Have you ever been told that you're too needy?
Has your current or a past partner ever accused you of being clingy or dependent? What sort of behaviors make a woman seem too needy?
For example, do you like to get texts throughout the day? Talk daily? How often do you want to see your SO? And do needy behaviors ever feel flattering? I'm obsessive, needy and clingy and don't know how to change.
I know it's toxic but I can't seem to change my behavior, no matter how much I try. I had a crush on a guy in the past and, while he didn't like me, he knew. He tried to help me to stop being clingy by saying “if you don't text me for a week or two I'll end up texting you first. Maybe try that instead of messaging me every 2 minutes.”
It felt mortifying but it hasn't stopped me do anything. I didn't text him for those two weeks but still obsessively checked if he sent anything, thought about him 24/7 and just... couldn't stop. I thought I got better but it was just because I wasn't crushing on anyone for a few years. As soon as I actually clicked with someone recently, my toxic behaviors came back. I have tried not being too clingy, but it just doesn't end up working. I've been very needy of attention from the BF this month. It's stemming from my insecurity about our future. We're approaching a year and I'm not sure where he sees the relationship going and my last relationship of 5 years ended with a big dud. I'm terrified of this happening again and I've fallen big time for this man. I've been straight up telling him I'm needy for attention. I crawl all over him when I'm sitting next to him, constantly hug him, etc. He doesn't seem to mind but I feel stupid for doing it.
Weirdly enough my odd days are when I need everyone to back off and let me be alone for a little bit. Then I am back to normal. But I am pretty introverted so there is that. I have however felt the needy urge but then I realize that I am alone and can read a book. I will usually chill and wait for them to get in contact and then get involved in a story and forget about it.
You make it all about her and what she thinks. Don't do that. If she pulls away and doesn't respond, leave her be for awhile. Let her come back to you. If you text again, keep it light and friendly. People don't like to think that you're hanging on their every word, or they start to devalue you. And they don't want to think that you are just staring at the phone all day trying to keep a conversation going. A bit of attention and attentiveness is a good thing, but then temper that with some space. Find something else engaging to do with your day and then maybe come back to the conversation later.
Guys are not the only ones who like 'the chase,' sometimes the girls wanna chase the dudes. So you need to cut your interaction with her down to the bone; don't ghost, but be aloof. Let her come to you. And if she doesn't come to you for a long time, let her go. If she never comes to you, it'll tell you all you need to know. Find other stuff to occupy your time-- women likely wont ever value you as much as you (as a clingy dude) value them. And that's okay so long as you can make the right moves as to not screw yourself over and scare them off. It helps to not put them up on a pedestal.
That's why "nice guys" aren't attractive. I mean yeah there's physical attraction but what I'm talking about is attitude and self assurance. Nice guys make it so obvious that they are only nice to people that might wanna bang them instead of being friendly with everybody. It's very creepy and almost malicious to just do all these things and be nice to someone not because you see them as another fellow human being but as some goal that you can "score".
Different people have different needs to be with their SO. Personally, I like a lot of space, during which I live my life and do my own thing. I see someone as being clingy when they always need to be spending time with me or otherwise be in touch constantly. Like calling or texting me for no reason. Sudden inability to do anything on her own, like go see a movie with friends, and being upset when I do likewise.
Texting should only be used for setting up times to actually hang out in person and gaining a small bit of knowledge for things to talk about while you see each other. Other than that, don't text them all day everyday. Don't respond as soon as they do. After a few days of talking go a day or two without talking at all then start it back up. If you're doing nothing but texting all the time it makes them feel like you don't have a life.
Get hobbies. Seriously that's the answer. Do things where you aren't sitting around all day waiting for her to text back. Start going to the gym, play an instrument, learn how adobe photoshop shit I don't know. But do things that you have fun with where you aren't staring at your phone all the time. Make yourself busy.
It's about whether or not she feels comfortable with you, which has NOTHING to do with "value" and everything to do with your behavior. She's right to avoid you if you think it's appropriate to tell her you love her and if you think in terms of "getting" her. That's possessive thought and it's terrifying for many women. Go read When Women Refuse so you can get some perspective on how to handle things like this.
