Why do people feel the need to put others down?
I've noticed a trend among friends and family and I was hoping for some feedback on how others deal with this. I'm talking about people who talk and act like no one can be as athletic as themselves, and that they are totally in the right for interjecting their own (unwanted and occasionally wrong) advice.
I am all for helping others. I know I'm a beginner and can't possibly know it all, and good advice is good advice. I just think that the way I've seen so many different people give advice (particularly for fitness) can be so condescending. I also don't understand why people demean others for their workout routines. I'm talking about the person who is adamant that their cardio based routine is far superior to another's strength based routine. Or the person who thinks if you aren't pushing yourself to failure for every workout, it's not a good workout.
How do you deal with these types of people? Especially if they're friends or family and you can't just eternally avoid talking about fitness with them? Why do people always try to put me down?
It's like people can smell the weakness on me and are always trying to use me to put down so they can prop themselves up. I'm sick of my "friends", they always call me an incel and try to put me down. I find it so hard to make new friends which is the reason I even stay. My family is always putting me down cause I'm overweight and never had a girlfriend before. I am the middle child and both of my brothers have seen success socially and I have not, It makes me feel like a total loser who is good at nothing. Why do some people feel the need to bring others down? How to deal with people who put you down in front of others?
This includes people who belittle you, make fun of you, order you to do things, become authoritative, criticize you and generally compete with you when in group settings.
From what I can tell, these people seem to be trying to gain power by putting me down, usually subconsciously.
When I was younger, kids like these often were quiet and level with me when we were alone, but would change once we were in a bigger group that involves girls, etc, sometimes ousting and targeting me specifically.
What's unfortunate is that some people never grow out of this when they are older, and I currently have to deal with this at workplace, etc. Under the context that interaction with these people is a must, what can I do? Any idea welcome. Why do people try to put others down, but then act shocked when you're depressed?
Just a bit of background on me.
I have mild autism and sometimes have difficulty understanding people. I am currently seeing a specialist to help with these type of things.
With support I'm gradually getting a lot better, I have found that posting questions and asking for help with certain situations helps me understand situations better and I'm gotten really good support from people on Reddit.
This is something that happened several years ago, it still bugs me as I had difficulty understanding people's motives behind it.
When I was in college I was very socially awkward and was in constant fear of saying or doing something inappropriate. It I did do something bad, I would get a lot of taunting for it.
It got gradually worse though the course years, as I became known as the butt of people's jokes.
I have completed my degree and was doing an add-on course. One time in that year I made a mistake in class and got a lot of taunts for it, with people taking turns of mocking.
I then said "Yeah, this is probably why I'm taking anti-depressants". (I had been put on them and annex pills for anxiety disorder by my doctor).
There was just dead silence in the room and mouth dropped. I didn't like the attention that suddenly gave me so I tried to pass as "Nah just joking".
One guy says "You really should make jokes about that".
A few months later during the summer, I managed to get a good full time job at a large company in a business district. Since I already had the degree, I decided just to work at the job and not continue with the course.
One time during lunch at work, I was walking down to the local cafe, when I happen to run into one of my classmates. I was 22 at the time and she was 26 and she one of the one doing most of the taunting in college.
She waves at me excitedly, and then in the queue she nudges me with her elbow and says enthusiastically and acts like we're best mates and says "Heeyy".
I don't say or anything or make eye contact and she then says "Do you have many repeats?" (College exam repeats).
I just reply without eye contact "I'm not doing them". Her face drops and her tone changes "You're not doing them". No, I say and I just walk away from her as I continue making my lunch order.
I'll acknowledge that I might sound bitter about it and I have tried to put it behind me but it still haunts me sometimes late at night or when I deep in my own thoughts.
I guess it annoys me because I just don't understand people.
I don't understand why they go such lengths to make someone feel bad about themselves but then act shocked when they find out the person actually is sad and depressed.
Then try to act like they're suddenly your best mates when it suits them. You don't have to reply and I could be overthinking this whole thing and I could still just be a bit bitter about the whole thing.
Why do people enjoy watching others suffer?
I'm not making a bleeding-heart point here or anything. I'm just curious if there's a good explanation for why people tend to like watching people get hurt. Youtube videos of accidents/tragedies, numerous televisions shows, and what one might witness in person. What makes them want to see this?
But any advice or explanations could be helpful. In continuation, I want to be able to avert any tension. I know I can also get riled up pretty quick, and my anger just blurs my thinking that it just leads to anxiety and me not asserting into the moment. This will often result to ignoring a situation or avoiding it. It makes me seem very skittish. I also seem to avoid direct confrontation and I think certain circumstances results into me not being assertive, but I experience anxiety and stress when trying to confront just for the sole of alleviating or deal with people, especially the ones that put me down. Do you have similar experiences? What can I do to become more attuned to these certain occurrences? I notice that I also avoid confrontation if I do not have any backing behind me, like for example; I've always been quiet, I've done my fair share but I haven't actually helped with a group's goals, therefore, I'm afraid to retort back when they start approaching, questioning or asking me for things. My friend likes to subtly put others down when they're with girls. How do we put him in his place, call him out or flip it against him?
Usually I just retort with "at least I made the basketball team" (which he gets extremely butthurt about). I don't like putting people down and I try to always bring the people around me up (even people who aren't around me) because positive speakers are associated with those positive traits. I believe he does this from attempting to be the dominant male over me in the situation. The girls subconsciously pick up that he isn't the dominant because he devalues people to bring himself up and that shows insecurity. I believe he's insecure.
