Do you have an easy time making new friends and getting acquainted with new people?
People who have an easy time making friends, how do you do it?
This question is especially directed at those who previously had a hard time making friends.
For me making friends feels as tedious as dating seems to feel for most men. If there for example is a colleague that I think could become a friend I need to invite them to do something. And if I stop inviting them they never contact me on their own. Obviously some people are introverted, shy or socially anxious, so this doesn't have to mean anything, but if two of those colleagues become friends at least one of them has had to initiate something with the other. And no one ever initiates anything with me. For some people the opposite seems to be the case. A previous girlfriend of mine could walk into a bar alone and walk out with a dozen people, both men and women, who wanted to be her friends without her initiating any contact. - I think a lot of guys want more friends, but don't really know how to initiate or it feels vulnerable. So being the guy to say, "Hey let's do xyz" goes a long way (OP, I know you're saying you've already done this and it isn't reciprocated, which I get is disappointing - I'm answering in a general way.) - Do something productive together! I have friends that if we try to just sit in a living room and talk, it's awkward. If I ask my buddy for help installing a bathroom fan/light combo, we have a great time and probably talk more deeply than we would have, plus I get something checked off my list. Or even just sitting on our laptops across from each other, for those that have that kind of flexibility, can be a good way to build a friendship! (Others have shared the "do outdoor activities together" tip, that's a good variation!) If you put yourself in social situations with social people then making friends is easy. Like a rec league or other hobby groups. For example, I go to a commuter school so there's practically zero "college life". My first semester of my freshmen year I had a very hard time making friends. It felt like from day 1 everyone already knew each other and were still in their high school cliques. It wasn't until I started hanging around the clubs that I actually made friends. Obviously joining a club in college is probably a lot easier then finding a local hobbyist group but they do exist and it is possible.
People online will always respond to someone who’s talking about their crappy friends or friendships with “Find better friends” or “You need to find people who care about you” and it just makes it sound so easy to do, but in reality it's hard. Which is ironic coming from me considering I used to make friends easily.
Yeah you can go to every social area filled with people and talk to them but that doesn’t mean any of them will become a genuine close friend or that any of them will show some real effort. At this point I’m starting to think that finding amazing friends is luck based.
I have a few good close friends but other than them, I feel like I don’t have anyone who shows real effort, real love, real care, etc. No one who genuinely wants to talk to me or do things with me or would miss me if I vanished. And the one time in awhile I get a new friend like that, they ghost me. And I get that no one owes anyone time or anything like that but if you’re going to try and be friends with me then I feel like I deserve the same effort back that I put in.
I didn’t even mention how hard meeting new people is, not having a job or school or a big social network or a lot of money really makes it hard to meet new people.
This was kind of a rant post, sorry just kinda wanted to put thoughts into words. I just wish making genuine friends was easier and also wish people would stop making it seem so easy. Ya know what, does anyone here need a new friend or someone to talk to about literally anything? If you do then message me cause we could all use some more good genuine friends.
This question is especially directed at those who previously had a hard time making friends.
For me making friends feels as tedious as dating seems to feel for most men. If there for example is a colleague that I think could become a friend I need to invite them to do something. And if I stop inviting them they never contact me on their own. Obviously some people are introverted, shy or socially anxious, so this doesn't have to mean anything, but if two of those colleagues become friends at least one of them has had to initiate something with the other. And no one ever initiates anything with me. For some people the opposite seems to be the case. A previous girlfriend of mine could walk into a bar alone and walk out with a dozen people, both men and women, who wanted to be her friends without her initiating any contact. - I think a lot of guys want more friends, but don't really know how to initiate or it feels vulnerable. So being the guy to say, "Hey let's do xyz" goes a long way (OP, I know you're saying you've already done this and it isn't reciprocated, which I get is disappointing - I'm answering in a general way.) - Do something productive together! I have friends that if we try to just sit in a living room and talk, it's awkward. If I ask my buddy for help installing a bathroom fan/light combo, we have a great time and probably talk more deeply than we would have, plus I get something checked off my list. Or even just sitting on our laptops across from each other, for those that have that kind of flexibility, can be a good way to build a friendship! (Others have shared the "do outdoor activities together" tip, that's a good variation!) If you put yourself in social situations with social people then making friends is easy. Like a rec league or other hobby groups. For example, I go to a commuter school so there's practically zero "college life". My first semester of my freshmen year I had a very hard time making friends. It felt like from day 1 everyone already knew each other and were still in their high school cliques. It wasn't until I started hanging around the clubs that I actually made friends. Obviously joining a club in college is probably a lot easier then finding a local hobbyist group but they do exist and it is possible.
People online will always respond to someone who’s talking about their crappy friends or friendships with “Find better friends” or “You need to find people who care about you” and it just makes it sound so easy to do, but in reality it's hard. Which is ironic coming from me considering I used to make friends easily.
Yeah you can go to every social area filled with people and talk to them but that doesn’t mean any of them will become a genuine close friend or that any of them will show some real effort. At this point I’m starting to think that finding amazing friends is luck based.
I have a few good close friends but other than them, I feel like I don’t have anyone who shows real effort, real love, real care, etc. No one who genuinely wants to talk to me or do things with me or would miss me if I vanished. And the one time in awhile I get a new friend like that, they ghost me. And I get that no one owes anyone time or anything like that but if you’re going to try and be friends with me then I feel like I deserve the same effort back that I put in.
I didn’t even mention how hard meeting new people is, not having a job or school or a big social network or a lot of money really makes it hard to meet new people.
This was kind of a rant post, sorry just kinda wanted to put thoughts into words. I just wish making genuine friends was easier and also wish people would stop making it seem so easy. Ya know what, does anyone here need a new friend or someone to talk to about literally anything? If you do then message me cause we could all use some more good genuine friends.
