When is someone emotionally worth investing into and devoting your time to them?
When is someone emotionally worth investing into? I’m curious about the thought process behind when you decide to make connections with a person, in any type of relationship context (work, friendship, family, love..) or any thing you’d like to share on the topic. Have you ever felt like you were more emotionally invested in your relationship than your partner?
Or felt like you loved them more than they loved you? How is/did it go? How do you guys keep yourself from getting too invested emotionally with a girl too quickly?
To start, I'm not the kind of guy that gets into relationships easily. I've been on tons of first dates, but I've been single for a few years now. I met a girl through a dating site, and we seemed to click pretty well after our first date. We went out again the next week, and we met for drinks the night after that. She's said that she's had fun with me and she seemed to get excited when we make plans. We even got a little physically intimate (no sex though). So all of the signs would tell you that this girl likes me at least a little.
The problem I have is that she had to cancel on plans we made last night because she has midterms and she needs to study. I understand that, but now I'm starting to worry that she's suddenly changed her mind about me and that's been bothering me a lot. I don't feel like I should be so worried, since we've haven't known each other that long, but I feel like I started to get too emotionally invested. This sort of thing has happened to me before, a girl likes me and everything is going great until it very suddenly isn't and she doesn't want to go out anymore. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, and she really is occupied with midterms. But even if she does end things, I feel like I shouldn't be this distraught over it. So how do I keep myself calm about this and not get so invested in someone so quickly? I've been seeing a girl, and things have been going great. But I'm worried she may have suddenly changed her mind because of past my experiences. This is bothering me too much, so how do I relax? What can cause a guy to get too emotionally invested in a girl after knowing her for a short time? What tips do you have for not getting too emotionally invested in the beginning of a relationship? Can you be emotionally attached to someone but not care about them?
Relationships for instance; Can you have emotional attachment towards your partner but still only use them? Happens to the best of us. I’ve been casually dating and sleeping with around 5-6 girls for the last few months. Met one girl who clicked better than the rest, share same values, and I started to actually like more than the rest. Had to catch myself before I slipped cause I was about to start behaving in stupid ways. Even caught myself overthinking text exchanges…like wtf. Had to go focus on myself and my other priorities to get my mind straight.
Well re-reading text message conversations and wondering how well they went. Being nice, but bordering on too nice so I had to switch up to being a bit more flirty and tease. Asked her out two days in a row, but she was busy and couldn't make it so backed off a bit. A little overeager and started noticing myself having expectations when that isn't what I normally do. All the overthinking was for nothing though and I have another date with her lined up and will see her tomorrow too. I've learned a lot in dating, but sometimes when a girl is cool she can throw you off track, just have to notice it and catch it.
Like mentioned, date other people. When you have multiple options sort of competing it’s very hard for you to ignore bad characteristics or actions. Since there is less scarcity everything is much clearer and healthier. She stood you up, ok cool, you’ll invest less in her. She has some values that don’t align with you? You’ll pull more towards other girls or look for more. All as opposed to the scarcity of that one girl you are dating and need to get all your sexual needs from and your emotional connection. Is it an ideal situation to constantly date multiple women ? No, but solely for what you are asking it does seem to be the solution.
You also have to shift your focus. it's not about me how not to be emotionally invested it's about how I make her emotionally invested in me. If she does that she probably likes you so just flip the script and make something that makes her invested in you then if she does you're already at a much better place with more options bc if you do tat one time you can 2 times 3 times and so forth so its really the basics of getting girls. Just a sidenote you probably do that bc you do have that many options and you're afraid if you mess it up so have to start everything again, you might have I just assume that so it's smarter to ask yourself why do I do that, once you got a layer deeper or more layers deeper its easier to find what your main problem is what causes that to you. I’m at the beginning of a breakup I think. I gave some ideas when we could meet up which were declined and declined due to kids, schedules etc. I’m pretty sad tonight and the other party seems like “eh, that’s how it goes”. I feel kindof stupid as I invested myself, shut down other possible partners after three weeks in thinking we had a possible future together. So I’m curious, how and when do you invest your heart (M or F). (There you sassy/sexy mod, is that better? 😘).
