What words, values or codes do you and your family live by and stick with?
What words, values or codes do you and your family live by and stick with? How would you best sum up — in a word, phrase or saying — your family’s outlook on life?
In “Forget About Perfection. Embrace ‘Mamahuhu,” Vanessa Hua writes about how a Chinese expression became her family’s motto for the haphazard nature of living on the margins: As a kid, I spoke English to my Chinese immigrant parents, who replied to me and my siblings mostly in kind. My grandmother, who lived with us, was different. She could communicate to us only in Mandarin; what we couldn’t understand in words, we’d figure out through pantomime. A few phrases in Mandarin are particularly vivid to me — the ones my parents used when they grumbled about something: hulihutu, or “muddle-headed”; fa feng, or “to go crazy”; and most striking of all, mamahuhu, which means “so-so” or “mediocre” (and also “careless”). In Mandarin, ma means horse and hu means tiger; the idiom mamahuhu literally translates, then, as “horse horse tiger tiger.” In one of the fables that explains its origins, a slapdash artist paints a tiger’s head but changes his mind midway and completes the creature with a horse’s body. (Etymologically, it most likely began as a colloquialism borrowed from Manchu culture during the Qing dynasty.) According to Chairman Mao’s personal physician, in 1956 the revered leader met an elderly woman living in a dilapidated shack on an island in the Xiang River. When he asked about her quality of life, instead of proclaiming that the revolution had liberated her, she defiantly muttered, “Mamahuhu.” She hadn’t experienced the prosperity that Mao promised. Mamahuhu later became a family in-joke for me and my siblings. At first we found the concept funny — and the sound of it, too. Sometimes my brother and I chanted the string of vowels, hooting the “hu” like owls — bewildering our parents — before dissolving into laughter. But as we grew older, we realized mamahuhu also described our family. My parents and my grandmother could be precise when it mattered — say, when my father, a structural engineer, conducted a total stress-test analysis of the Sears Tower, as it was known then. But they handled much else inexactly, with varying degrees of success. My grandmother could pleat pork dumplings with grace and speed. But when she packed my lunchbox, she stacked an inch of processed meat between white bread with no condiments, in imitation of the American sandwiches she rarely ate. My mother is a retired plant physiologist whose research led to multiple patents related to improving plant growth and food safety. But when she helped me on an elementary-school project, she scooped out steamed rice to use as an adhesive, instead of buying a glue stick. My tinfoil crown fell apart in class. Neither my grandmother nor my mother had been schooled in American norms; they had to fake it to make it. When I was a child, the mamahuhu attitude sometimes embarrassed me. But it also taught me not to get hung up on mainstream ideals of perfection — and to embrace originality instead. That old woman who told the truth to Mao didn’t seek his approval by telling him what everyone else did — and among her neighbors, only she remained sharp in the memories of his physician. My elders, too, forged their own path in a country that could be hostile to, or dismissive of, Asian immigrants.
Out of a sense of pride, my siblings and I transformed mamahuhu from an adjective into an ethos. It’s the name we gave my mother’s car, and it’s the philosophy behind my brother’s repairs around the house or on vehicles: “So-so, good enough,” he told me. “Because a lot of the time, that’s all that’s needed.”
My students, read the entire article, then tell me: Do you have a family motto or creed? What words, values or codes do you and your family live by?
If so, tell us how this motto inspires, guides or shapes your life? Do you have a memorable story that will help explain its meaning to others?
