What do you feel makes you better than everyone else?
Sorry but I think it’s completely reasonable to think you’re better than certain people. Not to say that you’re better than EVERYONE but let’s be honest, you can tell when you are better than someone and saying otherwise is a complete lie and you know it. I guess by meme culture I classify as the "quiet kid". When I'm not around my friends, I'm pretty quiet. I usually keep to myself a lot, laid-back, but dead serious when provoked. But deep inside of me, my true personality, I'm a very passionate, competitive, and intense person, or at least I think. Throughout my whole life, I've been a pretty competitive person. When I was little and lost a boss battle in a video game, I would get very upset. I'm not sure, I guess I have this drive inside of me to be the best possible version of myself, and to surpass others. I made my first real friend when I was 9 years old, at first only because I wanted to be better than them at math. I'm not sure why I have this feeling to be better than other people. Maybe because it just feels good? I don't put other people down, or boast about it. I just like the feeling, that's all. Like for example, I play the cello. When I started playing cello in my middle school orchestra there wasn't any other cellist that could be on the same level as me. It wouldn't be until late middle school that I would discover cellists in high school who were way better than me. Of course, I had the innate feeling to be better than them. I guess I'm really competitive. Also for those who are into astrology signs or whatever they're called, I'm an Aries, if that helps at all. I have low self esteem because I'm not at the top. Currently I am probably somewhere below average. I feel I need to be better than almost everyone in order to be satisfied. I don't think I do it so I can laugh at everyone else or feel superior, I'm just that disappointed in myself and feel I should be so much higher. The reason I think narcisism is because a lot of my motivation comes from comparing myself to others. I feel jealous when I meet or hear about someone amazing, because I'm not better than them. It makes me feel that much worse about myself. Yes, I'm aware it isn't healthy. I am also aware it probably makes me an asshole. Ironically one of the things I work so hard on is being a better person. I don't want to feel insecure but it's the only reason I work so hard. It's such a mental battle in my head because I don't want to be this way but I have to. There's nothing wrong with thinking you're better than everyone else.
The problem comes when you assume you deserve additional privledges in a social situation (thinking you should be first in line, etc.) instead of taking it as a responsibility to hold yourself to a higher standard in general than others. I know INFJ's are perfectionists, and we have a strong set of values that we strongly adhere to. I also know that we tend to project these qualities onto other people; we set such high standards that we always get disappointed with them because they can't comply. I, at least, find myself thinking often, "if I can do it, why can't they?" and "why can't they just be like me?" How do you change this attitude? It sucks. I need to be better than others in order to feel good about myself. I need to be more intelligent, more talented, more mature, wiser and more virtuous than others if I want to feel confident. If I meet someone else, and they're more talented, socially adept, make smarter conclusions or "ahead of their age", I get anxious and shy and lose confidence. I can only be confident with people I percieve as less than me, and I realize it causes me to underestimate people and probably treat them in an arrogant way. I believe it may be rooted in the way I was raised. My mother is a narcissist, and I may have been excessively praised on these aspects I listed higher. I was also better than most at school without even studying much. I have a very artistic mind that has been praised a lot (my mother wants to be an artist and my father is an artist). But I always had very low self-esteem since the beggining of my teenage years. I think my mother started hating me because I wasn't submissive anymore. She was always negative with me, so she never helped build my confidence. Any kid can be smart, and I don't know what makes me me. I feel very ashamed of myself and this caused me to isolate, because as soon as I meet someone I think they're better than me. I feel so behind my age. Now there is no one I can be friend with that is "below me". I value humility, and I want to take this opportunity to become more humble. But a part of me just wants to be "more humble than others".
How do I be confident without needing to be above everyone else? Perhaps it is more about self-worth? How do I gain more self-worth without needing to think less of others? The title says it all. I realized that I think I am superior to everyone I meet. I might not be smarter or more talented, but I'm better overall in both then anyone else seems to be in one. Maybe this is just me coming out of a self-deprecating phase of my life, but I'm legitimately have trouble seeing people as being as good as I am. I don't think it's narcissism though, because I don't think that the world is centered around me, just that I happen to be the best, or am at least better than everyone at something. Seriously, I'm a miracle. I survived a childhood brain tumor, graduated top of my high school class, then was accepted to one of the best colleges in the country. Almost every hobby I try, I'm not half-bad at, though I don't have the time to focus on them all of course. I am in better physical shape than most people. and I can manage my own finances and life better than seemingly everyone. It's tough not to think I'm superior.
