Have you ever been randomly ghosted?
Have you ever been ghosted? Have you ever ghosted someone else? What do you think are the reasons behind the decision to cut off contact in that way?
In “How to Recover From Being Ghosted,” a short piece from the Tip column, Malia Wollan advises that we let go of our desire for an explanation and seek connection elsewhere.
Here is the full essay:
“You don’t have the control in this situation,” says Gili Freedman, an assistant professor of psychology at St. Mary’s College in Maryland who studies social rejection. In the past few years she has become particularly interested in “ghosting,” a method of ending a relationship by ceasing all forms of communication and simply vanishing — like a ghost. Humans, of course, have always been rejecting one another; ghosting is just a newfangled form facilitated by technology, particularly online dating apps.
You can never truly know what is happening in another human’s mind, so don’t try. A person’s reason for disappearing might not have anything to do with you; trying to suss out a rationale for their behavior is an impossible task. Let go of your desire for an explanation. “One of the things that characterizes ghosting is uncertainty,” Freedman says. Still, you might find it reassuring to know that the person not replying to your texts and calls isn’t having a good time either. In one study, Freedman and her colleagues found that ghosters often were filled with guilt. “There are emotional consequences on both sides,” Freedman says. Friends can ghost you too. In her research, Freedman found that about 23 percent of people say they’ve been ghosted by a romantic partner, and 39 percent say they’ve been ghosted by a friend. When you feel rejected or ostracized, it helps to seek connection elsewhere. “Find an opportunity to experience inclusion, and you’ll feel better,” she says. Call your sister. Take your dog to the park. Go salsa dancing. Do something that gives you that feeling of acceptance. If you’re hurting or feeling unmoored by someone’s sudden disappearance, take heart that the emotional sting will almost certainly fade with time. In fact, humans seem particularly resilient to ghosting; researchers in one study were surprised to find that people who had been ghosted in the previous 12 months reported the same levels of loneliness, helplessness and life satisfaction as those who had not been ghosted. “There are a lot of different ways to increase your sense of belonging and inclusion,” Freedman says. “Being ghosted isn’t going to cause those to plummet and never recover.”
Students, read the paragraphs above, then tell us:
Have you ever been ghosted? If yes, tell us what happened. How did it make you feel? How did you handle the situation? Have you ever ghosted someone else? What were your reasons for cutting off contact with that person? Is ghosting a big problem for teenagers today? How common is it among your friends and peers? What do you think of Ms. Wollan’s advice? Should we give up our desire to know why someone else has ghosted us? What strategies did you learn from the article that you might use in future situations? What advice would you give to others if they have been ghosted? Have you ever been ghosted on? How did it feel? And how have you gotten over it? Have you ever been 'ghosted' by a guy only to have him reappear and tell an outlandish or nonsensical story as an excuse? Have you ever been ghosted? And, what's your considered opinion regarding ghosting?
In “How to Recover From Being Ghosted,” a short piece from the Tip column, Malia Wollan advises that we let go of our desire for an explanation and seek connection elsewhere.
Here is the full essay:
“You don’t have the control in this situation,” says Gili Freedman, an assistant professor of psychology at St. Mary’s College in Maryland who studies social rejection. In the past few years she has become particularly interested in “ghosting,” a method of ending a relationship by ceasing all forms of communication and simply vanishing — like a ghost. Humans, of course, have always been rejecting one another; ghosting is just a newfangled form facilitated by technology, particularly online dating apps.
You can never truly know what is happening in another human’s mind, so don’t try. A person’s reason for disappearing might not have anything to do with you; trying to suss out a rationale for their behavior is an impossible task. Let go of your desire for an explanation. “One of the things that characterizes ghosting is uncertainty,” Freedman says. Still, you might find it reassuring to know that the person not replying to your texts and calls isn’t having a good time either. In one study, Freedman and her colleagues found that ghosters often were filled with guilt. “There are emotional consequences on both sides,” Freedman says. Friends can ghost you too. In her research, Freedman found that about 23 percent of people say they’ve been ghosted by a romantic partner, and 39 percent say they’ve been ghosted by a friend. When you feel rejected or ostracized, it helps to seek connection elsewhere. “Find an opportunity to experience inclusion, and you’ll feel better,” she says. Call your sister. Take your dog to the park. Go salsa dancing. Do something that gives you that feeling of acceptance. If you’re hurting or feeling unmoored by someone’s sudden disappearance, take heart that the emotional sting will almost certainly fade with time. In fact, humans seem particularly resilient to ghosting; researchers in one study were surprised to find that people who had been ghosted in the previous 12 months reported the same levels of loneliness, helplessness and life satisfaction as those who had not been ghosted. “There are a lot of different ways to increase your sense of belonging and inclusion,” Freedman says. “Being ghosted isn’t going to cause those to plummet and never recover.”
Students, read the paragraphs above, then tell us:
Have you ever been ghosted? If yes, tell us what happened. How did it make you feel? How did you handle the situation? Have you ever ghosted someone else? What were your reasons for cutting off contact with that person? Is ghosting a big problem for teenagers today? How common is it among your friends and peers? What do you think of Ms. Wollan’s advice? Should we give up our desire to know why someone else has ghosted us? What strategies did you learn from the article that you might use in future situations? What advice would you give to others if they have been ghosted? Have you ever been ghosted on? How did it feel? And how have you gotten over it? Have you ever been 'ghosted' by a guy only to have him reappear and tell an outlandish or nonsensical story as an excuse? Have you ever been ghosted? And, what's your considered opinion regarding ghosting?