If your family doesn’t have a motto, are there any expressions, sayings or even sentiments you’ve read in memes or on bumper stickers that capture your family’s outlook on life? What do you think of the ethos of mamahuhu, which helped Ms. Hua and her family navigate their lives as immigrants in America? Could we all benefit from embracing a philosophy of “so-so, good enough,” and forgoing the ideals of perfection? Why or why not? What motto or outlook would you most want to impress upon your own children in the future? One outlook I want most to impress on y future children is a saying commonly used in my family; " this too shall pass". This saying comes from ( or so I remember) my kind-hearted very religious great-grandmother. Anytime I'm down my mom is quick to remind me that "this too shall pass" which is so true, everything will eventually pass, good or bad. Everything in our life will seem so minuscule to us one day, the drama we worry over won't even be a thought in the future so really, this too shall pass. The excitement we feel over simple things won't really be of remembrance to us because really, this too shall pass. This saying, to me, is like the YOLO acronym because both sayings really are just saying that this will be over and not be important one day. I hope to teach my kids to never worry too hard over small things because in the end, "this too shall pass". I love my family, the majority of humanity probably loves their family too. We all love each other too, however our family isn’t like other families. A saying we’ve always had, well not my parents but just siblings is to make fun of each other - get used to it, so other people can’t really make fun of us because we’re used to it. Pretty much. Family makes fun - others can’t. No one would be able to hurt your feelings, it’s pretty fun at times too. I hate mottos, I never stick with them. My family does not repeat cheesy lines saying “treat others the way you want to be treated” or “always start your day with a smile”. I mean, the most common motto we use regularly is “yolo” (which, as much as I hate to admit, does not always result in positive outcomes). Rather, I like to view our family’s motto as the actions we complete for each other. Like doing the dishes unprompted for a slight smile and a silent thank you in return. Or helping your younger sibling with homework despite being swamped with work of your own. So, I guess in a sense our motto is the silent I love you’s, acts of affirmations, and cringy family bondings. My family's motto is spelled in words not written.
My family motto is, “bless and release”, because it helps me let go of grudges. When a really embarrassing memory comes to mind, I always bless and release. Even when somebody is mean to me, I don’t get petty or spiteful. I just bless and release. This motto has really helped me because I can be a more forgiving person. Plus, with less negativity and worry in my mind, I have become more calm and happy. My family has always had this phrase that gets thrown around when things get tough. I keep this in mind and use it as my own personal motto. The saying is "Learn as much as you can while you still can." Opportunities for learning are something that is usually taken for granted, public education, libraries, etc. So what happens when you lose it? That's why it is better to learn as much as you can, while you still can. It might seem negative to some but because of this motto, my sisters and I have a strong urge to learn and love it. We find school to be mostly fun and interesting, as much as you can with a positive attitude. We also love sharing new facts we find. Respect. Loyalty. Hard Work/Determination. Never been the kind to give up on things I felt passionate about. All things that my family values and beliefs. From a young age, my brother and I were always taught to respect people and show kindness, no matter who they are or where they were. Or how we never use the word hate because it has such a strong negative meaning, and how "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." We were also taught to be loyal and to work hard because, without trust and a good work ethic, we wouldn't go far in life. Each and every day we strive to become people who leave positive impacts and a good attitude wherever we go. All of these values helped shaped all of us for the better and we are all trying to use these values and beliefs to make the world a better place. My family and I don’t say I love you all the time but we do things for each other like acts of service to show oir appreciation for one another. My family and I always say when you love make sure you love with all your heart never give half, always whole. The second motto or creed we live by is treat others the way you want to be treated. What are the moral codes that you will always stand by?
Should you be expected to love your family?
I have tossed this idea around. I don't feel any person should be expected to love their family, rather have their love be earned, especially if said family is abusive.
Does your family have certain explicit, known to all, family values or a family "mission statement"?
My husband and i heard about laying out family values as a way to ensure your family dynamic and generally things that are important to you as a family are reinforced. We kind of like the idea of setting aside certain ideals that we'd like to instill in our kids and home life. I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas though, outside of valuing laughter and having a fun, peaceable (ie: yelling free) home where we enjoy spending time together. Does anyone else do this? What are your values that I can appropriate? That's so different for every family, what we did is that we actually put together values that were common to my husband and I and that we'd like to share with our kids. For us it's love, patience, honesty and family. We really want them to grow up in a loving and understanding environment where they can feel safe and free to grow. I have been using this tool for quite some time and only recently came up with the idea to use it to write essays, answer questions about movies and books for school projects, and much more. I feel a little guilty about it, but I don't really care that much anymore. For a couple of weeks, I have made $100 profit by "doing" homework for other classmates and now I am looked at as a genius. What are your thoughts on this? Have you done it yourself?