Maybe I need life to kick me in the ass and give me some perspective, but if that happened, I'd probably come through on the other side thinking about how much better I am for having conquered a challenge. Life needs pain. Without some pain and suffering you can't know what's good and what makes you happy. The further I get in life, the more I've overcome, whether it be depression, bullying, etc., and thus the better I think I am. When I started writing this, I thought that it was a problem, but now that I'm this far in writing this, I still don't see how I'm not superior. I thought I wanted to have perspective, but I LIKE being better. It's satisfying. If I didn't have that feeling I'd have no confidence and I'd become reclusive and probably never interact with the world. In a way, I guess that I want to show off. I don't know. I also don't know what I hope to get out of writing this rant. Maybe I just wanted to confess that I feel this way somewhere where I won't be called an asshole for it. I should add that I think I do a good job of hiding this feeling in my day to day life. I recently talked to a friend about it, and he said that he had no idea that I felt like I'm superior. Anyway Reddit, if you have any advice or anything to say, let me know, or tell me how I can want to have a true perspective of the world, because even though I feel superior, chances are that I'm not. Maybe I should figure out how to acknowledge that fact.
The problem comes when you assume you deserve additional privledges in a social situation (thinking you should be first in line, etc.) instead of taking it as a responsibility to hold yourself to a higher standard in general than others. I know INFJ's are perfectionists, and we have a strong set of values that we strongly adhere to. I also know that we tend to project these qualities onto other people; we set such high standards that we always get disappointed with them because they can't comply. I, at least, find myself thinking often, "if I can do it, why can't they?" and "why can't they just be like me?" How do you change this attitude? It sucks. I need to be better than others in order to feel good about myself. I need to be more intelligent, more talented, more mature, wiser and more virtuous than others if I want to feel confident. If I meet someone else, and they're more talented, socially adept, make smarter conclusions or "ahead of their age", I get anxious and shy and lose confidence. I can only be confident with people I percieve as less than me, and I realize it causes me to underestimate people and probably treat them in an arrogant way. I believe it may be rooted in the way I was raised. My mother is a narcissist, and I may have been excessively praised on these aspects I listed higher. I was also better than most at school without even studying much. I have a very artistic mind that has been praised a lot (my mother wants to be an artist and my father is an artist). But I always had very low self-esteem since the beggining of my teenage years. I think my mother started hating me because I wasn't submissive anymore. She was always negative with me, so she never helped build my confidence. Any kid can be smart, and I don't know what makes me me. I feel very ashamed of myself and this caused me to isolate, because as soon as I meet someone I think they're better than me. I feel so behind my age. Now there is no one I can be friend with that is "below me". I value humility, and I want to take this opportunity to become more humble. But a part of me just wants to be "more humble than others".
How do I be confident without needing to be above everyone else? Perhaps it is more about self-worth? How do I gain more self-worth without needing to think less of others? The title says it all. I realized that I think I am superior to everyone I meet. I might not be smarter or more talented, but I'm better overall in both then anyone else seems to be in one. Maybe this is just me coming out of a self-deprecating phase of my life, but I'm legitimately have trouble seeing people as being as good as I am. I don't think it's narcissism though, because I don't think that the world is centered around me, just that I happen to be the best, or am at least better than everyone at something. Seriously, I'm a miracle. I survived a childhood brain tumor, graduated top of my high school class, then was accepted to one of the best colleges in the country. Almost every hobby I try, I'm not half-bad at, though I don't have the time to focus on them all of course. I am in better physical shape than most people. and I can manage my own finances and life better than seemingly everyone. It's tough not to think I'm superior.
Maybe I need life to kick me in the ass and give me some perspective, but if that happened, I'd probably come through on the other side thinking about how much better I am for having conquered a challenge. Life needs pain. Without some pain and suffering you can't know what's good and what makes you happy. The further I get in life, the more I've overcome, whether it be depression, bullying, etc., and thus the better I think I am. When I started writing this, I thought that it was a problem, but now that I'm this far in writing this, I still don't see how I'm not superior. I thought I wanted to have perspective, but I LIKE being better. It's satisfying. If I didn't have that feeling I'd have no confidence and I'd become reclusive and probably never interact with the world. In a way, I guess that I want to show off. I don't know. I also don't know what I hope to get out of writing this rant. Maybe I just wanted to confess that I feel this way somewhere where I won't be called an asshole for it. I should add that I think I do a good job of hiding this feeling in my day to day life. I recently talked to a friend about it, and he said that he had no idea that I felt like I'm superior. Anyway Reddit, if you have any advice or anything to say, let me know, or tell me how I can want to have a true perspective of the world, because even though I feel superior, chances are that I'm not. Maybe I should figure out how to acknowledge that fact.
