Do you sometimes just keep quiet around thin-skinned and touchy people?
Does anybody else just stay quiet and keep everything to themselves? Reason being is because 95% of the time people just interrupt you and you can never finish/get your point across… Friends, family, getting to know people at public events. I just don’t share anything about myself anymore or I share as little as possible. Feels like I’m wasting my breath when I know their not gonna let me finish my thought. Then they wanna butt in and talk about themselves. Both of my previous 2 girlfriends had a problem with me not giving them enough attention or being too quiet. I’m wondering if anyone else here has experienced this?
They described it as if I was distant or uninterested. It’s been probably the biggest problem I’ve had with relationships. I tried to tell them that I do actually love them very much but that I don’t always know how to express it.
They both said something like “If you love me it shouldn’t be a chore to show it...”
In my most recent relationship, I took the problem seriously. I messaged her every day and told her I loved her continuously, to the point where I thought I was overbearing. But it wasn’t good enough and she left me. Can anyone else relate? I’m happy to elaborate or answer any questions. Why do people have a problem with other people being reserved/introverted/quiet? I genuinely can't understand why people want me around
This isn't necessarily a self deprecating rant, I've had those moments but not this time, it's not out of self hatred. I think besides my issues, I'm an okay person but I'm also sensitive and easily hurt, I'm to anxious so I barely speak, my only friend groups and I have little in common, my life is boring or depressing, neither of which makes for a good conversation. Still I've had my friends invite me to hang out, or play games, or even miss me. And I appreciate it but I just, I don't understand why? I never have anything good to contribute to discussions, I'm always behind in games we play, I don't make good jokes, most times I get drowned out by everyone, I'm quiet, I'm not interesting, I'm not doing anything at all to make people want me around, so why would they? I just can't understand it.
Why would you want to hang out with someone quiet, easily hurt, boring/depressing and bad at video games. What are friendships made of
Edit: I realized my typos caused some confusion, fixed to clarify that I don't think I'm trying to put myself down, I just want an answer to the "why" for some reason Why do people feel the need to point out when someone in a group is quiet? For example, “You never say anything” or “you’re so quiet, you never talk”; at seemingly random times. What does someone hope to accomplish by saying this? I've noticed that some people, particularly extroverts, get uncomfortable around quiet people who they don't understand and so can't quickly put in a box. I've had a lot of experience with this. In school, with teachers I've had, and lots of other areas. I can just tell on their face that they feel a little bit awkward or intimidated by me in some kind of weird way. Despite me maybe smiling and showing I'm open to talk to them. I notice them suddenly not knowing how to talk well when they have to talk to me, despite being open/social/casually social the rest of the time.
I noticed this just the other day. There was this girl in a course I was at who was the most dominant in the room, casually making jokes, being the loudest, etc. Later, at break, we were standing and talking as a group and she was there. I hadn't spoken to her before but while talking in the group I looked at her directly while saying something. I thought she would continue the conversation, going along with how open/extroverted she had been with everyone in the course, but she just kind of gave a short answer, cut it short and didn't seem to want to give eye contact. Not in a rude way, but that's just how she responded.
This brings me to something else I want to mention. I've thought this for years. Extroverts' 'social skills' are overrated. Seriously. It's very surface level and doesn't have a strong core, when you try to look. But back to the main point of this post: people become very uncomfortable with people they can't quickly/easily figure out. Why do people want to box you in so badly? I'll do/say NOTHING that would give a person a bad impression of me, e.g. that I'm untrustworthy, that I'm 'rude' because I don't blabber on like a chicken, and people will still end up making up these irrational, negative conclusions about a quiet person in their heads. It's happened to me a lot.
It's like, there's something in these people who become uncomfortable around you, that they feel is 'exposed' when around a quiet person. It's kind of like the dust settles and we get a glimpse of who these people really are. Beneath the confident, secure, and casual exterior. Maybe they feel that.
They described it as if I was distant or uninterested. It’s been probably the biggest problem I’ve had with relationships. I tried to tell them that I do actually love them very much but that I don’t always know how to express it.
They both said something like “If you love me it shouldn’t be a chore to show it...”
In my most recent relationship, I took the problem seriously. I messaged her every day and told her I loved her continuously, to the point where I thought I was overbearing. But it wasn’t good enough and she left me. Can anyone else relate? I’m happy to elaborate or answer any questions. Why do people have a problem with other people being reserved/introverted/quiet? I genuinely can't understand why people want me around
This isn't necessarily a self deprecating rant, I've had those moments but not this time, it's not out of self hatred. I think besides my issues, I'm an okay person but I'm also sensitive and easily hurt, I'm to anxious so I barely speak, my only friend groups and I have little in common, my life is boring or depressing, neither of which makes for a good conversation. Still I've had my friends invite me to hang out, or play games, or even miss me. And I appreciate it but I just, I don't understand why? I never have anything good to contribute to discussions, I'm always behind in games we play, I don't make good jokes, most times I get drowned out by everyone, I'm quiet, I'm not interesting, I'm not doing anything at all to make people want me around, so why would they? I just can't understand it.
Why would you want to hang out with someone quiet, easily hurt, boring/depressing and bad at video games. What are friendships made of
Edit: I realized my typos caused some confusion, fixed to clarify that I don't think I'm trying to put myself down, I just want an answer to the "why" for some reason Why do people feel the need to point out when someone in a group is quiet? For example, “You never say anything” or “you’re so quiet, you never talk”; at seemingly random times. What does someone hope to accomplish by saying this? I've noticed that some people, particularly extroverts, get uncomfortable around quiet people who they don't understand and so can't quickly put in a box. I've had a lot of experience with this. In school, with teachers I've had, and lots of other areas. I can just tell on their face that they feel a little bit awkward or intimidated by me in some kind of weird way. Despite me maybe smiling and showing I'm open to talk to them. I notice them suddenly not knowing how to talk well when they have to talk to me, despite being open/social/casually social the rest of the time.
I noticed this just the other day. There was this girl in a course I was at who was the most dominant in the room, casually making jokes, being the loudest, etc. Later, at break, we were standing and talking as a group and she was there. I hadn't spoken to her before but while talking in the group I looked at her directly while saying something. I thought she would continue the conversation, going along with how open/extroverted she had been with everyone in the course, but she just kind of gave a short answer, cut it short and didn't seem to want to give eye contact. Not in a rude way, but that's just how she responded.
This brings me to something else I want to mention. I've thought this for years. Extroverts' 'social skills' are overrated. Seriously. It's very surface level and doesn't have a strong core, when you try to look. But back to the main point of this post: people become very uncomfortable with people they can't quickly/easily figure out. Why do people want to box you in so badly? I'll do/say NOTHING that would give a person a bad impression of me, e.g. that I'm untrustworthy, that I'm 'rude' because I don't blabber on like a chicken, and people will still end up making up these irrational, negative conclusions about a quiet person in their heads. It's happened to me a lot.
It's like, there's something in these people who become uncomfortable around you, that they feel is 'exposed' when around a quiet person. It's kind of like the dust settles and we get a glimpse of who these people really are. Beneath the confident, secure, and casual exterior. Maybe they feel that.
