Do you slap your own ass to remind yourself you got bills to pay?

@LesserUgly That's a violation of cat labor laws.

@MarkPaul It shouldn't have been standing there with all the mail on the ground. I give it one task, one simple task. Good fucking God...

@MarkPaul Now I'm infinitely in debt. Fuck you Stitches. Now you know how you earned your fucking name.

@LesserUgly Cats are not supposed to deliver the mail, the pigeons are.

@LesserUgly Well, maybe it was just a bad day that day. And, with all your screaming over everything and you thinking a string tied to the end of a hanger counts a new cat toy... well, let's just say... mistakes happen.

@MarkPaul well no matter. I dropped the cat off in the national park covered in pig's blood and drove away. Not long before the coyotes are fighting over which one gets yo eat him. Look I warned him several times already. This was the last straw.

@LesserUgly 😥 But Stitches loved you and gave you the best years of its life.

@MarkPaul That fucking idiot put me into more than $10k in debt, plus kept vomiting up mice inside the house. Should have hung him like the Iraqis hung Saddam.

@LesserUgly 😼Oh, really...?

@LesserUgly Umm, the Iraqis did not hang Saddam. But I know this is all in fun.

@MarkPaul plus he was a snitch. Ratted me out to the IRS for embezzlement. And you know what they say, "Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches like bitches."

@LesserUgly Well, can we get a new pet then?

@MarkPaul maybe a squirrel, I saw one in a Disney cartoon once that was fairly well behaved.

@LesserUgly But, I don't want a squirrel. I want Stitches.

@MarkPaul plus we could always shoot it with a pelletgun and toss it at a car driven by someone we hate breaking their windshield. Two birds, one squirrel.

@LesserUgly Hmmmm. I didn't think of that.

@MarkPaul Stiches has been eaten by coyotes .

@MarkPaul You've got to think ahead.

@LesserUgly Well, a new Stitches, I mean.

@LesserUgly I have so much still to learn...

@MarkPaul well if we kill the squirrel and have it taxidermied we can always name it Stiches...

@LesserUgly But, we are going to drop it on someone's windshield. So... we will then be Stitchless again. What about a turtle?

@MarkPaul Nah, turtles cant deliver bills. Besides if it falls down the steps we would have to boil it up and make food. That seems unfair.

@LesserUgly Okay, then a dog. I'll take care of it. You won't have to remind me to walk it. And, I will train it to deliver the bills.

@MarkPaul also squrriels have long tails. Ever hear of mechanical advantage? Stuff a rock in it's mouth and swing that thing like a sling.