To say that the last few days have been surreal would be an understatement. I've debated greatly how best to address this, including not addressing it at all, but with so many people from the LGBT community in the fanbase that I love, that's not an option. I'd like to think that the last seven years would have given me the benefit of the doubt in regards to how I try to treat people, but there I was, trending on twitter for being a homophobe, getting doxed, with people threatening to come to my house. My wife is six weeks pregnant and she spent last night in fear because of what was being said online. She has already been struggling with her pregnancy so seeing her so afraid really scared me. All this because I exercised my right, and my duty, as an American citizen, to vote for and support the candidates who I felt could best run the country, for everyone, and that's something that I won't apologize for.
For those who took the time to look, you saw that the candidates I supported included men, women, white people, black people, republicans, and democrats. I supported Kimberly Klacik in Baltimore because I believed that she really cared for the African American community there and wanted to pull them out of poverty. I believed she could have really make a difference in a time when so many black communities were struggling. She lost, unfortunately. I supported Tulsi Gabbard, a democrat, even though I disagreed with her on several issues, because I felt she would have been a good and fair president. And yes, I supported President Trump, because I felt he was the best man to fuel a strong economy and stand up to America's enemies abroad, of which there are many. Even if there were candidates who had better things to say to the LGBT community directly, and bigger promises to make, I believed that their stances on other issues would have ended up doing much greater harm to those communities than good. All of this explanation, I fear, is wasted, as people don't want to discuss with one another anymore; they want endless apologies and submission. People who are expecting those from me will get neither.
I've always been supportive of creators, and have tried to treat everyone fairly, and treat everyone with dignity and respect. I've never cared about anyone's race, religion, gender, or orientation. I just treat people as people, everyone the same, and because of that, I've ended up with a very diverse group of people that I've worked with over the years. It wasn't intentional. It just happened that way. I choose people who are best for the job; I treat everyone the same, and I ended up with people from all walks of life in my professional life and my personal life as well. That's the way it should be. That's the way I want it to be. That's the way I will continue to be. I'm a republican. I'm a Christian. I'm pro-life. I believe in God. I also believe in equality, and in science, and in common sense. Despite what some may say, all of those things can go together. That's not an apology or promise to change, it's the way it's always been. If I get cancelled, then I get cancelled. I don't do this for the money anymore; I do it because I enjoy it. If people think I'm doing more harm than good now, then maybe it's better that I get cancelled and retire. I would accept that. I've had a fulfilling career. Besides, most things that people can take from you are things that never had much value to begin with.
Discipline. Boundaries. Everyone expresses themselves differently. Adults can owe children apologies. Humility is important. Adults can learn from children. Children need to be protected and not parentified. Playtime is imperative.
When your values and beliefs are different from those of your family, where and how do you draw the line between living your own life and making them happy?
What are some things/values/beliefs that you and your partner absolutely MUST agree on when it comes to raising your children?
My parents had an understanding that neither would ever say “just wait until your father/mother gets home”. Which I appreciate. There was no playing one off of the other. They were a united front and neither was the “disciplinarian”. Which I like.
I also think, generally, you have to parent the kid you have. I was a painfully shy, quiet kid. And my parents set rules and expectations for me based on that. Whereas my brother was an outgoing, super loud kid with lots of friends and a bad temper. So he was parented based on that. If that makes sense? Rules always applied to both us. But if I had a tantrum, it was probably dealt with differently than my brothers were.
I want my kid to be entitled to his emotions and body autonomy. No you don’t have to hug your great if you don’t want to. A polite hello is good enough. You’re allowed to feel big emotions, it’s never wrong and sometimes they get the best of us. But remove yourself to calm yourself down and we’ll talk about what the issue is and how we can make it easier to deal with.
Raising a child to be independent through allowing them responsibilities at younger ages. Remembering that my child is not bad, the action was and to give redirection and tools for my child to use for the next time something hard comes up for them, teaching them and not just sending them to the corner or yelling. I could never be with someone who was religious or wanted a religious household either. There is a lot, as I have spent time in school for Early Childhood Education.
