How often do you check in with yourself?
(Like see how you're feeling, where your thoughts are at. Practicing self care if it's needed) Is it normal to “check in” on your relationship, to periodically ask if everything’s okay? (23 MF)
My bf and I have such a great relationship, to the point where I question how it’s even possible. We barely have any disagreements, no fights, still as lovey with each other as we were on day 1. He is like an angel and I don’t know how someone like him exists, let alone is in my life. I’m so lucky. I certainly have my positives, but I’m a bit more...chaotic? emotional? a handful? than him. I’m not totally crazy but I can be stubborn and I exaggerate things and I’m so trusting that I can be naive. I also am pretty emotional - we both have depression and anxiety to some degree but he’s better at dealing with it himself.
Point is, sometimes I wonder if our relationships as solid as I think it is because I can’t help but feel like I exhaust him. I’m worried I’m wearing his patience thin. He’s given me zero reason to think this, it’s totally my insecurity. This stems from my ex who broke up with me out of the blue. He cited things that I did that pissed him off over the two years that I had no clue were problems. It was my first relationship and I didn’t know that our lack of communication on serious relationship stuff was a problem. So now that I’ve settled in with my bf for a year, I’m just getting nervous that I’m doing things that bother him that he’s not vocalizing. We have great communication so it’s not like we don’t talk about things. This is totally my own anxieties.
I don’t want to put my insecurities on him. They are for me to deal with. However, I don’t know how to deal with them other than periodically checking in like “hey, is everything okay with us? is there anything that’s bothering you?” But I don’t know if that comes off like I’m paranoid or nuts. Is this something couples do, or in some different way? Should I just keep it to myself and try to trust there isn’t a problem until he vocalizes that’s there’s a problem?
Sorry if this seems obvious. I genuinely don’t know, my ex was emotionally abusive and would gaslight me to the point where I’m still trying to figure out my own feelings and emotions and their validity. I have no idea what’s normal or not. How often do you text/check in with your friends?
I know I am not a good friend because I am seldom the one who text first but then get to thinking these "friends" I have are not real friends cause they go weeks without checking in on me. Maybe I just don't know how to maintain friendships..I admit I'm all about my daughter and husband most of the time but it would be nice to have a real good friend . How often do you take yourself out on a date?
Take yourself out, have some steak, enjoy some beer, watch endless Sunday football?
I tell ya. Nothin beats it. Normalize taking yourself out. Do you want to live a better life? Are you not in the place you want to be? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? I get it. I’ve been there. And because of showing up for myself, each day, in some SMALL way, I’m on a way different path than a few years ago.
My life was tough since I was 4 years old. I had a lot of issues. My dad passing away catapulted me into a victim. I claimed it and made myself the person who was broken beyond repair. I was raised by an imperfect human, as we all are - who did the very best she could under hard circumstances and a rough upbringing. She made me feel unworthy A LOT because what you feel inward affects every relationship you have with everybody else.
I’m here to tell you there’s a way out of intense feelings of unworthiness. You are programmed a certain way from your childhood and it usually tells you this: “You’re not good enough”. You are enough as you are. But you have to take actions everyday that reflect that worthiness or else you’ll never believe it and your world won’t reflect that. I know what it’s like to be so depressed you can’t move, so anxious you’re scared to leave the house, plagued with sickness and lethargy, and addiction. I lived so much of my life in repressed grief. I lived so much of my life in regressed emotions in general. I never felt I was good enough so I took action that reflected that, took drugs that were poisoning my body, starved myself and then binged when I couldn’t handle the hunger, beat up other people emotionally so I myself would feel superior for once in my life. I didn’t love myself at all and i didn’t like myself even a little.
It’s not easy to shift when you’ve built up all these habits that are promoting your demise instead of your growth. It’s uncomfortable to change. But uncomfortable things are most often the best ones for us. They have been for me and changed my life.
