Husband fired, and so depressed for months?

My husband has been a successful attorney for 10 years. He was a total rock for me, helping me so much in my career as well. However, we just had a baby a year ago and about 3 months after having he baby he was fired. They said it’s because he was unreliable - He wasn’t losing cases or dropping the ball, but was taking a lot of PTO to take care of our sick baby. Again, was fired, he says that’s the reason and I believe him. He says that it was because he made a high salary and the we’re looking for cheaper attorneys fresh out of school they could pay half as much. All makes sense. What doesn’t though is that now, 8 months later, he won’t even put his resume together - he’s been obviously very depressed. Every time we try to put his resume together he starts to get emotional and cry. To add to this, he sleeps a lot, and I’ve noticed over the past few months specifically a glaze has set over his eyes.. he’s stopped engaging in conversation, we’ve stopped being intimate except for the occasional thing. He never initiate conversation anymore.. to top it off, he’s been drinking a lot, has stopped helping clean the house - but does focus a lot on taking care of our baby. Recently a month ago, he told me he had 7k left of savings and yesterday he told me that he messed up and only had $500... AND now, he’s started uber driving at really odd hours.. I believe he’s uber driving.. but there are a lot of things that don’t make sense. I’ve asked so many times for him to tell me what’s going on and it all comes back to him being depressed. I asked where the money went and all he will say is “I messed up” he’s in counseling now .. and when I ask him how his sessions went he keeps making fun of the psychologist, he thinks the psychologist is a quack.. he was truly my best friend at one point And I have vowed I’ll never leave him, I do still very much love him.. but he has turned into a totally different person, when I’ve asked what’s wrong he just keeps pointing back to being depressed about being fired.. there are no other variables to it in his mind. I’ve lost my job before too, known others that have and have never seen someone with so much schooling and experience, and smarts, who is totally capabale - go for SO long, and blow all their money, and have zero drive to get back into the workforce. Lately, the lack of engagement, dissassocistion and his lack of willingness to talk has me so concerned that I’m worried either something else is going on or he’s so so depressed that he can’t see straight. Anyone had a spouse, or experienced something similar? He won’t share his feelings, wont take steps to improve himself ..where do you go from here?

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MarmeeMarch · M

Hate to be heartless - but you're not going to find any sympathy from me. A high paying salary and only 7k left doesn't add up.. If he is a lawyer he will find another job with good pay. So let him get over his depression - personally if it was me - I would not wasted money on these therapists its mostly BS and they just take your money.

SW-User

@MarmeeMarch how is he supposed to get over his depression without therapy? 🙄 and how is he supposed to get another job with good pay when he’s depressed, I think this is a lil ignorant

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

@MarmeeMarch right, no it doesn’t add up. I should add though he had 60k after having been fired 8 months ago - was paying student loans and being irresponsible, and yes blew through all of it. And here we are ! :-/ lol. Thanks for the advice good to know about the psychology thing

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

True. Yes, I know he needs counseling of some sort - @SW-User

MarmeeMarch · M

@SW-User I said If it was me OK ? - because I find and have found that when I was down the only thing that helps is good old father time.

MarmeeMarch · M

@Brassm0nk3y I dont mean to rag on your situation - but you husband is not some ditch digger - a lawyer is a very lucrative profession.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

@MarmeeMarch Definitely, I also have a hard time having sympathy. At the same time though I’ve come to learn that it isn’t as lucrative as one might think, he used to make 90k, but 30% went to taxes, and he was paying 2000k a month in student loans. At the end of the day I made more money than him in my entry-ish level job. He thinks of himself no higher than a day laborer he likes to say , willing to do manual labor etc .. it’s how he was raised - super poor, blue collar- which has all made me love him more.. but none the less that’s the situation. Thanks again for all of your advice in really needed it

SW-User

@MarmeeMarch Ok.. I just don’t think having a good profession like a lawyer has anything to do with having depression.. and I personally think therapy is life changing but I guess that’s just where we differ

MarmeeMarch · M

@SW-User That's fine - some ppl feel that they need it - some don't. but my main point is that these sessions can really cost depending on how much they want to treat you at any given time span -(if you know what I mean). I have known people that are on therapy for over 10 years at about 300 per week every week and all it does is help them sort things out - a loving companion might be able to do the same. Don't get me wrong if there is a true physiological / medical condition then yes that needs to be addressed by an MD - Psychiatry. My issue is with these people without a medical degree that sit and listen to your problems nodding and agreeing with you while looking at their watch.