Constantly needing to be together. I dated a guy in college who wanted to sleep in the same bed every night. We'd only been dating for a few weeks. And we lived in the dorms. And I had the top bunk. My three other roommates weren't comfortable with that, and I understand why. They want to feel comfortable changing in the morning or what have you, and they didn't know this guy. Plus we all shared a room. So I told him no. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of spending every night together either to be honest. He was pretty upset about it, tried to guilt me into it by saying he just wanted to be with me. Basically he had no respect for my personal space. Also it was a no no to talk to other guys. Aaaand he dropped the L word only three weeks in. I understand that strong feelings can develop that fast for some but, I mean, I was only three weeks into knowing this guy and it was weird because I didn't feel the same. It seemed like he was just more interested in having a girlfriend to validate him than he actually was interested in being with me.
My general definition is someone who requires more time or talking than the other party does to the point that it causes issues. You can put two people who like lots of time together with each other and they won't seem needy, but put one of those people with someone who likes a lot of alone time and then that person will seem needy to the other. Same with validation which comes up often in the needy category. Two people who want a lot of affirmation will usually be fine, one that wants a lot of it and one that doesn't will have issues as the one that doesn't will feel like that are on reassurance duty all the time. I think people find this unattractive because it's a large compatibility issue.
Needy men don't turn me off, necessarily. If a guy I'm dating or really interested in constantly texts me and tells me how much he needs me, then it's cute and awesome. If it's a guy who likes me but who I don't really like back, then the neediness becomes annoying. If he sends me a few messages and wants to know what I'm doing and how I am, I start thinking, "this guy needs to get a life already! Can't he take a hint?" Whereas if a guy I was into was messaging me in the same way, I'd just feel excited and giddy.
Constant need for validation and reassurance. Everyone needs that here and there, but if you're constantly and excessively worried that my feelings are waning then you're going to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. This has been a problem in every relationship before the one I'm in now. Current SO gives me space because he likes space too. We don't need each other, we WANT each other. It's a lot more fun that way.
I think neediness in general is unattractive because it makes people feel like they are the center of the other person's universe and you wonder why this person has such a low view of themselves that they 'need' you in order to be happy or it can just be very draining and annoying. It's just an unhealthy sign of an underlying issues that some people don't want to be involved in. Being needy is different than being affectionate, being needy implies you get upset over the person not being where you want them when you need them all the time and disregarding that they do have other things going on in their lives.
If he’s given you permission to use the key to come and go from his place I’d give it a bit more time and if he doesn’t respond I’d swing by for a wellness check. People could be busy for a while and maybe didn’t notice how long it’d had been but if you’re really worried go check or call a friend of his to try to get in contact. The latter might get the job done without you worrying about him giving you a weird look.
I was recently in an LDR. I felt needy alot but this person also had a very busy life and she clearly made time to talk to me. She dumped me eventually for other reasons. Looking back the LDR wasnt working even for me bc a lot of times I was needy and waiting for her to txt or call and she was stressed out bc she couldn’t talk as much as she wanted either. It’s not healthy behavior if you get stressed or worried like I was. Mentally draining. Recognize if something is not working for you and talk about it and if a solution is not found then make the choice to continue to being in that state of mind or break up.
I had that sometimes, it's perfectly ok to say "hey, I feel more emotionally needy today, can we text/call/facetime?", even when you're a guy. Your emotional meeds aren't that different just cause of the gender. Just let her know, you know?
Normally not, we had a scheduled time when we do things together, chatting, have virtual lunch/dinner etc etc but as this pandemia started, we both needed much more attention. Since this covid pandemia, I could be (and actually had been many times) dispatched at any given time. It's so frustrating for me not spending much more time with her like we used to. Especially during the 1st wave, when I volounteered to come back to my home country (🇮🇹) to help and support the frontliners (I had been sent into one of the two covid outbreak epicenter). She was scared to death to lose me. Many times I videocalled her while still wearing an HAZMAT suit because I just picked up a covid patient and I will never forget her eyes getting watered while her voice started trembling😢
I spent years feeling guilty about the 'awful' friend I was. I seemed to attract friends that are incredibly emotional and need to vent/cry at every opportunity. It was draining and I avoided meeting up with friends like the plague. A few years ago I decided to distance myself from these friends, and I've never been happier. Nowadays I sort of make it clear to work colleagues etc that I'm not up for meeting up outside of work. It's what I have to do for my own inner peace and happiness. Other than my family/boyfriend/dogs people are hard work and draining :/
Oh god yes. I screen calls and text messages for exactly this reason, and I will tell people that I don't like to talk all the time because I need a LOT of alone time. Most people are cool with it when you set expectations up front. My best friends in the world are people I talk to once every couple of months. That's when we have interesting things to talk about and can actually have a deep conversation for a good while. Most of them also live in different cities, so I don't have to worry about the drive by visitor.