The most successful people do things even when they don’t want to because they know their growth is priority over everything else. I consider myself successful these days based on a feeling of fulfillment instead of lack, I’m not rich or well known and I haven’t accomplished anything those would consider “majorly successful” but I don’t care. I’ve conquered a lot of the stuff that kept me far from my real self which is the biggest battle. When i began to change, i didn’t want to meditate, i wanted to sit on the couch and drown myself in my phone. When i started to do celery juice daily first thing in the morning, I would’ve preferred to stay in bed. When I started doing my wellness classes and learning more I would’ve liked to just sit and watch Netflix. But I didn’t listen to the voices that told me I can be doing something else more “enjoyable” because I decided I was worth more than I was giving myself credit for. I decided that the stories I constantly told myself, “I am a victim” or “I’m just unhealthy” or “people will always leave me when i show them who i really am so why even bother putting myself out there”, simply weren’t true unless I let them control my life. I’m here to say that you can change what you do and how you do it. This is the only place our power lies. Everything else is irrelevant. But please don’t beat yourself up for what you’ve done or haven’t done so far. You ALWAYS did the best you could. Even if you thought you knew better, you wouldn’t have done what you did if you actually knew better. And you are worthy RIGHT NOW. Flaws and all. You’re not changing who you really are, you’re tearing the belief systems that molded you into someone who considers themselves the victim of life, the unworthy person who doesn’t deserve any good.
Small steps everyday change your life. You are worth one small thing a day. Drink more water. Journal your feelings. Meditate for a minute. Google breathwork and find something that fits. Join a yoga class. Reach out to a therapist or close friend. Do something. Because that puts the wheels in motion. I’m doing a lot more things everyday that are good for me because I have the energy now but I started small, I did what I could with what I had. What I had was withdrawal symptoms after being broken up with and an eating disorder in 2016. I started with noticing my thoughts and reading books on the topics I was interested in.
My life has completely transformed a little over 3 years later. Everything I did when I didn’t want to do it has built a foundation for love and compassion and feelings of worthiness. If I can do it, anyone can. This is a gentle nudge to do something today that you know is good for you but you’re too afraid to fail so you put it off yet again. Do the thing even if it’s uncomfortable, even if you’re scared. Your life will change if you follow through for yourself, and it’s 100% possible, and 100% up to you. How do you (or do you) check in with your partner to see how the relationship is going?
My bf and I have such a great relationship, to the point where I question how it’s even possible. We barely have any disagreements, no fights, still as lovey with each other as we were on day 1. He is like an angel and I don’t know how someone like him exists, let alone is in my life. I’m so lucky. I certainly have my positives, but I’m a bit more...chaotic? emotional? a handful? than him. I’m not totally crazy but I can be stubborn and I exaggerate things and I’m so trusting that I can be naive. I also am pretty emotional - we both have depression and anxiety to some degree but he’s better at dealing with it himself.
Point is, sometimes I wonder if our relationships as solid as I think it is because I can’t help but feel like I exhaust him. I’m worried I’m wearing his patience thin. He’s given me zero reason to think this, it’s totally my insecurity. This stems from my ex who broke up with me out of the blue. He cited things that I did that pissed him off over the two years that I had no clue were problems. It was my first relationship and I didn’t know that our lack of communication on serious relationship stuff was a problem. So now that I’ve settled in with my bf for a year, I’m just getting nervous that I’m doing things that bother him that he’s not vocalizing. We have great communication so it’s not like we don’t talk about things. This is totally my own anxieties.
I don’t want to put my insecurities on him. They are for me to deal with. However, I don’t know how to deal with them other than periodically checking in like “hey, is everything okay with us? is there anything that’s bothering you?” But I don’t know if that comes off like I’m paranoid or nuts. Is this something couples do, or in some different way? Should I just keep it to myself and try to trust there isn’t a problem until he vocalizes that’s there’s a problem?
Sorry if this seems obvious. I genuinely don’t know, my ex was emotionally abusive and would gaslight me to the point where I’m still trying to figure out my own feelings and emotions and their validity. I have no idea what’s normal or not. How often do you text/check in with your friends?
I know I am not a good friend because I am seldom the one who text first but then get to thinking these "friends" I have are not real friends cause they go weeks without checking in on me. Maybe I just don't know how to maintain friendships..I admit I'm all about my daughter and husband most of the time but it would be nice to have a real good friend . How often do you take yourself out on a date?