In “Forget About Perfection. Embrace ‘Mamahuhu,” Vanessa Hua writes about how a Chinese expression became her family’s motto for the haphazard nature of living on the margins: As a kid, I spoke English to my Chinese immigrant parents, who replied to me and my siblings mostly in kind. My grandmother, who lived with us, was different. She could communicate to us only in Mandarin; what we couldn’t understand in words, we’d figure out through pantomime. A few phrases in Mandarin are particularly vivid to me — the ones my parents used when they grumbled about something: hulihutu, or “muddle-headed”; fa feng, or “to go crazy”; and most striking of all, mamahuhu, which means “so-so” or “mediocre” (and also “careless”). In Mandarin, ma means horse and hu means tiger; the idiom mamahuhu literally translates, then, as “horse horse tiger tiger.” In one of the fables that explains its origins, a slapdash artist paints a tiger’s head but changes his mind midway and completes the creature with a horse’s body. (Etymologically, it most likely began as a colloquialism borrowed from Manchu culture during the Qing dynasty.) According to Chairman Mao’s personal physician, in 1956 the revered leader met an elderly woman living in a dilapidated shack on an island in the Xiang River. When he asked about her quality of life, instead of proclaiming that the revolution had liberated her, she defiantly muttered, “Mamahuhu.” She hadn’t experienced the prosperity that Mao promised. Mamahuhu later became a family in-joke for me and my siblings. At first we found the concept funny — and the sound of it, too. Sometimes my brother and I chanted the string of vowels, hooting the “hu” like owls — bewildering our parents — before dissolving into laughter. But as we grew older, we realized mamahuhu also described our family. My parents and my grandmother could be precise when it mattered — say, when my father, a structural engineer, conducted a total stress-test analysis of the Sears Tower, as it was known then. But they handled much else inexactly, with varying degrees of success. My grandmother could pleat pork dumplings with grace and speed. But when she packed my lunchbox, she stacked an inch of processed meat between white bread with no condiments, in imitation of the American sandwiches she rarely ate. My mother is a retired plant physiologist whose research led to multiple patents related to improving plant growth and food safety. But when she helped me on an elementary-school project, she scooped out steamed rice to use as an adhesive, instead of buying a glue stick. My tinfoil crown fell apart in class. Neither my grandmother nor my mother had been schooled in American norms; they had to fake it to make it. When I was a child, the mamahuhu attitude sometimes embarrassed me. But it also taught me not to get hung up on mainstream ideals of perfection — and to embrace originality instead. That old woman who told the truth to Mao didn’t seek his approval by telling him what everyone else did — and among her neighbors, only she remained sharp in the memories of his physician. My elders, too, forged their own path in a country that could be hostile to, or dismissive of, Asian immigrants.
Out of a sense of pride, my siblings and I transformed mamahuhu from an adjective into an ethos. It’s the name we gave my mother’s car, and it’s the philosophy behind my brother’s repairs around the house or on vehicles: “So-so, good enough,” he told me. “Because a lot of the time, that’s all that’s needed.”
My students, read the entire article, then tell me: Do you have a family motto or creed? What words, values or codes do you and your family live by?
If so, tell us how this motto inspires, guides or shapes your life? Do you have a memorable story that will help explain its meaning to others?
