How often do you get angry or lose your temper and lash out at other people?
What do you do when you feel anger rising up inside of you? Are you quick to react? Do you try to push it down? Do you lose control?
Have you ever thought of anger as good or helpful? Or have you always seen it as a bad thing, something to be avoided?
In “How to Raise Kids Who Are Good at Getting Angry,” Catherine Pearson writes about what she calls anger’s “bad reputation” and offers strategies for teaching children how to cope. Though the article is written for parents, its ideas apply to people of any age. It begins:
I never really witnessed pure rage up close until I became a parent of toddlers. My children, who are a bit older now, weren’t big tantrum throwers. But when they went for it, they really went for it: screaming, sobbing, full-body shaking — the works. Fortunately, their respective meltdown phases were brief. I say “fortunately,” because I didn’t do much to help tame their outbursts. I was flummoxed by their fits of anger, and sometimes worried about who I was raising.
How often do you and your partner get irritated with each other? Why does it feel better to take your anger out on other people?
I love this community (I sometimes share on my main account) and I'm wondering if you ladies can share some insight on what is normal and healthy for you. I'm not sure if I have the best normal meter.
What are you still angry about after a long time?
How often would you say that you or your partner gets openly irritated with the other for things like not having closed the blinds yet when it's starting to get dark, missing a spot on a dish you washed, leaving a light on when one person is in bed and the other isn't, or other things along those lines.
How often do you yell at your kids (out of anger or frustration, we're not talking about yelling about safety issues here)?
We visited some friends a couple week ago with two boys, 4 and 7. It honestly seemed like they were yelling at the boys constantly. At a minimum, 20 times a day.
I can't always tell whether I am making a lot of obvious and inconvenient mistakes that anyone would get mad about, whether he gets mad too easily, or whether we just aren't compatible. I know everyone and every relationship is different, but my own feelings about this issue flip wildly and so I am wondering if there's some kind of 'average' or something I can think about as reference.
“Many of us were taught that anger is bad, and that to show we’re angry and express our feelings is bad,” said Jazmine McCoy, a child and family psychologist and author of “The Ultimate Tantrum Guide.”
How often do you get annoyed with your SO? What should they do (or don't do) to relieve the tension?
But anger isn’t bad, Dr. McCoy said, nor is expressing it inherently dangerous or disrespectful. Learning to manage anger is a lifelong skill that allows children to function at home, in school and out in the world without losing control.
How often do you lose your temper? How do you never get angry or get bothered by people?
Ms. Pearson suggests several ways parents can help children express and manage their anger. First, recognize that anger is normal:
Do you ever come home from work feeling angry or irritable?
Ever since starting a new job in a new company I have been coming home angry because I am so stressed out/ frustrated during the day.
The reason I am stressed is because the processes aren't documented at all and the security policies are not what I am used to/ I don't agree with them. For example I spent 3 hours today trying to uninstall a corrupted version of office from a remote computer where I don't have local admin rights.
Does anyone else come home angry every day and how do you deal with it?
When it comes to kids and anger, it can help to remember a few simple facts: First, anger is a basic human emotion. And second, emotions exist to tell us about ourselves and our relationships, explained Dave Anderson, a clinical psychologist and vice president of school and community programs at the Child Mind Institute, a nonprofit that provides therapy to children and families. Emotions can help us to answer basic questions: What would we like more of? What would we like to stop?
How often do you get angry at your partner and it is normal?
Parents can also help children build an emotional vocabulary: “Name it to tame it” — a phrase coined by psychologist Dan Siegel — is an oft-repeated mantra among child development specialists who believe in the importance of teaching children to identify and label their feelings so they can talk about what they are going through.
They should share when they are angry themselves …
Parents sometimes feel like they need to shield their children from their own emotions, but opening up during moments of fury or frustration can be educational. Describe to your child what it feels like physically. Is your mind racing? Is your heart beating fast?
… and identify effective ways to cope:
Kids also need to find their own ways to self-regulate, and they may be different from yours. Helping your child find an outlet (or outlets) for their anger may take experimentation. Some children will respond to simple deep breathing exercises, Dr. Anderson said.
Others may require a more intense physical release. On her website, Dr. McCoy suggests letting children pound Play-Doh, rip up paper or build a block tower and knock it down. They might find it helpful to scream into or punch a pillow, or run around outside.
Parents should also set clear boundaries around unsafe behaviors:
Children must learn the distinction that while all emotions — including anger — are OK, not all behavior is OK, Dr. McCoy said. So clear, consistent boundaries around aggressive or unsafe behaviors are important.
And they should listen and be open to children’s feelings:
In terms of the bigger picture, it is important to make sure your child has ample opportunities to discuss their feelings — anger, sadness, excitement, all of it — with trusted friends, family or a mental health provider.
Students, read the entire article, then tell us:
What have you been taught about anger by the adults in your life? What have they explicitly told you about anger and how to handle it? What behaviors have they modeled for you? What attitudes or outlooks have you picked up on from how they have reacted to your anger?
What advice from the article did you find most helpful or surprising, and why? How might you use it in your life? Would you add any suggestions?
Is anger an underrated emotion? Do you think you, the people in your life or society at large view it too negatively? Has anything good ever come out of your anger?
Dr. McCoy stated, “Children must learn the distinction that while all emotions — including anger — are OK, not all behavior is OK.” What does this mean to you? Can you give an example from your life that illustrates how anger is a valid emotion that doesn’t excuse all behavior? What do you think about the idea that underneath anger is the feeling of being misunderstood, disconnected and scared? Does that ring true for you? How do you think you might use this knowledge the next time you are in the presence of anger, either your own or someone else’s?
