance relationship. Let's call him Jonas. Jonas is so thoughtful, kind-hearted, patient, and sweet, but for some reason his overflowing positivity and generosity is driving me insane. We come from vastly different backgrounds. I'm American from the gritty outskirts of the city, and he's Canadian. He makes a significantly more money than I do, and I do pretty well for myself. At first we were splitting the cost of flights, but my budget can't support the frequent trips, so he assured me it's okay for him to take on the cost to see me. I was a little uncomfortable with the lopsided monetary investment in our relationship, but OK. He bought a few flights, but within a couple weeks, was planning trips out every weekend to come see me. This was just the beginning to what has quickly evolved into suffocating levels of generosity and attention.
At the start of our relationship, he got me few knickknacks and cute things, but it has grown into something way beyond that. He has surprised me with countless gifts (electronics, books, handmade letters and photo montages, a new Bose sound system [????], deliveries of delicate/rare flowers, etc.), all of which I appreciate, but it is quickly getting to the point where it's just too much!! I now dread seeing packages for me in my building because I know he's ordered me a small surprise or gift. I tell him that I don't want him buying me anything, and I don't like accepting this extravagant show of affection because it makes me uncomfortable. I can't reciprocate, and for whatever reason that I can't pinpoint, it really is starting to piss me off. His response is that I'm just not used to being spoiled, that he never has reciprocity in mind, and that he likes making my life easier because he cares for me and loves me so much. Jonas is so genuine, and so naturally selfless, that I can't fault him for this, but it is starting to make me inexplicably angry.
Aside from the material excesses, he is also overly attentive to me to the point where I am suffocated. I had a serious talk with him the other day about how I'm like a succulent... he's over-watering me, and even though his intention is to love me and see me grow, it's killing me. I stub my toe, and he jumps off the couch to run to see if I'm okay; or I get frustrated with a deadline at work and he stays up all night until 4 AM after I've gone to sleep to finish my requirements for me (we're in the same industry). I mindless bump into a wall, he's running over and kissing my shoulder. I can't say or do anything without constant, suffocating attention or a solution (monetary or otherwise) to make it better or right. All of these things are objectively lovely, and nice and generous and kind. But I am going NUTS. I tell him to stop, but he insists that I'm just not used to someone loving me so unconditionally, and that he'll keep proving to me how much he cares about me and loves me. We've been together for a little over two years, been living together for 10 months. We've been together through the loss of a baby, a literal gang rape, long distance, etc. I was so deeply in love with him even when all that was happening. I couldn't wait to see him on skype every night for hours and hours, and was more than willing to spend hundreds of dollars on VIA train tickets for the year we were long distance, sometimes opting to pay for a first class seat if all the economy class seats were taken, instead of waiting 'til the next day. However, since we started living together, I just want to bite his head off half the time and I have like -10 sex drive.
Take 30 minutes ago, for example. He just came home from work. I'm trying to study for a psychology exam tomorrow morning. He jumped up on the bed and rubbed his face in my back, trying to be cute I guess, and all I could do was turn and give him a quick smile because if I let myself do anything else, I would have wound up saying "can you fucking stop? You're not a cat." He said he loved me, I said I loved him too. The movie I had to watch for class cut to commercial, I said "you should go get some dinner for yourself, this is just going to be ads for a few minutes". He said "yeah, I will. Are you mad at me?" I told him no I was just tired and had had a long day. He then says "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" Well now I fucking am! Of course, I don't say that though. Of course, I said no. He got up and, once at the bedroom door, in his sappiest voice goes "I really do love you, you know" and all I could bring myself to do was laugh/scoff, raise my eyebrows, nod, and say "yeah, I know".
I get so annoyed with hearing this incredibly sappy bullshit ALL the time. Like, he tells me he loves me 15 times a day. I'm told I'm "(his) everything" at least once every other day, along with "if I didn't have you my life would be horrible," "I don't want to think of what life would be like without you," "you're my world," "I can't wait to marry you," "[insert something about our future children/marriage]," "I missed you so much today, did you miss me?". I get annoyed at all of them. I feel trapped. About 75% of my heart already has one foot out the door of this relationship but the other 25% is staying and I honestly don't even think it's out of love but I don't flinch when I tell him I love him. Does that mean I'm lying but don't want to admit it to myself? Does that mean I really love him but the love doesn't outweigh the negatives of the relationship?