I was a clingy friend at one point. I became pretty attached to this one friend of mine and I would always ask him to hang out and I would always text him, even after he takes hours to reply or says no. Reflecting on all of this, my clinginess was due to my hard domestic life. I opened up to my friend about it, and when he shared some of his own troubles with me, I immediately felt a deep sense of attachment because I thought I found someone who could relate to and understand my struggles.
Honestly I didn't even realize I was being too clingy until I heard it from another friend of mine, which was a rude awakening. I am aware that what I was doing was annoying and disrespectful of my friend's boundaries, but I wish he could've handled it better: I really wish he would've just told me that I was being too clingy. Ghosting me or just constantly saying no whenever I would ask to hang out or facetime eventually really hurt my feelings, especially since I didn't realize at the time why he was doing that to me. Not communicating with me really put a strain on our friendship because while I was always happy to be around him, he was quietly sulking in my presence. If he had just sat down with me for a heart to heart talk about how he felt, I would've likely fixed my behavior sooner. In the end, I had to take matters into my own hands to fix our friendship by apologizing to him about my behavior and by asking him to just communicate if I am ever bothering him.
Communication is so so so important. If you guys ever have a clingy friend , please just talk to them about it. Politely communicate that they are crossing your boundaries and establish those boundaries with them. Your friend likely cares for you very much, so they will listen and try their best to make you happy.
Remember, most clingy friends don't realize that they're being annoying and they likely see themselves as just being a really good/caring friend. Don't get mad at them or talk behind their back as well, because if they find out, it'll really hurt their feelings. You need to understand that clingy friends are often clingy because they are facing some kind of difficulty in their lives.
For example, do you like to get texts throughout the day? Talk daily? How often do you want to see your SO? And do needy behaviors ever feel flattering? I'm obsessive, needy and clingy and don't know how to change.
I know it's toxic but I can't seem to change my behavior, no matter how much I try. I had a crush on a guy in the past and, while he didn't like me, he knew. He tried to help me to stop being clingy by saying “if you don't text me for a week or two I'll end up texting you first. Maybe try that instead of messaging me every 2 minutes.”
It felt mortifying but it hasn't stopped me do anything. I didn't text him for those two weeks but still obsessively checked if he sent anything, thought about him 24/7 and just... couldn't stop. I thought I got better but it was just because I wasn't crushing on anyone for a few years. As soon as I actually clicked with someone recently, my toxic behaviors came back. I have tried not being too clingy, but it just doesn't end up working. I've been very needy of attention from the BF this month. It's stemming from my insecurity about our future. We're approaching a year and I'm not sure where he sees the relationship going and my last relationship of 5 years ended with a big dud. I'm terrified of this happening again and I've fallen big time for this man. I've been straight up telling him I'm needy for attention. I crawl all over him when I'm sitting next to him, constantly hug him, etc. He doesn't seem to mind but I feel stupid for doing it.
Weirdly enough my odd days are when I need everyone to back off and let me be alone for a little bit. Then I am back to normal. But I am pretty introverted so there is that. I have however felt the needy urge but then I realize that I am alone and can read a book. I will usually chill and wait for them to get in contact and then get involved in a story and forget about it.
You make it all about her and what she thinks. Don't do that. If she pulls away and doesn't respond, leave her be for awhile. Let her come back to you. If you text again, keep it light and friendly. People don't like to think that you're hanging on their every word, or they start to devalue you. And they don't want to think that you are just staring at the phone all day trying to keep a conversation going. A bit of attention and attentiveness is a good thing, but then temper that with some space. Find something else engaging to do with your day and then maybe come back to the conversation later.
