What type of person do you instantly know you won't get along well with?
How can you tell that you and your SO are really compatible?
You can have the same personality, mindset, hobbies, perspectives and some interest but the butterflies can’t still be as much I am a female in my twenties now, and do not have friends.
All my life I didn't have many friends, and struggled to make friends. I was always deemed as unlikeable, but I never knew why and to this day I still don't know why. I'm a kind, nice person. I am selfless and I put other people first. I am told I'm quirky and funny, yet people still don't want to be friends with me.
When I moved away to college, I thought it could be a nice fresh start to meet loads of new people, and make connections. At the start, I would talk to a lot of people and everyone was friendly, and I was friendly to everyone, but as time has gone on, those people that I made friends with have distanced themselves away from me. This happens every time. Sometimes people are happy to get to know me, but as soon as they do, they don't want anything to do with me and distance themselves. Every time I make a new friend, I lose them pretty quickly, in some way or another. I don't know why that is. It must be something to do with my personality. It makes me feel so crappy about myself. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I spend days wondering what it is about me that people dislike so much. Every time I get to know a person and start becoming friends, I get frightened that they will leave soon as well, like everyone else.
In my whole life, I have only had a few friends combined, and after some time a lot of them ended up confessing that they never really liked me, or one has said after a long 5 year friendship that she just doesn't want to be seen with me anymore and doesn't ever want to talk to me again, which was heartbreaking.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Does anyone have any advice? I don't want advice how to make friends, as I have no problem meeting people and talking to them to get to know them, I just have a problem where people that get to know me don't like me. I'm baffled as I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I tried therapy and talking this through with a therapist and it didn't help.
To all the people that relate to me, just know that you are not alone with this and there are so many more people like yourself. Anyone can message me at any point and we can be friends, if you want someone to talk to:) What are some subtle relationship "Red Flags" that are often overlooked?
First dates, long term relationships and everything in between. So I had a small lightbulb moment the other day.
I (33M) got divorced about a year ago. I’ve dated quite a bit since then, meeting people both on and off dating apps. Over that time I’ve realized that I’m really probably not ready to be dating again yet.
Why? Well, I asked myself this question: “If I were the type of girl I want to end up with, would I currently want to date me?” The honest answer? “You know what? No, probably not.” I’ve realized that since I started dating again, I’ve mostly been doing it as a way to receive positive reinforcement to counteract the feelings of unwanted-ness that naturally result from divorce. Consequently, I’ve been really receptive to attention from girls that aren’t my type, but that flatter me and sleep with me, so I end up leading them on and hurting their feelings when it progresses to the point where they want to have a serious relationship. I end up braking things off, and the pattern repeats itself with someone new. This isn’t healthy. I think we attract people who are in a similar place we are at in our lives. After all, it’s been said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the majority of our time with. If you want someone with a certain physical attractiveness, you probably have to be in that attractiveness ballpark. If you want someone with certain hobbies or a certain lifestyle, you probably have to be involved in those things.
If you want someone in a healthy emotional space or headspace, you need to be in that place.
After doing some self reflection, I definitely need to work on myself. I know it’s a trope and kinda cliché, but I think people miss how important this is. If your goal is to be in a healthy relationship with a person with certain qualities and attributes, you probably need to exhibit a lot of those qualities and attributes yourself, or have the qualities and attributes that attract the type of person you want a relationship with. I know I’m not there yet, but I can get there. And you know what? It’s not all about changing into the type of person someone else wants to be with. It’s about developing into the type of person you want to be, and you’ll attract the type of person you want to be with. What do you make of "when you know, you know"?
I've encountered a non-zero amount of people in my life who claim that finding the person you're meant to be with is fundamentally an instinctual, pheromonal thing. Maybe it's from the moment the person met their current partner. Maybe it's within a week or month. Whatever it is, it's an assertion that love is something that happens to you, not something you can meaningfully shape or guide or even assent to. I feel like not enough people critically analyze this claim, and assert its merits and demerits. I myself am not sure what to make of it. I also don't know to what extent people are mythologizing their pasts, sanding down the rough edges of their courtship, moments of doubt, moments of decidedly not "knowing." Maybe that doesn't really matter, and mythologizing is an important facet of building a resilient and romantic relationship. I also don't really hear stories of people going "I knew he or she or they were the one" -- and then divorcing / breaking up. But they have to exist, right? If so, that implies that when people feel so strongly about a person, they only thing can be certain about is...that they feel strongly about that person. That doesn't mean they're compatible in terms of values or attraction or priorities or any number of other things (but perhaps feeling so strongly about a person correlates with having a lot of those things in common). It's not a guarantor of relationship success. But maybe it's necessary to have a shot at the kind of deep, companionate love so many of us yearn for.
