what hurt me the most....it actually wasn't my dads drinking. it wasn't even his death when I was 11. it wasn't even finding his body.
it wasn't even the fact that I inherited about 300,000. To stay in savings until I turned 18.
our house, was perfect to me. small blue collar place but in a decent suburb.
I am not sure, why my mom wanted to "fix" it. No, it wasn't because of his death. They were divorced, he kept the house. But, when he died she moved back in of course. Backstory: when they first bought the house it was her dream house (basic house but she fell in love with the window facing the backyard, because she knew she wanted many kids and wanted to see them play). So its not like she wanted to remodel it to remove memories. she loved that house.
But, piece by piece, it was stripped.
exposed drywall, bare, base, plywood floors.
When I was about 14, my sister was 18...and in a bad crowd... one of her ex friends threw a brick through our living room window. it was about an 8 foot across window. very big.
we put up wooden boards to cover it.
not just wooden boards.... no. huge wooden sheets went across the space that was a window, and to hold it, long wooden logs attached to the window and floor. Picture below.
are you thinking my mom spent the inheritance on a remodel?
you are wrong.
our house stayed like that for years. until I was about 19.
in reality, my mom was somehow able to access my savings and spent it all at the casino.
I didn't know that....so when I turned 18.....big surprise.
it wasn't the shock of zero dollars that got me.
it was the fact that, she didn't even spend a dime to finish our home.
even more basic than that.....she didn't even spend a dime to get us therapy.
its the fact that, she had all that money, and she didn't try to save us.
the whole time, she said we were poor. "I cant afford that". "I dont know if I can make that payment". the WHOLE time, she put financial burden on a child.
that was, my biggest betrayal. I love(d) my mom. she isn't like most moms. shes a best friend and a mom all in one. shes always known every secret and everything about me.
and Ive buried that sadness.
because.....I love her. and I cant....accept, the hurt. I cant take it in. or I would be destroyed.
there are parts I left out,
I cant even say more than that, my brain closed off that trauma before I could finish typing it.
I know I need therapy because the person I love most, hurt me the most. and I can't process that.
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Gambling addiction has caused all sorts of problems in Oklahoma where I live. It has the most Indian casinos of any state. I know a woman who’s husband (who is in his 70’s and still running a business, sold one of his two businesses & had over a million put in their savings account. She started going on trips for about 2 years and gambling but it was mostly gambling.She would gamble any chance she got. Would lie to the family saying she was going to a doctor in the next state. She’d be at the casino, I was there (and I didn’t go often) and saw her, she would act like she didn’t see me. Won some jackpots on slots which just made it worse. By the time her daughter was ready for college they barely had money for a new computer. People losing everything they have even their jobs because they were always wanting to gamble. Stealing from jobs and getting caught, the money was being gambled to try to win back money lost previously. Parents leaving their toddlers or young children in cars alone while they were inside gambling, several incidents of it including one last week when the car was carjacked with the child inside. And then there are drug addicts who hang out in some of the casinos watching the players when they win a bit of money, follow them to their cars at night and rob them.
@Punches oh yeah almost forgot about my brother-in-laws Union treasurer stealing their insurance funds to cover his gambling losses thinking he could win it back. They didn’t have money for health insurance for a period of time due to that and it was before casinos were legalized here….this guy lost the $ in Vegas