I've always been really attracted to this guy at my university. We're both about to be seniors. We'd both been in long-term relationships until a few months ago. Mine was 3 years, his was 5. Earlier this month, I ran into him at a bar. We had a really great conversation, and it seemed like we really connected. We saw each other a couple of times after that. We ended up hooking up once. I spent the night twice. Anyway, last night I asked him what exactly he was looking for, because it wasn't readily obvious. He ended up saying that, because of his last girlfriend, part of him was still afraid of getting attached to someone. He said he knew it wasn't fair to me, but he wasn't sure what to do. I said I understood and it probably wasn't good for either of us to be doing a rebound type thing. We both agreed that we have the "rest of the summer" (end of Augustish) to "have fun." I'm guessing this is going to be a FWB kind of deal. I'm totally fine with that. I know that, though I'm in a good place from the breakup, I don't want a relationship my senior year. Part of the reason that my last relationship ended was because I didn't really want that type of commitment. So my question is this: how do you make sure not to get attached? What do you think some good guidelines are? This is relatively short-term, so I'm not too worried, but thought it'd be good to ask anyway. Thanks! Made a new entp friend recently (3 months), we click so much and have already subtly expressed interest in each other, though he was more forward about it. The thing is, it's long distance *so far*, so I don't know how that's gonna work out at this point. He's been pretty earnest about him opening up to me about a lot of things as we're comfortable and are honest with each other. I do like him, but it may be too early to tell him outright that I like him, so we're both just enjoying the friendship we have even if he's told me he likes me. How do you know if an entp is starting to emotionally invest in your friendship? I think it's too early to talk about where our friendship could be heading, but I'm curious to know if it's worth investing in. I am only wary given its long distance at the moment. Would you see LDR as a huge roadblock that influences your decision in investing emotionally or is distance a challenge that you'd want to overcome when you really like someone. What are the signs that you're starting to develop real feelings for somebody (like internal observations about yourself that you've noticed. I just don't know if he's considering the possibility of us coming together eventually given the distance. We're both in our mid-20s. I'm working, entp's still studying. How do you handle emotional investment in relationships with an "expiration date?"
Hi, all. I'm writing to bounce a question off of those of you who might have had a similar situation, or thought about it.
I recently started dating someone with whom I've hit it off. However, we're both well aware of the fact that her life goals include graduating med school in the next couple of years and then moving away to try to practice medicine in rural areas. She has no desire to have another long distance relationship after that, and I can't say that's something I want either (with the exception of a "comet," as I've heard it called; essentially a FWB with whom you might have had a previous romantic entanglement who comes to town, or you visit theirs, and you have a few hot, fiery days and then one of you leaves and you both go back to your normal lives). So, this relationship has a "time box" or "expiration date."
I'm wondering, if you've experienced the same thing, how do you handle your emotional investment levels? Do you just look at it as an ongoing casual dating situation because you know it will end eventually? Or do you simply allow things to run their course, and if deep, romantic feelings come up, you just ride them out until the expiration date? I haven't made a determination one way or another, and this isn't a situation that is unique to polyamory, but I think it is something worth discussion, as a number of people likely have partners whom are currently in school and it is something they might face eventually as well.
Or felt like you loved them more than they loved you? How is/did it go? How do you guys keep yourself from getting too invested emotionally with a girl too quickly?
To start, I'm not the kind of guy that gets into relationships easily. I've been on tons of first dates, but I've been single for a few years now. I met a girl through a dating site, and we seemed to click pretty well after our first date. We went out again the next week, and we met for drinks the night after that. She's said that she's had fun with me and she seemed to get excited when we make plans. We even got a little physically intimate (no sex though). So all of the signs would tell you that this girl likes me at least a little.
The problem I have is that she had to cancel on plans we made last night because she has midterms and she needs to study. I understand that, but now I'm starting to worry that she's suddenly changed her mind about me and that's been bothering me a lot. I don't feel like I should be so worried, since we've haven't known each other that long, but I feel like I started to get too emotionally invested. This sort of thing has happened to me before, a girl likes me and everything is going great until it very suddenly isn't and she doesn't want to go out anymore. Maybe I'm worrying for nothing, and she really is occupied with midterms. But even if she does end things, I feel like I shouldn't be this distraught over it. So how do I keep myself calm about this and not get so invested in someone so quickly? I've been seeing a girl, and things have been going great. But I'm worried she may have suddenly changed her mind because of past my experiences. This is bothering me too much, so how do I relax? What can cause a guy to get too emotionally invested in a girl after knowing her for a short time? What tips do you have for not getting too emotionally invested in the beginning of a relationship? Can you be emotionally attached to someone but not care about them?
Relationships for instance; Can you have emotional attachment towards your partner but still only use them? Happens to the best of us. I’ve been casually dating and sleeping with around 5-6 girls for the last few months. Met one girl who clicked better than the rest, share same values, and I started to actually like more than the rest. Had to catch myself before I slipped cause I was about to start behaving in stupid ways. Even caught myself overthinking text exchanges…like wtf. Had to go focus on myself and my other priorities to get my mind straight.
Well re-reading text message conversations and wondering how well they went. Being nice, but bordering on too nice so I had to switch up to being a bit more flirty and tease. Asked her out two days in a row, but she was busy and couldn't make it so backed off a bit. A little overeager and started noticing myself having expectations when that isn't what I normally do. All the overthinking was for nothing though and I have another date with her lined up and will see her tomorrow too. I've learned a lot in dating, but sometimes when a girl is cool she can throw you off track, just have to notice it and catch it.