You can have the same personality, mindset, hobbies, perspectives and some interest but the butterflies can’t still be as much I am a female in my twenties now, and do not have friends.
All my life I didn't have many friends, and struggled to make friends. I was always deemed as unlikeable, but I never knew why and to this day I still don't know why. I'm a kind, nice person. I am selfless and I put other people first. I am told I'm quirky and funny, yet people still don't want to be friends with me.
When I moved away to college, I thought it could be a nice fresh start to meet loads of new people, and make connections. At the start, I would talk to a lot of people and everyone was friendly, and I was friendly to everyone, but as time has gone on, those people that I made friends with have distanced themselves away from me. This happens every time. Sometimes people are happy to get to know me, but as soon as they do, they don't want anything to do with me and distance themselves. Every time I make a new friend, I lose them pretty quickly, in some way or another. I don't know why that is. It must be something to do with my personality. It makes me feel so crappy about myself. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. I spend days wondering what it is about me that people dislike so much. Every time I get to know a person and start becoming friends, I get frightened that they will leave soon as well, like everyone else.
In my whole life, I have only had a few friends combined, and after some time a lot of them ended up confessing that they never really liked me, or one has said after a long 5 year friendship that she just doesn't want to be seen with me anymore and doesn't ever want to talk to me again, which was heartbreaking.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Does anyone have any advice? I don't want advice how to make friends, as I have no problem meeting people and talking to them to get to know them, I just have a problem where people that get to know me don't like me. I'm baffled as I don't know what I'm doing wrong.
I tried therapy and talking this through with a therapist and it didn't help.
To all the people that relate to me, just know that you are not alone with this and there are so many more people like yourself. Anyone can message me at any point and we can be friends, if you want someone to talk to:) What are some subtle relationship "Red Flags" that are often overlooked?
First dates, long term relationships and everything in between. So I had a small lightbulb moment the other day.
I (33M) got divorced about a year ago. I’ve dated quite a bit since then, meeting people both on and off dating apps. Over that time I’ve realized that I’m really probably not ready to be dating again yet.
Why? Well, I asked myself this question: “If I were the type of girl I want to end up with, would I currently want to date me?” The honest answer? “You know what? No, probably not.” I’ve realized that since I started dating again, I’ve mostly been doing it as a way to receive positive reinforcement to counteract the feelings of unwanted-ness that naturally result from divorce. Consequently, I’ve been really receptive to attention from girls that aren’t my type, but that flatter me and sleep with me, so I end up leading them on and hurting their feelings when it progresses to the point where they want to have a serious relationship. I end up braking things off, and the pattern repeats itself with someone new. This isn’t healthy. I think we attract people who are in a similar place we are at in our lives. After all, it’s been said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the majority of our time with. If you want someone with a certain physical attractiveness, you probably have to be in that attractiveness ballpark. If you want someone with certain hobbies or a certain lifestyle, you probably have to be involved in those things.
If you want someone in a healthy emotional space or headspace, you need to be in that place.
After doing some self reflection, I definitely need to work on myself. I know it’s a trope and kinda cliché, but I think people miss how important this is. If your goal is to be in a healthy relationship with a person with certain qualities and attributes, you probably need to exhibit a lot of those qualities and attributes yourself, or have the qualities and attributes that attract the type of person you want a relationship with. I know I’m not there yet, but I can get there. And you know what? It’s not all about changing into the type of person someone else wants to be with. It’s about developing into the type of person you want to be, and you’ll attract the type of person you want to be with. What do you make of "when you know, you know"?
I've encountered a non-zero amount of people in my life who claim that finding the person you're meant to be with is fundamentally an instinctual, pheromonal thing. Maybe it's from the moment the person met their current partner. Maybe it's within a week or month. Whatever it is, it's an assertion that love is something that happens to you, not something you can meaningfully shape or guide or even assent to. I feel like not enough people critically analyze this claim, and assert its merits and demerits. I myself am not sure what to make of it. I also don't know to what extent people are mythologizing their pasts, sanding down the rough edges of their courtship, moments of doubt, moments of decidedly not "knowing." Maybe that doesn't really matter, and mythologizing is an important facet of building a resilient and romantic relationship. I also don't really hear stories of people going "I knew he or she or they were the one" -- and then divorcing / breaking up. But they have to exist, right? If so, that implies that when people feel so strongly about a person, they only thing can be certain about is...that they feel strongly about that person. That doesn't mean they're compatible in terms of values or attraction or priorities or any number of other things (but perhaps feeling so strongly about a person correlates with having a lot of those things in common). It's not a guarantor of relationship success. But maybe it's necessary to have a shot at the kind of deep, companionate love so many of us yearn for.
