i feel disappointed

My guess here is that you’re at that stage where you doing give a fuck enough to think things through and consequently end up listening to your impulses. You’ll always have them, it’s just a matter of learning to control yourself. Practice makes perfect supposedly. Either way, seems like you’re following eriksons steps of psychosocial development.. fidelity. You’ll figure it out, or not, then go to the next one. It’s rather jaded how life is predictable for everyone with just different situations. My best advice is to hang on, and maybe enjoy the good aspects of your idiocy, thank you.