Do you underestimate how much your friends would like hearing from you?
When was the last time you texted, called, emailed or messaged a friend just to say “hello”?
In “Text Your Friends. It Matters More Than You Think,” Catherine Pearson writes about the power of the casual check-in:
Calling, texting or emailing a friend just to say “hello” might seem like an insignificant gesture — a chore, even, that isn’t worth the effort. Or maybe you worry an unexpected check-in wouldn’t be welcome, as busy as we all tend to be.
But new research suggests that casually reaching out to people in our social circles means more than we realize.
“Even sending a brief message reaching out to check in on someone, just to say ‘Hi,’ that you are thinking of them, and to ask how they’re doing, can be appreciated more than people think,” said Peggy Liu, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing and an associate professor of business administration with the University of Pittsburgh Katz Graduate School of Business.
Dr. Liu is the lead author of a new study — published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on Monday — that found people tend to underestimate how much friends like hearing from them. The article continues with more insight on friendship from Marisa Franco, a psychologist and assistant clinical professor at the University of Maryland and the author of a forthcoming book about making friends: She noted that many people feel awkward about reaching out due to a phenomenon known as the “liking gap,” or the tendency to underestimate how well-liked we really are. People may also hold themselves back because of a similar phenomenon known as the “beautiful mess effect,” which suggests that when we are vulnerable with others, we worry we will be judged harshly. That kind of negativity bias tends to run through all aspects of friendship, Dr. Franco said, and can have a tangible impact on how we behave and interact. But friendship experts like Dr. Franco say they hope the findings will underscore the need to connect with others on a daily basis, and encourage people to see friendship as an important component of personal health, even if reaching out sometimes feels awkward or time-consuming.
“To be functioning at our best, we need to be in a connected state,” she said. “Just like you need to eat, like you need to drink, you need to be connected to be functioning well.”
Students, read the entire article, then tell us:
What is your reaction to the research about checking in with your friends? Does it surprise you to learn how powerful it is? Does any part of this article resonate with your own experiences?
How often do you text, message or call your friends just to say “hi” and see how they are doing? Does feeling awkward or being too busy hold you back from doing it as often as you’d like? Or, do you do this kind of thing all the time without hesitation?
On a scale of “not at all” to “very much,” how appreciative do you think your friends would be if they got a message from you, letting them know you were thinking about them? How would you feel if you got a message like this from one of your friends? Do you think you underestimate how much people would like hearing from you? Why do you think so?
Tell us about a time when you checked in with a friend, or when a friend checked in with you. What was that experience like for you? How did it make you feel?
What role does friendship play in your life? Do you see it as an “important component of personal health,” just like you need to eat and drink, as Dr. Franco says? What do you think you could do to make friendship more of a priority in your life? What is your biggest takeaway from this article? Does it inspire you to reach out to your friends more?
How often do you text your friends and what do you usually talk about?
I have never been much of a text person. I usually only text people for questions about classes or to hang out. I've never texted friends and girls I am interested in on a regular basis aside from the reasons mentioned above. How do you usually start random conversations with your friends. I would like to start texting more often, but don't really know how to.
In “Text Your Friends. It Matters More Than You Think,” Catherine Pearson writes about the power of the casual check-in:
Calling, texting or emailing a friend just to say “hello” might seem like an insignificant gesture — a chore, even, that isn’t worth the effort. Or maybe you worry an unexpected check-in wouldn’t be welcome, as busy as we all tend to be.
But new research suggests that casually reaching out to people in our social circles means more than we realize.
“Even sending a brief message reaching out to check in on someone, just to say ‘Hi,’ that you are thinking of them, and to ask how they’re doing, can be appreciated more than people think,” said Peggy Liu, Ben L. Fryrear Chair in Marketing and an associate professor of business administration with the University of Pittsburgh Katz Graduate School of Business.
Dr. Liu is the lead author of a new study — published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology on Monday — that found people tend to underestimate how much friends like hearing from them. The article continues with more insight on friendship from Marisa Franco, a psychologist and assistant clinical professor at the University of Maryland and the author of a forthcoming book about making friends: She noted that many people feel awkward about reaching out due to a phenomenon known as the “liking gap,” or the tendency to underestimate how well-liked we really are. People may also hold themselves back because of a similar phenomenon known as the “beautiful mess effect,” which suggests that when we are vulnerable with others, we worry we will be judged harshly. That kind of negativity bias tends to run through all aspects of friendship, Dr. Franco said, and can have a tangible impact on how we behave and interact. But friendship experts like Dr. Franco say they hope the findings will underscore the need to connect with others on a daily basis, and encourage people to see friendship as an important component of personal health, even if reaching out sometimes feels awkward or time-consuming.
“To be functioning at our best, we need to be in a connected state,” she said. “Just like you need to eat, like you need to drink, you need to be connected to be functioning well.”
Students, read the entire article, then tell us:
What is your reaction to the research about checking in with your friends? Does it surprise you to learn how powerful it is? Does any part of this article resonate with your own experiences?
How often do you text, message or call your friends just to say “hi” and see how they are doing? Does feeling awkward or being too busy hold you back from doing it as often as you’d like? Or, do you do this kind of thing all the time without hesitation?
On a scale of “not at all” to “very much,” how appreciative do you think your friends would be if they got a message from you, letting them know you were thinking about them? How would you feel if you got a message like this from one of your friends? Do you think you underestimate how much people would like hearing from you? Why do you think so?
Tell us about a time when you checked in with a friend, or when a friend checked in with you. What was that experience like for you? How did it make you feel?
What role does friendship play in your life? Do you see it as an “important component of personal health,” just like you need to eat and drink, as Dr. Franco says? What do you think you could do to make friendship more of a priority in your life? What is your biggest takeaway from this article? Does it inspire you to reach out to your friends more?
How often do you text your friends and what do you usually talk about?
I have never been much of a text person. I usually only text people for questions about classes or to hang out. I've never texted friends and girls I am interested in on a regular basis aside from the reasons mentioned above. How do you usually start random conversations with your friends. I would like to start texting more often, but don't really know how to.
