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Were you ever told that you lacked human empathy and human warmth?

Did you guys ever feel shocked about the lack of empathy they have?
Did Yours Do This? My ex would literally laugh in my face while I was hysterically crying. Even when I was crying because of a problem unrelated to him, he’d act like it’s not his problem at all. Never a hug or warm words. Did you guys have similar experiences with your nex? People with low empathy, can you explain how you feel about people or situations? Or how you feel when maming friends, especially close ones? How do you feel people who lack empathy should approach having children, if they should in the first place? I may lack empathy and remorse, but these neurotypicals have no empathy whatsoever. Shaming someone for a lack of empathy is just as bad as shaming someone for any other inborn trait
It seems like it isn't uncommon for people to resort to using "lack of empathy" as an insult, especially when discussing social issues. It's my understanding that empathy is largely an immutable personality trait that has little to no component of personal choice involved.
Trying to shame someone for not being empathetic is no different than trying to shame someone for any other innate trait of who they are, be it sexuality, race, or physical size. I personally see the act as even worse when it comes up during conversations regarding social issues because it's most likely to be said by someone who would condemn insulting someone based on some part of themselves they can't control. From a perspective of social power, I will go ahead and point out that shaming those who lack empathy is an institutionalized process that comes from the idea of empathy being fundamentally good, as opposed to it just being one aspect of the human personality. Short background: I am a engineering student(graduate in 6 days). I love learning and figuring things out more than anyone I know. I love solving efficiency problems. I short, I like to solve problems. Very analytical.
I read some research a week or so ago that said those who were more analytical were less likely to experience the emotions that are behind empathy. I did not come to this conclusion about myself then, I have known and understood this fact for a few months now. However, nothing really gives me an explanation as to why. I would kind of like to solve this problem, but I doubt a PhD in Psycology or anything related would help me understand why I need the fictional "empathy box" from Childhood's End. I know that I can learn the things I should say to mimic the emotion, but that becomes hard for me to do when I would rather solve the problem than pretend like I care. Any input?
The majority of my daily interactions are for a laugh. I enjoy laughing a lot and I do it at the drop of a hat and sometimes at the expense of others. It's a natural response to many things. A slight chuckle that is. When it comes to dealing with individuals: If I know them, it is very methodical and I do things slightly different for everyone that I know well. If I do not know them, I try to learn what they like, why they like it, and how carry themselves. I "catalog" this and then if this person enjoys things that I do I will make it point to bring those things up. It's almost like I am writing code. Like I call upon classes and functions for different things. It takes a decent amount of time being with someone before I can say I have written the class for them.
I am mostly ever angry at myself. I do get angry at others when they move my stuff or use it without permission. But this anger towards myself is based on my actions that caused distress to others. For the most part, everything is methodical. The method can be changed relatively easily as well, but I need to right information to do that. I won't change something unless I know it will serve a benefit to me. I don't keep people in my mind unless I interact with them constantly. This makes the whole "Networking" part of getting a job very difficult. I don't keep in touch with others because it's too much work me. It causes me too much anxiety if I a have too many things on my mind. I have been methodically improving my ability to do this, but it's slow going. However, I have made huge improvements since my freshman year of college over 5 years ago. I seldom feel social anxiety any more because of this. Hopefully that was enough data for anyone that wanted it.

 
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