Guys are not the only ones who like 'the chase,' sometimes the girls wanna chase the dudes. So you need to cut your interaction with her down to the bone; don't ghost, but be aloof. Let her come to you. And if she doesn't come to you for a long time, let her go. If she never comes to you, it'll tell you all you need to know. Find other stuff to occupy your time-- women likely wont ever value you as much as you (as a clingy dude) value them. And that's okay so long as you can make the right moves as to not screw yourself over and scare them off. It helps to not put them up on a pedestal.
That's why "nice guys" aren't attractive. I mean yeah there's physical attraction but what I'm talking about is attitude and self assurance. Nice guys make it so obvious that they are only nice to people that might wanna bang them instead of being friendly with everybody. It's very creepy and almost malicious to just do all these things and be nice to someone not because you see them as another fellow human being but as some goal that you can "score".
Different people have different needs to be with their SO. Personally, I like a lot of space, during which I live my life and do my own thing. I see someone as being clingy when they always need to be spending time with me or otherwise be in touch constantly. Like calling or texting me for no reason. Sudden inability to do anything on her own, like go see a movie with friends, and being upset when I do likewise.
Texting should only be used for setting up times to actually hang out in person and gaining a small bit of knowledge for things to talk about while you see each other. Other than that, don't text them all day everyday. Don't respond as soon as they do. After a few days of talking go a day or two without talking at all then start it back up. If you're doing nothing but texting all the time it makes them feel like you don't have a life.
Get hobbies. Seriously that's the answer. Do things where you aren't sitting around all day waiting for her to text back. Start going to the gym, play an instrument, learn how adobe photoshop shit I don't know. But do things that you have fun with where you aren't staring at your phone all the time. Make yourself busy.
It's about whether or not she feels comfortable with you, which has NOTHING to do with "value" and everything to do with your behavior. She's right to avoid you if you think it's appropriate to tell her you love her and if you think in terms of "getting" her. That's possessive thought and it's terrifying for many women. Go read When Women Refuse so you can get some perspective on how to handle things like this.
Constantly needing to be together. I dated a guy in college who wanted to sleep in the same bed every night. We'd only been dating for a few weeks. And we lived in the dorms. And I had the top bunk. My three other roommates weren't comfortable with that, and I understand why. They want to feel comfortable changing in the morning or what have you, and they didn't know this guy. Plus we all shared a room. So I told him no. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of spending every night together either to be honest. He was pretty upset about it, tried to guilt me into it by saying he just wanted to be with me. Basically he had no respect for my personal space. Also it was a no no to talk to other guys. Aaaand he dropped the L word only three weeks in. I understand that strong feelings can develop that fast for some but, I mean, I was only three weeks into knowing this guy and it was weird because I didn't feel the same. It seemed like he was just more interested in having a girlfriend to validate him than he actually was interested in being with me.
My general definition is someone who requires more time or talking than the other party does to the point that it causes issues. You can put two people who like lots of time together with each other and they won't seem needy, but put one of those people with someone who likes a lot of alone time and then that person will seem needy to the other. Same with validation which comes up often in the needy category. Two people who want a lot of affirmation will usually be fine, one that wants a lot of it and one that doesn't will have issues as the one that doesn't will feel like that are on reassurance duty all the time. I think people find this unattractive because it's a large compatibility issue.
Needy men don't turn me off, necessarily. If a guy I'm dating or really interested in constantly texts me and tells me how much he needs me, then it's cute and awesome. If it's a guy who likes me but who I don't really like back, then the neediness becomes annoying. If he sends me a few messages and wants to know what I'm doing and how I am, I start thinking, "this guy needs to get a life already! Can't he take a hint?" Whereas if a guy I was into was messaging me in the same way, I'd just feel excited and giddy.
Constant need for validation and reassurance. Everyone needs that here and there, but if you're constantly and excessively worried that my feelings are waning then you're going to make that a self-fulfilling prophecy. This has been a problem in every relationship before the one I'm in now. Current SO gives me space because he likes space too. We don't need each other, we WANT each other. It's a lot more fun that way.
I think neediness in general is unattractive because it makes people feel like they are the center of the other person's universe and you wonder why this person has such a low view of themselves that they 'need' you in order to be happy or it can just be very draining and annoying. It's just an unhealthy sign of an underlying issues that some people don't want to be involved in. Being needy is different than being affectionate, being needy implies you get upset over the person not being where you want them when you need them all the time and disregarding that they do have other things going on in their lives.