I understand that I have my own flaws as a partner. I'm not intimate often enough, but that's partially because I'm fucking depressed and stressed all the time, I never get enough sleep (he practically knees me out of bed every night), he never lets me know that he finds me sexually appealing unless I ask if he does, and I kind of mother him and he totally lets me and (let's be real) nobody with a healthy mind wants to sleep with someone who they half-view as a child they have to take care of. I understand I can be a bit controlling with my money and I try to control his too, but that's because I'm literally out of money for the rest of the month already because I spend it literally all on groceries and other necessities, I can show you my bills if you don't believe me, (I don't even have money to buy simple christmas gifts for my family) and he's fucking acting like it's the end of the world when I ask for grocery money, despite the fact that he doesn't pay off his debts, he doesn't pay for school, he doesn't pay for a phone bill (because he fucking uses my phone that my mom has to pay for because I can't afford to pay it myself, he got kicked off his phone plan for racking up debts), all he does is pay his portion of rent and utilities and some groceries if I beg him to do it. It's not that I want to control him or his money, I just want him to help me out financially. He's stolen money from me once before for cigarettes, and taken huge chunks of money from his portion of savings for first/last on the apartment we're supposed to start renting in two months. All he ever does is talk about paintball, or bitch about our roommates, or bitch about work. Everything is always someone else's fault. He can't even commit to doing something small, like throwing out a goddamn bedbug-ridden comforter and pillow despite the fact that I'm beyond allergic to those bugs! He refuses to stand up for himself to friends, work, anything, but then turns around and bitches about how he gets treated. I make dinner for us, and good dinners too, every single night but apparently that doesn't count as contributing to housework? I've gotten so sick of the lack of thanks I get for putting in an hour of my time into the kitchen, I've just stopped making meals for two if he's at work later than 8:30 (I used to make a good meal and save his portion for when he got home, reheat it for him, sit with him, try to get him to talk about his day or anything at all for that matter). He doesn't seem to understand nonverbal communication. Like... at all. I understand women are naturally more in tune with that, but last night I asked him to pass me (MY) grey pillow from HIS side of the bed, because apparently he needs three pillows and I only need one or whatever the reason was that he took it, and he was like "yeah sure" but then he let out this exasperated sigh and basically slammed the pillow against my stomach. I was like "Um... what's up your butt?" and he was totally clueless as to what he did.
I get annoyed when he says he loves me too much or makes sappy comments. I get annoyed when I come home from my internship and he's been home all day and nothing's been done and he's napping. I get annoyed when he naps in general (that might be jealousy, I can't sleep during the day). I get annoyed when he says things in baby-speak (ex. my mom and I have always jokingly called wet cat food "stinky food", he heard us say that one night and now he always calls it "stinkies"). I get annoyed when he talks too much at night and he knows I have to be up in the morning. I get annoyed when he talks too loud. I get annoyed when he finally initiates intimacy but goes straight to touching my lady bits and/or just starts kissing me really hard and then immediately trying to fuck. I get annoyed when he whines about a mess but then refuses to clean it up. I get annoyed when he whines about a pain but refuses to go to the doctor (despite this pain being a constant thing since the day I met him). I get annoyed when he tries to correct me to say "our cat" when I say "my cat" (oh... our cat? The one I pay every vet bill for? The one I've spent $600 on in he past 4 months for vet bills and medication? The one I buy 9/10 food bags for? The one I brush daily? The one that I saw at the shelter and demanded to get "that cat" instead of any gifts on my 16th birthday? The one I've had for 5 years and you've been living with for 10 months? That cat?). I get annoyed when he talks about marriage. I get annoyed when he talks about our future kids. It's gotten to the point where I can hear someone coming up the stairs and I hope it's not him.
Sorry, I know it sounds like I'm venting and in a way I sort of am, but I want you guys to see into my head. Am I crazy? Am I some coldhearted emotionless bitch? Is he actually fucking annoying? I don't even know what to think. I was raised by a very strong single mother, I kind of wonder if that has something to do with being annoyed by the very needy things he says (ex. "you're my everything" I was taught to always be my own everything and allow other people to become a part of it but never become all of it)? I don't even know what to do, guys.. help.... I'm starting to get really annoyed with my boyfriend (both of us are 32), who is a well-liked, well-spoken, kind, and generous guy who has a lot of the same values as me. I don't want to be a jerk, so I try to be honest with him in a patient/respectful way. But I feel like every little thing is getting on my nerves or making me upset, and I know I would be hurt if things were the other way around.