Have you ever thought of anger as good or helpful? Or have you always seen it as a bad thing, something to be avoided?
In “How to Raise Kids Who Are Good at Getting Angry,” Catherine Pearson writes about what she calls anger’s “bad reputation” and offers strategies for teaching children how to cope. Though the article is written for parents, its ideas apply to people of any age. It begins:
I never really witnessed pure rage up close until I became a parent of toddlers. My children, who are a bit older now, weren’t big tantrum throwers. But when they went for it, they really went for it: screaming, sobbing, full-body shaking — the works. Fortunately, their respective meltdown phases were brief. I say “fortunately,” because I didn’t do much to help tame their outbursts. I was flummoxed by their fits of anger, and sometimes worried about who I was raising.
How often do you and your partner get irritated with each other? Why does it feel better to take your anger out on other people?
I love this community (I sometimes share on my main account) and I'm wondering if you ladies can share some insight on what is normal and healthy for you. I'm not sure if I have the best normal meter.
What are you still angry about after a long time?
How often would you say that you or your partner gets openly irritated with the other for things like not having closed the blinds yet when it's starting to get dark, missing a spot on a dish you washed, leaving a light on when one person is in bed and the other isn't, or other things along those lines.
How often do you yell at your kids (out of anger or frustration, we're not talking about yelling about safety issues here)?
We visited some friends a couple week ago with two boys, 4 and 7. It honestly seemed like they were yelling at the boys constantly. At a minimum, 20 times a day.
I can't always tell whether I am making a lot of obvious and inconvenient mistakes that anyone would get mad about, whether he gets mad too easily, or whether we just aren't compatible. I know everyone and every relationship is different, but my own feelings about this issue flip wildly and so I am wondering if there's some kind of 'average' or something I can think about as reference.
“Many of us were taught that anger is bad, and that to show we’re angry and express our feelings is bad,” said Jazmine McCoy, a child and family psychologist and author of “The Ultimate Tantrum Guide.”
How often do you get annoyed with your SO? What should they do (or don't do) to relieve the tension?
But anger isn’t bad, Dr. McCoy said, nor is expressing it inherently dangerous or disrespectful. Learning to manage anger is a lifelong skill that allows children to function at home, in school and out in the world without losing control.
How often do you lose your temper? How do you never get angry or get bothered by people?
Ms. Pearson suggests several ways parents can help children express and manage their anger. First, recognize that anger is normal:
Do you ever come home from work feeling angry or irritable?
Ever since starting a new job in a new company I have been coming home angry because I am so stressed out/ frustrated during the day.
The reason I am stressed is because the processes aren't documented at all and the security policies are not what I am used to/ I don't agree with them. For example I spent 3 hours today trying to uninstall a corrupted version of office from a remote computer where I don't have local admin rights.
Does anyone else come home angry every day and how do you deal with it?
When it comes to kids and anger, it can help to remember a few simple facts: First, anger is a basic human emotion. And second, emotions exist to tell us about ourselves and our relationships, explained Dave Anderson, a clinical psychologist and vice president of school and community programs at the Child Mind Institute, a nonprofit that provides therapy to children and families. Emotions can help us to answer basic questions: What would we like more of? What would we like to stop?
How often do you get angry at your partner and it is normal?
Parents can also help children build an emotional vocabulary: “Name it to tame it” — a phrase coined by psychologist Dan Siegel — is an oft-repeated mantra among child development specialists who believe in the importance of teaching children to identify and label their feelings so they can talk about what they are going through.
They should share when they are angry themselves …
Parents sometimes feel like they need to shield their children from their own emotions, but opening up during moments of fury or frustration can be educational. Describe to your child what it feels like physically. Is your mind racing? Is your heart beating fast?
… and identify effective ways to cope:
Kids also need to find their own ways to self-regulate, and they may be different from yours. Helping your child find an outlet (or outlets) for their anger may take experimentation. Some children will respond to simple deep breathing exercises, Dr. Anderson said.
Others may require a more intense physical release. On her website, Dr. McCoy suggests letting children pound Play-Doh, rip up paper or build a block tower and knock it down. They might find it helpful to scream into or punch a pillow, or run around outside.
Parents should also set clear boundaries around unsafe behaviors:
Children must learn the distinction that while all emotions — including anger — are OK, not all behavior is OK, Dr. McCoy said. So clear, consistent boundaries around aggressive or unsafe behaviors are important.
And they should listen and be open to children’s feelings:
In terms of the bigger picture, it is important to make sure your child has ample opportunities to discuss their feelings — anger, sadness, excitement, all of it — with trusted friends, family or a mental health provider.
Students, read the entire article, then tell us:
What have you been taught about anger by the adults in your life? What have they explicitly told you about anger and how to handle it? What behaviors have they modeled for you? What attitudes or outlooks have you picked up on from how they have reacted to your anger?
What advice from the article did you find most helpful or surprising, and why? How might you use it in your life? Would you add any suggestions?
Is anger an underrated emotion? Do you think you, the people in your life or society at large view it too negatively? Has anything good ever come out of your anger?
Dr. McCoy stated, “Children must learn the distinction that while all emotions — including anger — are OK, not all behavior is OK.” What does this mean to you? Can you give an example from your life that illustrates how anger is a valid emotion that doesn’t excuse all behavior? What do you think about the idea that underneath anger is the feeling of being misunderstood, disconnected and scared? Does that ring true for you? How do you think you might use this knowledge the next time you are in the presence of anger, either your own or someone else’s?
