How long till medical science invents a drug exactly between Coffee and Alcohol?

Or if I could just get a kidney dialysis machine, and plug myself into it, wouldn't I just be able to kick back relax, drink Barcardi and not worry about the whole health thing, and it would be totally OK as long as I remember to clean the filters every morning? And the hangovers would be bad either if I did that.

How much does a kidney dialysis machine cost?