If your family doesn’t have a motto, are there any expressions, sayings or even sentiments you’ve read in memes or on bumper stickers that capture your family’s outlook on life? What do you think of the ethos of mamahuhu, which helped Ms. Hua and her family navigate their lives as immigrants in America? Could we all benefit from embracing a philosophy of “so-so, good enough,” and forgoing the ideals of perfection? Why or why not? What motto or outlook would you most want to impress upon your own children in the future? One outlook I want most to impress on y future children is a saying commonly used in my family; " this too shall pass". This saying comes from ( or so I remember) my kind-hearted very religious great-grandmother. Anytime I'm down my mom is quick to remind me that "this too shall pass" which is so true, everything will eventually pass, good or bad. Everything in our life will seem so minuscule to us one day, the drama we worry over won't even be a thought in the future so really, this too shall pass. The excitement we feel over simple things won't really be of remembrance to us because really, this too shall pass. This saying, to me, is like the YOLO acronym because both sayings really are just saying that this will be over and not be important one day. I hope to teach my kids to never worry too hard over small things because in the end, "this too shall pass". I love my family, the majority of humanity probably loves their family too. We all love each other too, however our family isn’t like other families. A saying we’ve always had, well not my parents but just siblings is to make fun of each other - get used to it, so other people can’t really make fun of us because we’re used to it. Pretty much. Family makes fun - others can’t. No one would be able to hurt your feelings, it’s pretty fun at times too. I hate mottos, I never stick with them. My family does not repeat cheesy lines saying “treat others the way you want to be treated” or “always start your day with a smile”. I mean, the most common motto we use regularly is “yolo” (which, as much as I hate to admit, does not always result in positive outcomes). Rather, I like to view our family’s motto as the actions we complete for each other. Like doing the dishes unprompted for a slight smile and a silent thank you in return. Or helping your younger sibling with homework despite being swamped with work of your own. So, I guess in a sense our motto is the silent I love you’s, acts of affirmations, and cringy family bondings. My family's motto is spelled in words not written.
My family motto is, “bless and release”, because it helps me let go of grudges. When a really embarrassing memory comes to mind, I always bless and release. Even when somebody is mean to me, I don’t get petty or spiteful. I just bless and release. This motto has really helped me because I can be a more forgiving person. Plus, with less negativity and worry in my mind, I have become more calm and happy. My family has always had this phrase that gets thrown around when things get tough. I keep this in mind and use it as my own personal motto. The saying is "Learn as much as you can while you still can." Opportunities for learning are something that is usually taken for granted, public education, libraries, etc. So what happens when you lose it? That's why it is better to learn as much as you can, while you still can. It might seem negative to some but because of this motto, my sisters and I have a strong urge to learn and love it. We find school to be mostly fun and interesting, as much as you can with a positive attitude. We also love sharing new facts we find. Respect. Loyalty. Hard Work/Determination. Never been the kind to give up on things I felt passionate about. All things that my family values and beliefs. From a young age, my brother and I were always taught to respect people and show kindness, no matter who they are or where they were. Or how we never use the word hate because it has such a strong negative meaning, and how "if you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." We were also taught to be loyal and to work hard because, without trust and a good work ethic, we wouldn't go far in life. Each and every day we strive to become people who leave positive impacts and a good attitude wherever we go. All of these values helped shaped all of us for the better and we are all trying to use these values and beliefs to make the world a better place. My family and I don’t say I love you all the time but we do things for each other like acts of service to show oir appreciation for one another. My family and I always say when you love make sure you love with all your heart never give half, always whole. The second motto or creed we live by is treat others the way you want to be treated. What are the moral codes that you will always stand by?
Should you be expected to love your family?
I have tossed this idea around. I don't feel any person should be expected to love their family, rather have their love be earned, especially if said family is abusive.
Does your family have certain explicit, known to all, family values or a family "mission statement"?
My husband and i heard about laying out family values as a way to ensure your family dynamic and generally things that are important to you as a family are reinforced. We kind of like the idea of setting aside certain ideals that we'd like to instill in our kids and home life. I'm having a hard time coming up with ideas though, outside of valuing laughter and having a fun, peaceable (ie: yelling free) home where we enjoy spending time together. Does anyone else do this? What are your values that I can appropriate? That's so different for every family, what we did is that we actually put together values that were common to my husband and I and that we'd like to share with our kids. For us it's love, patience, honesty and family. We really want them to grow up in a loving and understanding environment where they can feel safe and free to grow. I have been using this tool for quite some time and only recently came up with the idea to use it to write essays, answer questions about movies and books for school projects, and much more. I feel a little guilty about it, but I don't really care that much anymore. For a couple of weeks, I have made $100 profit by "doing" homework for other classmates and now I am looked at as a genius. What are your thoughts on this? Have you done it yourself?