For example:
he eats really noisily with his mouth wide open, but denied doing it until I recorded a video of him
he is incredibly disorganized/messy, and the thought of living with him someday makes me anxious
he doesn't put effort into how he looks or dresses, and whenever we're indoors he prefers tight boxers with his buttcrack hanging out
he's lost 100 pounds over the past year, but is still very overweight and has recently started eating more and exercising less
since our relationship started he has stopped participating in his hobbies, working toward his goals, or seeing his friends
whenever we talk he tries to read my mind or put words in my mouth, even though I would rather he just listen or ask questions
when we talk about interests, I also find that we don't have the same sense of humor and that I'm not amused by the things that excite him (toys, movies, video games, and music). I feel like I'm getting bored with our relationship and/or losing attraction to him. I don't want to be shallow, but I can't help how I feel. Is there any hope for us? My boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months, and things have been splendid. We never fight, though when we do have disagreements, we channel our thoughts and feelings clearly, through communication. Even when frustration is a big element of our discussions it's channelled in a healthy way.
But recently, two weeks ago, I started getting angry about...nothing. I'm usually very self-aware and good at spotting what's bothering me, but lately, I've been getting upset about literally nothing.
Here's some examples:
Last week, he mentioned he is beating me in a game we play with our friends. I started crying (???) because I wanted to do well and felt like he was "bragging." My behavior caught both of us off guard, and I calmed down and eventually started crying instead because I had a midterm the next day. We chalked it up to a stressful pre-exam day and let it go.
Then, yesterday, I was doing my makeup, and I asked him what he thought about the style I was doing. He said he liked it, but preferred another style I do better. My emotions absolutely dive-bombed, and I started pouting thinking "he doesn't like this makeup," even though that's literally not what he said at all. What the fuck?
After that, he pointed out that I was upset and out of character. He asked if he should take a walk to give me some space and I started SOBBING. Again, what the fuck? I couldn't be calmed down. I went and took a shower and sat in the bathroom and went down an absolute spiral thinking about how maybe I'm the problem in my relationship, maybe my last ex wasn't toxic and manipulative, maybe it's me, after all, didn't I just cry to get my boyfriend to stay in the room instead of going on a walk?
We sat down together afterward I had finally calmed down, and I explained to him that I'm scared and feel like I'm not in control of my emotions, like I'm getting upset about weird things for no reason. He hugged me and tried to help me figure out why (I'm in my first semester of grad school in addition to my job, and am doing both full time; I just finished my midterms; I have little free time; etc) but nothing seemed quite right.
Finally, today, he accidentally dropped my phone. It didn't even break, but I started getting bizarrely angry, in a way really outsized compared to the situation. I caught myself early, and said "I think it's happening again right now, I'm getting angry about literally nothing." We were proud that I managed to catch it early, but I'm still really scared about what's happening.
Some notes: I am under a bit of stress, but have always managed stress well. I'm not on a new birth control, I've been on the same one (really, two -- implant and oral contraceptive) for 2 years, and just oral contraceptive for 7 years before that. Due to that, pretty sure I'm not pregnant. No changes in relationship with boyfriend; if anything, we're more in love every day, our sex life is healthy, and we spend tons of quality time together. I only lash out at him, though.
In the past two weeks I have had several outbursts where I get bizarrely angry or upset over literally nothing, and only at my boyfriend. It is so incredibly out of character that it is shocking and scaring me. What is wrong with me? So here’s what’s been going on. For years little things have always irritated me like someone sneezing or my siblings breathing too hard or chewing loudly I though it was just sibling rivalry and so I never thought about it. Recently though my boyfriend will who is the best man I’ve ever dated, treats me like a queen and literally does nothing wrong I’ll just get mad at for no reason or get so irritated at him and I’m feeling like crap about it.
I feel like it’s getting abusive and toxic for him which I never want to happen for him as he’s had a bad relationship in the past plus it’s just wrong of me and I don’t know where it’s coming from it’s not something I want to do as I love him more than anything but I don’t know where to go from here I’ve spoken to him about it and he says he isn’t mad but it’s still not okay. Any tips for how to try and get this under control? Or maybe if other people have gone through something similar? Is it something that’s even fixable? Me (31F) and my boyfriend (29M) have a great relationship and we have been together for almost three years. This week though he’s been acting like everything I do is annoying. Stupid things. Like for instance we were in the shower and I used my finger to move him out of the way so I could escape without getting soapy again. He got mad and told me it’s disrespectful. Little things like that bother him this week and it’s starting to really make me want to back away from him and find space. I don’t want out relationship to turn sour. I told him that on Sunday but he’s still being weird. It’s like he will tell me he can’t wait to see me after work and misses and loves me but then he comes him and acts grumpy.