I am all for helping others. I know I'm a beginner and can't possibly know it all, and good advice is good advice. I just think that the way I've seen so many different people give advice (particularly for fitness) can be so condescending. I also don't understand why people demean others for their workout routines. I'm talking about the person who is adamant that their cardio based routine is far superior to another's strength based routine. Or the person who thinks if you aren't pushing yourself to failure for every workout, it's not a good workout.
How do you deal with these types of people? Especially if they're friends or family and you can't just eternally avoid talking about fitness with them? Why do people always try to put me down?
It's like people can smell the weakness on me and are always trying to use me to put down so they can prop themselves up. I'm sick of my "friends", they always call me an incel and try to put me down. I find it so hard to make new friends which is the reason I even stay. My family is always putting me down cause I'm overweight and never had a girlfriend before. I am the middle child and both of my brothers have seen success socially and I have not, It makes me feel like a total loser who is good at nothing. Why do some people feel the need to bring others down? How to deal with people who put you down in front of others?
This includes people who belittle you, make fun of you, order you to do things, become authoritative, criticize you and generally compete with you when in group settings.
From what I can tell, these people seem to be trying to gain power by putting me down, usually subconsciously.
When I was younger, kids like these often were quiet and level with me when we were alone, but would change once we were in a bigger group that involves girls, etc, sometimes ousting and targeting me specifically.
What's unfortunate is that some people never grow out of this when they are older, and I currently have to deal with this at workplace, etc. Under the context that interaction with these people is a must, what can I do? Any idea welcome. Why do people try to put others down, but then act shocked when you're depressed?
Just a bit of background on me.
I have mild autism and sometimes have difficulty understanding people. I am currently seeing a specialist to help with these type of things.
With support I'm gradually getting a lot better, I have found that posting questions and asking for help with certain situations helps me understand situations better and I'm gotten really good support from people on Reddit.
This is something that happened several years ago, it still bugs me as I had difficulty understanding people's motives behind it.
When I was in college I was very socially awkward and was in constant fear of saying or doing something inappropriate. It I did do something bad, I would get a lot of taunting for it.
It got gradually worse though the course years, as I became known as the butt of people's jokes.
I have completed my degree and was doing an add-on course. One time in that year I made a mistake in class and got a lot of taunts for it, with people taking turns of mocking.
I then said "Yeah, this is probably why I'm taking anti-depressants". (I had been put on them and annex pills for anxiety disorder by my doctor).
There was just dead silence in the room and mouth dropped. I didn't like the attention that suddenly gave me so I tried to pass as "Nah just joking".
One guy says "You really should make jokes about that".
A few months later during the summer, I managed to get a good full time job at a large company in a business district. Since I already had the degree, I decided just to work at the job and not continue with the course.
One time during lunch at work, I was walking down to the local cafe, when I happen to run into one of my classmates. I was 22 at the time and she was 26 and she one of the one doing most of the taunting in college.
She waves at me excitedly, and then in the queue she nudges me with her elbow and says enthusiastically and acts like we're best mates and says "Heeyy".
I don't say or anything or make eye contact and she then says "Do you have many repeats?" (College exam repeats).
I just reply without eye contact "I'm not doing them". Her face drops and her tone changes "You're not doing them". No, I say and I just walk away from her as I continue making my lunch order.
I'll acknowledge that I might sound bitter about it and I have tried to put it behind me but it still haunts me sometimes late at night or when I deep in my own thoughts.
I guess it annoys me because I just don't understand people.
I don't understand why they go such lengths to make someone feel bad about themselves but then act shocked when they find out the person actually is sad and depressed.
Then try to act like they're suddenly your best mates when it suits them. You don't have to reply and I could be overthinking this whole thing and I could still just be a bit bitter about the whole thing.
Why do people enjoy watching others suffer?
I'm not making a bleeding-heart point here or anything. I'm just curious if there's a good explanation for why people tend to like watching people get hurt. Youtube videos of accidents/tragedies, numerous televisions shows, and what one might witness in person. What makes them want to see this?
But any advice or explanations could be helpful. In continuation, I want to be able to avert any tension. I know I can also get riled up pretty quick, and my anger just blurs my thinking that it just leads to anxiety and me not asserting into the moment. This will often result to ignoring a situation or avoiding it. It makes me seem very skittish. I also seem to avoid direct confrontation and I think certain circumstances results into me not being assertive, but I experience anxiety and stress when trying to confront just for the sole of alleviating or deal with people, especially the ones that put me down. Do you have similar experiences? What can I do to become more attuned to these certain occurrences? I notice that I also avoid confrontation if I do not have any backing behind me, like for example; I've always been quiet, I've done my fair share but I haven't actually helped with a group's goals, therefore, I'm afraid to retort back when they start approaching, questioning or asking me for things. My friend likes to subtly put others down when they're with girls. How do we put him in his place, call him out or flip it against him?
Usually I just retort with "at least I made the basketball team" (which he gets extremely butthurt about). I don't like putting people down and I try to always bring the people around me up (even people who aren't around me) because positive speakers are associated with those positive traits. I believe he does this from attempting to be the dominant male over me in the situation. The girls subconsciously pick up that he isn't the dominant because he devalues people to bring himself up and that shows insecurity. I believe he's insecure.
