How can I improve my autocorrect?

Ducking Hell. If I wanted it singular, I'd not have put an 's' on it. Three ducking times, after you deleted the first two.

And holy duck: it is never I.e. ...

And, I'm not [u]ar[/u] the pub, I'm [u]at[/u] it. (Is that a Scottish expression? Is my autocorrect Scottish? Or is it stuck in international talk like a pirate mode?)

And, duck me ... why does it assume I'm so Anatidaen-obsessed?