Confronted mom about being too busy for granddaughter and it ya it didn’t go well

I told my parents they are behind the 8 ball on spending time with their 7 months old granddaughter. I let them know that my husbands parents (and his sister) have started to offer a lot of help and it disappoints me that they haven’t offered once to help..

Truth is, they always expect us to go over there (I wrote about this last week), and on top of that they are constantly on vacation, from Hawaii one month to India to Australia, Europe the next.)

We are desperate for some help. I work 60 hours a week, my husband just lost his job so I’m supporting us right now.. my husband and I aren’t getting any time together - we are stressed to the max..so yes, I said to them that we need them to offer some help and come over.. my mom said that wasn’t going to happen.
She wants us to drive an hour each way to them.. lug a cranky baby and all her stuff.on a work night spend hours there and get back super late (they don’t work).

So I said, in this conversation, that they need to start coming to our house at least sometimes..They were SO offended. I did say a couple of other jabs like they remind me of my grandparents (who were never there, only when it was convenient for them), and that all their friends visit their children’s/grand kids houses/ Would do anything for them..
It was ALOT for them to take in apparently, because they came back at me with you are mean, selfish and rude.. how could you be so horrible to us, you bully, your making poor decisions.. just on and on about how awful I was, I created the situation with my husband not having a job (?)

.. am I seeing this all wrong ? Or am I right to want them to offer to come to our house to help with the baby every now and then? And also to offer to spend more time with Logan, spend the night here etc.. If I could chose I would much rather my parents spend more time with my kids than his parents..they (in laws) are totally winning at this grandparent thing, and it hits me a little bit knowing that. My mom was even like “why on earth do you even need help?” You have one baby and your husband isn’t working.. like clearly not getting it. Help. :-l

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Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

Just out of curiosity, why does this matter now? Your husband is not working, he has nothing better to do than be a parent. I don’t think it’s necessary for them to offer help at this time. We all have struggled and sacrificed at some point or another. It’s normal and we survived.

Sweet517 · 51-55, F

@Keepitsimple she’s got a 7 month old and wants some quality time with her husband. Her in laws are stepping up. Her own parents are not. That would hurt many people’s feelings.

Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

I guess I can’t relate. I had 3 kids in under 4 years. It wasn’t our parents responsibility to offer help. We took it if it was offered or paid a babysitter. @Sweet517

Sweet517 · 51-55, F

@Keepitsimple Idk if it’s an issue of responsibility. It’s just hurtful that her parents don’t offer. As I’ve said elsewhere in this thread my mom and in laws were frequent flyers when my kids were small.

Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

@Sweet517 It’s hurtful she expects her parents to take the baby when the husband is home. If they want the night out maybe they should bring the baby there and adjust the place of quality time. When do parents get to live their lives without guilt? They worked and raised their family. They must still be young and are retired and now living their dream when their kids grew up. If the inlaws want to do because that’s their lifestyle then it sounds like that’s the direction they need to look in and be happy with that at least. I hope the quality time doesn’t lead to a second baby at this time.

Sweet517 · 51-55, F

@Keepitsimple I guess every family is different. The only time my husband and I took our kids to their grandparents and left them there was when we were going out of town.

Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

@Sweet517 True for me also. You know, people are different. My mother was not good with babies. Once they were about 5 or so she was fantastic and was my copilot for every game, competition and race they have ever had. Did all kinds of things with them. I’ll never complain.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

Yeah this is exactly my point. In laws are way stepping it up. And my parents haven’t ever offered once. I don’t expect my parents to often. Even just once every couple of months on their schedule. Just pains me that they don’t WANT to see them/come over more often. Some granoarents live for that stuff..Seeing this thread though I guess everyone really does see it differently . All based on what you know I guess@Sweet517

Sweet517 · 51-55, F

@Keepitsimple oh my my mom and I’m laws were great with babies. My point was they cane to us if my husband and I needed a night out They wanted to see the kids and spare us the expense of babysitting.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

We wish we had that aw[. Thanks for yalls comments@sweet517]

Sweet517 · 51-55, F

@Brassm0nk3y HUGS

Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

Good luck with everything.one other suggestion as far as the distance, is it possible for you to move closer? I know I moved 45 minutes away. Although not an epic drive it’s a pain. My daughter is only 10 minutes away. @Brassm0nk3y

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

I just wish they wanted to be there like my in laws. It’s a shame they don’t .. and are so bothered that I would ask for help@Keepitsimple

Keepitsimple · 56-60, F

@Brassm0nk3y sometimes it’s not what you say but how you say it. Maybe use reverse psychology and have coffee with your mom and tell her you want your kids to be close to them and ask for them. I don’t know the answer. I do know that when my daughter told me not to go back to work so when they have kids I can babysit I almost choked. I don’t want that fulltime commitment. I know it’s a different scenario with your situation. Hang in there. It will change.