To say that the last few days have been surreal would be an understatement. I've debated greatly how best to address this, including not addressing it at all, but with so many people from the LGBT community in the fanbase that I love, that's not an option. I'd like to think that the last seven years would have given me the benefit of the doubt in regards to how I try to treat people, but there I was, trending on twitter for being a homophobe, getting doxed, with people threatening to come to my house. My wife is six weeks pregnant and she spent last night in fear because of what was being said online. She has already been struggling with her pregnancy so seeing her so afraid really scared me. All this because I exercised my right, and my duty, as an American citizen, to vote for and support the candidates who I felt could best run the country, for everyone, and that's something that I won't apologize for.
For those who took the time to look, you saw that the candidates I supported included men, women, white people, black people, republicans, and democrats. I supported Kimberly Klacik in Baltimore because I believed that she really cared for the African American community there and wanted to pull them out of poverty. I believed she could have really make a difference in a time when so many black communities were struggling. She lost, unfortunately. I supported Tulsi Gabbard, a democrat, even though I disagreed with her on several issues, because I felt she would have been a good and fair president. And yes, I supported President Trump, because I felt he was the best man to fuel a strong economy and stand up to America's enemies abroad, of which there are many. Even if there were candidates who had better things to say to the LGBT community directly, and bigger promises to make, I believed that their stances on other issues would have ended up doing much greater harm to those communities than good. All of this explanation, I fear, is wasted, as people don't want to discuss with one another anymore; they want endless apologies and submission. People who are expecting those from me will get neither.
I've always been supportive of creators, and have tried to treat everyone fairly, and treat everyone with dignity and respect. I've never cared about anyone's race, religion, gender, or orientation. I just treat people as people, everyone the same, and because of that, I've ended up with a very diverse group of people that I've worked with over the years. It wasn't intentional. It just happened that way. I choose people who are best for the job; I treat everyone the same, and I ended up with people from all walks of life in my professional life and my personal life as well. That's the way it should be. That's the way I want it to be. That's the way I will continue to be. I'm a republican. I'm a Christian. I'm pro-life. I believe in God. I also believe in equality, and in science, and in common sense. Despite what some may say, all of those things can go together. That's not an apology or promise to change, it's the way it's always been. If I get cancelled, then I get cancelled. I don't do this for the money anymore; I do it because I enjoy it. If people think I'm doing more harm than good now, then maybe it's better that I get cancelled and retire. I would accept that. I've had a fulfilling career. Besides, most things that people can take from you are things that never had much value to begin with.
Discipline. Boundaries. Everyone expresses themselves differently. Adults can owe children apologies. Humility is important. Adults can learn from children. Children need to be protected and not parentified. Playtime is imperative.
When your values and beliefs are different from those of your family, where and how do you draw the line between living your own life and making them happy?
What are some things/values/beliefs that you and your partner absolutely MUST agree on when it comes to raising your children?
My parents had an understanding that neither would ever say “just wait until your father/mother gets home”. Which I appreciate. There was no playing one off of the other. They were a united front and neither was the “disciplinarian”. Which I like.
I also think, generally, you have to parent the kid you have. I was a painfully shy, quiet kid. And my parents set rules and expectations for me based on that. Whereas my brother was an outgoing, super loud kid with lots of friends and a bad temper. So he was parented based on that. If that makes sense? Rules always applied to both us. But if I had a tantrum, it was probably dealt with differently than my brothers were.
I want my kid to be entitled to his emotions and body autonomy. No you don’t have to hug your great if you don’t want to. A polite hello is good enough. You’re allowed to feel big emotions, it’s never wrong and sometimes they get the best of us. But remove yourself to calm yourself down and we’ll talk about what the issue is and how we can make it easier to deal with.
Raising a child to be independent through allowing them responsibilities at younger ages. Remembering that my child is not bad, the action was and to give redirection and tools for my child to use for the next time something hard comes up for them, teaching them and not just sending them to the corner or yelling. I could never be with someone who was religious or wanted a religious household either. There is a lot, as I have spent time in school for Early Childhood Education.
