Please Say Something?

Today I tried to kill myself by drinking a lot and taking all my medications at once and I couldn't bring myself to do it so I just got drunk.
I spend the rest of the day sleeping and recovering, my mom takes me out to eat and pretty much guilts me about how much work it would have been to get the funeral ready and take care of loans, etc.
We come home, start watching a movie with dad. I clean my room and shower and my girlfriend comes over. She sits with me and comforts me for a while, and then she starts crying because she hasn't felt like herself for a week or so now and said a lot about our relationship; she feels like she doesn't know me after 5 months of dating, wants to go on more dates, doesn't feel the same way about me as she did before, that she feels this way even though she says I've done nothing wrong.
I try so so hard to be a good boyfriend and person despite my depression. I try to cheer people up, make em laugh, give them gifts, sit at meals with them, hang with them.
I don't know what to do. I hate myself and she doesn't seem to love me anymore no matter what I say or do. She doesn't say the same things as before. She doesn't kiss me anymore. She doesn't talk to me and care for me like before. But I'm convinced that she's the one and I don't know what to do.

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SW-User Best Comment

[quote]"I don't know what to do. I hate myself and she doesn't seem to love me anymore no matter what I say or do. She doesn't say the same things as before. She doesn't kiss me anymore. She doesn't talk to me and care for me like before. But I'm convinced that she's the one and I don't know what to do."[/quote]

I felt that exact same way about my girlfriend. But couldn't muster the courage to brake it off with her.

Here's the thing man. You gotta take care of yourself. You have to learn how to cope and take care of that depression. Be honest with your chick, tell her how you're feeling. It'll make the relationship last longer because she will know it's not the relationship that's failing, its just your depression. Something you can't really change. that'll give you more time to figure things out with her.

But your priority should be dealing with the depression. Once you're out of it, things will all get better.

InvictusIndigo · 22-25, M

@SW-User What would caring for myself look like? For so long it's been caring for everyone else. And I'm so low it's hard to get myself to do anything except watch funny videos on YouTube or play videogames in my room all day or drive around only to waste gas cuz work won't give me hours.

SW-User

@InvictusIndigo I personally liked to take long 2-4 hour walks. I walked all throughout the town. I went and looked for hidden places and sometimes took photos of the places I visited. I would often do it while listening to music, and sometimes when I had money I would buy myself some Starbucks afterwards. So my advice is, get a hobby. Get really into it. Find something which benefits you emotionally, and soon you won't feel so worthless. Will you get immediate relief? Nope. But through the weeks and months you will find that it has benefitted you. It's really hard starting, but it helps so much. So find something that you can do, within your life that can be helpful emotionally.