Like mentioned, date other people. When you have multiple options sort of competing it’s very hard for you to ignore bad characteristics or actions. Since there is less scarcity everything is much clearer and healthier. She stood you up, ok cool, you’ll invest less in her. She has some values that don’t align with you? You’ll pull more towards other girls or look for more. All as opposed to the scarcity of that one girl you are dating and need to get all your sexual needs from and your emotional connection. Is it an ideal situation to constantly date multiple women ? No, but solely for what you are asking it does seem to be the solution.
You also have to shift your focus. it's not about me how not to be emotionally invested it's about how I make her emotionally invested in me. If she does that she probably likes you so just flip the script and make something that makes her invested in you then if she does you're already at a much better place with more options bc if you do tat one time you can 2 times 3 times and so forth so its really the basics of getting girls. Just a sidenote you probably do that bc you do have that many options and you're afraid if you mess it up so have to start everything again, you might have I just assume that so it's smarter to ask yourself why do I do that, once you got a layer deeper or more layers deeper its easier to find what your main problem is what causes that to you. I’m at the beginning of a breakup I think. I gave some ideas when we could meet up which were declined and declined due to kids, schedules etc. I’m pretty sad tonight and the other party seems like “eh, that’s how it goes”. I feel kindof stupid as I invested myself, shut down other possible partners after three weeks in thinking we had a possible future together. So I’m curious, how and when do you invest your heart (M or F). (There you sassy/sexy mod, is that better? 😘).
I've always been really attracted to this guy at my university. We're both about to be seniors. We'd both been in long-term relationships until a few months ago. Mine was 3 years, his was 5. Earlier this month, I ran into him at a bar. We had a really great conversation, and it seemed like we really connected. We saw each other a couple of times after that. We ended up hooking up once. I spent the night twice. Anyway, last night I asked him what exactly he was looking for, because it wasn't readily obvious. He ended up saying that, because of his last girlfriend, part of him was still afraid of getting attached to someone. He said he knew it wasn't fair to me, but he wasn't sure what to do. I said I understood and it probably wasn't good for either of us to be doing a rebound type thing. We both agreed that we have the "rest of the summer" (end of Augustish) to "have fun." I'm guessing this is going to be a FWB kind of deal. I'm totally fine with that. I know that, though I'm in a good place from the breakup, I don't want a relationship my senior year. Part of the reason that my last relationship ended was because I didn't really want that type of commitment. So my question is this: how do you make sure not to get attached? What do you think some good guidelines are? This is relatively short-term, so I'm not too worried, but thought it'd be good to ask anyway. Thanks! Made a new entp friend recently (3 months), we click so much and have already subtly expressed interest in each other, though he was more forward about it. The thing is, it's long distance *so far*, so I don't know how that's gonna work out at this point. He's been pretty earnest about him opening up to me about a lot of things as we're comfortable and are honest with each other. I do like him, but it may be too early to tell him outright that I like him, so we're both just enjoying the friendship we have even if he's told me he likes me. How do you know if an entp is starting to emotionally invest in your friendship? I think it's too early to talk about where our friendship could be heading, but I'm curious to know if it's worth investing in. I am only wary given its long distance at the moment. Would you see LDR as a huge roadblock that influences your decision in investing emotionally or is distance a challenge that you'd want to overcome when you really like someone. What are the signs that you're starting to develop real feelings for somebody (like internal observations about yourself that you've noticed. I just don't know if he's considering the possibility of us coming together eventually given the distance. We're both in our mid-20s. I'm working, entp's still studying. How do you handle emotional investment in relationships with an "expiration date?"
Hi, all. I'm writing to bounce a question off of those of you who might have had a similar situation, or thought about it.
I recently started dating someone with whom I've hit it off. However, we're both well aware of the fact that her life goals include graduating med school in the next couple of years and then moving away to try to practice medicine in rural areas. She has no desire to have another long distance relationship after that, and I can't say that's something I want either (with the exception of a "comet," as I've heard it called; essentially a FWB with whom you might have had a previous romantic entanglement who comes to town, or you visit theirs, and you have a few hot, fiery days and then one of you leaves and you both go back to your normal lives). So, this relationship has a "time box" or "expiration date."
I'm wondering, if you've experienced the same thing, how do you handle your emotional investment levels? Do you just look at it as an ongoing casual dating situation because you know it will end eventually? Or do you simply allow things to run their course, and if deep, romantic feelings come up, you just ride them out until the expiration date? I haven't made a determination one way or another, and this isn't a situation that is unique to polyamory, but I think it is something worth discussion, as a number of people likely have partners whom are currently in school and it is something they might face eventually as well.