If he’s given you permission to use the key to come and go from his place I’d give it a bit more time and if he doesn’t respond I’d swing by for a wellness check. People could be busy for a while and maybe didn’t notice how long it’d had been but if you’re really worried go check or call a friend of his to try to get in contact. The latter might get the job done without you worrying about him giving you a weird look.
I was recently in an LDR. I felt needy alot but this person also had a very busy life and she clearly made time to talk to me. She dumped me eventually for other reasons. Looking back the LDR wasnt working even for me bc a lot of times I was needy and waiting for her to txt or call and she was stressed out bc she couldn’t talk as much as she wanted either. It’s not healthy behavior if you get stressed or worried like I was. Mentally draining. Recognize if something is not working for you and talk about it and if a solution is not found then make the choice to continue to being in that state of mind or break up.
I had that sometimes, it's perfectly ok to say "hey, I feel more emotionally needy today, can we text/call/facetime?", even when you're a guy. Your emotional meeds aren't that different just cause of the gender. Just let her know, you know?
Normally not, we had a scheduled time when we do things together, chatting, have virtual lunch/dinner etc etc but as this pandemia started, we both needed much more attention. Since this covid pandemia, I could be (and actually had been many times) dispatched at any given time. It's so frustrating for me not spending much more time with her like we used to. Especially during the 1st wave, when I volounteered to come back to my home country (🇮🇹) to help and support the frontliners (I had been sent into one of the two covid outbreak epicenter). She was scared to death to lose me. Many times I videocalled her while still wearing an HAZMAT suit because I just picked up a covid patient and I will never forget her eyes getting watered while her voice started trembling😢
I spent years feeling guilty about the 'awful' friend I was. I seemed to attract friends that are incredibly emotional and need to vent/cry at every opportunity. It was draining and I avoided meeting up with friends like the plague. A few years ago I decided to distance myself from these friends, and I've never been happier. Nowadays I sort of make it clear to work colleagues etc that I'm not up for meeting up outside of work. It's what I have to do for my own inner peace and happiness. Other than my family/boyfriend/dogs people are hard work and draining :/
Oh god yes. I screen calls and text messages for exactly this reason, and I will tell people that I don't like to talk all the time because I need a LOT of alone time. Most people are cool with it when you set expectations up front. My best friends in the world are people I talk to once every couple of months. That's when we have interesting things to talk about and can actually have a deep conversation for a good while. Most of them also live in different cities, so I don't have to worry about the drive by visitor.
I was a clingy friend at one point. I became pretty attached to this one friend of mine and I would always ask him to hang out and I would always text him, even after he takes hours to reply or says no. Reflecting on all of this, my clinginess was due to my hard domestic life. I opened up to my friend about it, and when he shared some of his own troubles with me, I immediately felt a deep sense of attachment because I thought I found someone who could relate to and understand my struggles.
Honestly I didn't even realize I was being too clingy until I heard it from another friend of mine, which was a rude awakening. I am aware that what I was doing was annoying and disrespectful of my friend's boundaries, but I wish he could've handled it better: I really wish he would've just told me that I was being too clingy. Ghosting me or just constantly saying no whenever I would ask to hang out or facetime eventually really hurt my feelings, especially since I didn't realize at the time why he was doing that to me. Not communicating with me really put a strain on our friendship because while I was always happy to be around him, he was quietly sulking in my presence. If he had just sat down with me for a heart to heart talk about how he felt, I would've likely fixed my behavior sooner. In the end, I had to take matters into my own hands to fix our friendship by apologizing to him about my behavior and by asking him to just communicate if I am ever bothering him.
Communication is so so so important. If you guys ever have a clingy friend , please just talk to them about it. Politely communicate that they are crossing your boundaries and establish those boundaries with them. Your friend likely cares for you very much, so they will listen and try their best to make you happy.
Remember, most clingy friends don't realize that they're being annoying and they likely see themselves as just being a really good/caring friend. Don't get mad at them or talk behind their back as well, because if they find out, it'll really hurt their feelings. You need to understand that clingy friends are often clingy because they are facing some kind of difficulty in their lives.
