How I failed to save a close friend from suicide

This friend had the most beautiful mind

I often thought that I was lucky to know him and I adored him. And sometimes I was burned out trying to help.

He was depressed and would often beg me to talk and I never said no for I loved him and even the way he talked about his darker feeling captivated me. He was so poetic.


But one day when I was out late and distracted I didn't look at my phone for hours. When I got home I noticed a message and clicked on it. It was long and cheerful. I was thinking" he must be having a nice day " but when I read more it got darker and when I neard the ending it was obvious that he wanted to commit suicide and I replied but nothing happened. Then I called and nothing. I was not fast enough. I should have looked at my phone. People told me it was not my fault. But I still feel like it was. And for years after I would be scared to make friends. I was worried they would kill themselves.