How I failed to save a close friend from suicide

This friend had the most beautiful mind

I often thought that I was lucky to know him and I adored him. And sometimes I was burned out trying to help.

He was depressed and would often beg me to talk and I never said no for I loved him and even the way he talked about his darker feeling captivated me. He was so poetic.

But one day when I was out late and distracted I didn't look at my phone for hours. When I got home I noticed a message and clicked on it. It was long and cheerful. I was thinking" he must be having a nice day " but when I read more it got darker and when I neard the ending it was obvious that he wanted to commit suicide and I replied but nothing happened. Then I called and nothing. I was not fast enough. I should have looked at my phone. People told me it was not my fault. But I still feel like it was. And for years after I would be scared to make friends. I was worried they would kill themselves.

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Sinful

I want to say that:

I will read your comments but I won't respond because even though I appreciate your comments and people who are saying that I should not blame myself. I personally won't be able to fully believe in your words. For if I looked at my phone. It could have been prevented. I didn't and he killed himself.

Neoerectus · M

@Sinful As hurt as he was, he did YOU harm.

I feel we all have the "right" to end ourselves, but not to inflict harm on others along the way.

He did not have the "right" to involve you.

His internal pain is gone, however you view death; however, he left you holding the bag in a form of a transference.

Reject that energy and bathe in positive energy. That was HIS decision. Not yours. We all have a choice, however a dismal choice it might feel like.

fernie2

@Sinful You could not be more mistaken. If you ignore what most of us have said to you...ALL of it rational and true....then you are embracing your guilt and won't ever let it go. You could not have prevented it if he wanted to go. Maybe you could research the subject? You don't deserve to blame yourself. THEY WILL GO NO MATTER WHAT WE SAY OR DON'T SAY!

onrealityofdreams

@Sinful I will not try to badger you. That is one of the last things you need particularly in your time of mourning.
I will instead offer thoughts of comfort.

fernie2

@Neoerectus She is mourning of course. We are trying to convince her she is faultless in her friends decision to leave. No badgering