I tripped over a hot dog because a clown stole my taco... I luv this

I tripped over Trojan Man because my boobs are amazing

I licked an Easter egg because my cat is an asshole🐱

I wanted my professor because of these sweet abs.

I licked Cookie Monster because I'm sexy as fuck. Which is only partially true.

Well...luckily this thing is pure fantasy...🤤

I licked Trojan man because I love bacon 😩

I beat my best friend because the voices in my head said so.

I tripped over a bowl of cereal because I needed to pee... actually this isn't too far from the truth. lmao

I tripped over a hot dog because I had one too many drinks. 🙄

I wrestled an easter egg because a clown stole my taco 😰

I wrestled a mop because I’m sexy as fuck.. LOL

I made out with Channing Tatum because a clone stole my taco and the voices in my head said so

I tickled Aristotle because my boobs are amazing. 😊 😄

I licked a glass of vodka because I love bacon!

I tripped over a stripper bc im awesome in bed. (True) lol

Lmao

I beat a mop because I'm sexy as fuck

I licked a bowl of French fries because my boobs are AMAZING😂

I licked a golfball because my boobs are amazing!

omg. i tripped over a stripper because i am sexy as f***. funny

I shot a Kardashian because I’m sexy as fuck!

I made out with a bowl of cereal because I'm awesome in bed. Ok!

I got naked with the Trojan man because of these sweet abs.

I made out with a teletuby because I needed to pee. Btw perfectillusion... your a tease!

I cuddled with a bowl of cereal because my cat is an asshole?
I hardly ever wear green, almost always blacks. I dont have a cat but have to agree they are assholes

I beat, Burt Reynolds because I'm sexy as fuck.

Lol i got naked with a porn star because I love bacon

I fucked my best friend because a clown stole my taco.. 🤣

I cuddled with Burt Reynolds because the voices in my head said so

I fucked some mayonnaise because I’m sexy as fuck.

I wanted a lunatic because I'm sexy as fuck. Lo! Nostradamus speaks!

I shot a Kardashian because the voices in my head said so!

And it was the right thing to do!

You guys owe me!

I beat a stripper because I'm sexy as fuck. Violent AND sassy, I like this.

I licked a lunatic because I'm sexy as fuck

I ate a porn star because the voices in my little head said so

I cuddled with the toilet because a clown stole my taco!

I ate a landmine because of these sweet abs

I licked a purple Easter egg because I needed to pee😄

I fucked a Kardashian because my (invisible) cat is an asshole

Deep 🤔

I cuddled with a landmine because my boobs are amazing.

I wanted a cocktail because i’m sexy as fuck