Take yourself out, have some steak, enjoy some beer, watch endless Sunday football?
I tell ya. Nothin beats it. Normalize taking yourself out. Do you want to live a better life? Are you not in the place you want to be? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? I get it. I’ve been there. And because of showing up for myself, each day, in some SMALL way, I’m on a way different path than a few years ago.
My life was tough since I was 4 years old. I had a lot of issues. My dad passing away catapulted me into a victim. I claimed it and made myself the person who was broken beyond repair. I was raised by an imperfect human, as we all are - who did the very best she could under hard circumstances and a rough upbringing. She made me feel unworthy A LOT because what you feel inward affects every relationship you have with everybody else.
I’m here to tell you there’s a way out of intense feelings of unworthiness. You are programmed a certain way from your childhood and it usually tells you this: “You’re not good enough”. You are enough as you are. But you have to take actions everyday that reflect that worthiness or else you’ll never believe it and your world won’t reflect that. I know what it’s like to be so depressed you can’t move, so anxious you’re scared to leave the house, plagued with sickness and lethargy, and addiction. I lived so much of my life in repressed grief. I lived so much of my life in regressed emotions in general. I never felt I was good enough so I took action that reflected that, took drugs that were poisoning my body, starved myself and then binged when I couldn’t handle the hunger, beat up other people emotionally so I myself would feel superior for once in my life. I didn’t love myself at all and i didn’t like myself even a little.
It’s not easy to shift when you’ve built up all these habits that are promoting your demise instead of your growth. It’s uncomfortable to change. But uncomfortable things are most often the best ones for us. They have been for me and changed my life.
The most successful people do things even when they don’t want to because they know their growth is priority over everything else. I consider myself successful these days based on a feeling of fulfillment instead of lack, I’m not rich or well known and I haven’t accomplished anything those would consider “majorly successful” but I don’t care. I’ve conquered a lot of the stuff that kept me far from my real self which is the biggest battle. When i began to change, i didn’t want to meditate, i wanted to sit on the couch and drown myself in my phone. When i started to do celery juice daily first thing in the morning, I would’ve preferred to stay in bed. When I started doing my wellness classes and learning more I would’ve liked to just sit and watch Netflix. But I didn’t listen to the voices that told me I can be doing something else more “enjoyable” because I decided I was worth more than I was giving myself credit for. I decided that the stories I constantly told myself, “I am a victim” or “I’m just unhealthy” or “people will always leave me when i show them who i really am so why even bother putting myself out there”, simply weren’t true unless I let them control my life. I’m here to say that you can change what you do and how you do it. This is the only place our power lies. Everything else is irrelevant. But please don’t beat yourself up for what you’ve done or haven’t done so far. You ALWAYS did the best you could. Even if you thought you knew better, you wouldn’t have done what you did if you actually knew better. And you are worthy RIGHT NOW. Flaws and all. You’re not changing who you really are, you’re tearing the belief systems that molded you into someone who considers themselves the victim of life, the unworthy person who doesn’t deserve any good.
Small steps everyday change your life. You are worth one small thing a day. Drink more water. Journal your feelings. Meditate for a minute. Google breathwork and find something that fits. Join a yoga class. Reach out to a therapist or close friend. Do something. Because that puts the wheels in motion. I’m doing a lot more things everyday that are good for me because I have the energy now but I started small, I did what I could with what I had. What I had was withdrawal symptoms after being broken up with and an eating disorder in 2016. I started with noticing my thoughts and reading books on the topics I was interested in.
My life has completely transformed a little over 3 years later. Everything I did when I didn’t want to do it has built a foundation for love and compassion and feelings of worthiness. If I can do it, anyone can. This is a gentle nudge to do something today that you know is good for you but you’re too afraid to fail so you put it off yet again. Do the thing even if it’s uncomfortable, even if you’re scared. Your life will change if you follow through for yourself, and it’s 100% possible, and 100% up to you. How do you (or do you) check in with your partner to see how the relationship is going?
