Been feeling terrible

I've been on a downward spiral for about a month, I hurt my ex real bad(being distant and pushed her away) and im just coming to realize the extent of the hurt I put her through, it's been eating up for months now that she doesn't even want to hear my voice, I feel beyond sad that she can't see the new person I am, but most importantly she has so much pain in heart from my hurt and i cant live with myslef knowing i caused such pain to someone.