I hate being a father and being unable to do anything about it
(TW, 🍇, self harm)
About 2 years ago when I was 14, I was 🍇ed by a (presumably older) girl. Now it's a long story so read at your own expense
So as I said, it happened about 2 years ago (3 years this December). Idk how to really say any of this so if its messy/hard to read, my apologies. It just started bugging me again and I needed to get it out.
So, 2 years ago in December, it was nearing Christmas time and all that junk. And fun fact, my birthday is in December so I recently just turned 14 during the events I'm about to mention.
So, every December here where I live, my town is a small town (less then 500 people) so we can afford to do community events for Christmas, said events being a commin Christmas dinner, a potluck separately for the children, youth, adults and elders, even nightly dances with prizes and stuff. Overall, really festive.
So... what happened 2 years that led to me being 🍇ed? Well, one of my few cousins (who I will refer to as "C") I talked to (at the time) brought a friend from out of town. I didn't know who this friend (who I will refer to as "F") was nor did I care as I'm overall, not a social person irl... but apparently, F DID care who I was and it quickly came apparent that they WERE a social person.
So, during the youth potluck/dinner, I spent it mostly eating alone, but at some point, C and F came over as F was apparently watching me all throughout the potluck/dinner.. and C noticed and wanted to introduce her to me.
So.. another thing to know is that my mom is dead, meaning me and my older sister do lots of the preparation for Christmas (as at the time, my dad's health issues kept him from being very active at home), so by the time the dinner/potluck came around, I was very tired and drained.
Now i wanted to stay home from the dinner/potluck to sleep... but my dad sent me so I didn't look so "sad and depressed" because CPS (Child Protective Services) were starting to snoop around again, my dad being a former CPS worker knowing they'll be looking for any kid who looks sad/bummed out/depressed so they can get a bs reason to snoopp around homes.
So anyways, back to the potluck/dinner, C basically left F with me, leaving F to say whatever she wanted behind C's back.. and to make an already long story short, F started harassing me, saying things I can barely remember as previously mentioned, being very tired... but not tired enough for my social anxiety to to stay away.
After a good few minutes of harassing me, F started trying to pull me off to somewhere, slowly starting to make scene that kicked up my social anxiety and reluctantly, I letted F drag me off to a back room... and need I say anything more of what happened in there?
After F finished her business with me, she got up, got dressed, and left, leaving me there, on the floor, alone. I can barely remember what happened after that, just knowing after a bit, I got up, got dressed, and went home.
The next day, I started wearing my longed sleeved shirts as I noticed multiple still lingering scratches and bite marks.. which my family didn't question nor notice as it was both winter, and I already constantly wore long sleeved shirts.
Needless to say, after being 🍇ed, my depression got worse and my mental health dwindled. I remember crying late at night, feeling used and more broken then I already was, I remember listening to the song I'm listening to right now while trying to keep quiet to avoid waking anyone up or being heard crying, even starting to get the habit of cutting myself.
Now, back to the title, about me being a father. Now... I have found F on Instagram back in February of this year, sometime around there. And wanna guess what I see in a picture of her? Her holding a BABY that looked scarily alot like me as a baby.
Now, I didn't immediately jump to conclusions, I checked her profile and through her post, seeing that she posts every few weeks/twice a month and tracking back her earliest post with the baby, the earliest post she had with the baby was in laye August of last year. And doing some more back tracking, she posted a picture announcing her pregnancy 2 months after she 🍇ed me, claiming it to be from a fling and that she's keeping it.
Okay, now about the other part of the title, about me being unable to do anything about it... F lives in Sweden now (which is really, really far from where I live), have she still lived here in the country I do, I MAY have tried something, anything... but after 2 years, F definitely could have gotten a story together incase I ever do try anything.
Her parents are doing better off then my dad financially wise, hell F is doing better then my dad so they definitely could get a way better lawyer then my dad or I could ever get. So now, I'm just trying to live my life, and hoping F jusr stays there in Sweden with hers
So to sum things up, I was 🍇ed when I was 14, resulting in the girl who 🍇ed me to get pregnant, as she also moved away to Sweden while I'm here, far away. I just hope the kid lives a good life.
Anyways, writing this really took it out of me so I'm gonna go pass out now
About 2 years ago when I was 14, I was 🍇ed by a (presumably older) girl. Now it's a long story so read at your own expense
So as I said, it happened about 2 years ago (3 years this December). Idk how to really say any of this so if its messy/hard to read, my apologies. It just started bugging me again and I needed to get it out.
So, 2 years ago in December, it was nearing Christmas time and all that junk. And fun fact, my birthday is in December so I recently just turned 14 during the events I'm about to mention.
So, every December here where I live, my town is a small town (less then 500 people) so we can afford to do community events for Christmas, said events being a commin Christmas dinner, a potluck separately for the children, youth, adults and elders, even nightly dances with prizes and stuff. Overall, really festive.
So... what happened 2 years that led to me being 🍇ed? Well, one of my few cousins (who I will refer to as "C") I talked to (at the time) brought a friend from out of town. I didn't know who this friend (who I will refer to as "F") was nor did I care as I'm overall, not a social person irl... but apparently, F DID care who I was and it quickly came apparent that they WERE a social person.
So, during the youth potluck/dinner, I spent it mostly eating alone, but at some point, C and F came over as F was apparently watching me all throughout the potluck/dinner.. and C noticed and wanted to introduce her to me.
So.. another thing to know is that my mom is dead, meaning me and my older sister do lots of the preparation for Christmas (as at the time, my dad's health issues kept him from being very active at home), so by the time the dinner/potluck came around, I was very tired and drained.
Now i wanted to stay home from the dinner/potluck to sleep... but my dad sent me so I didn't look so "sad and depressed" because CPS (Child Protective Services) were starting to snoop around again, my dad being a former CPS worker knowing they'll be looking for any kid who looks sad/bummed out/depressed so they can get a bs reason to snoopp around homes.
So anyways, back to the potluck/dinner, C basically left F with me, leaving F to say whatever she wanted behind C's back.. and to make an already long story short, F started harassing me, saying things I can barely remember as previously mentioned, being very tired... but not tired enough for my social anxiety to to stay away.
After a good few minutes of harassing me, F started trying to pull me off to somewhere, slowly starting to make scene that kicked up my social anxiety and reluctantly, I letted F drag me off to a back room... and need I say anything more of what happened in there?
After F finished her business with me, she got up, got dressed, and left, leaving me there, on the floor, alone. I can barely remember what happened after that, just knowing after a bit, I got up, got dressed, and went home.
The next day, I started wearing my longed sleeved shirts as I noticed multiple still lingering scratches and bite marks.. which my family didn't question nor notice as it was both winter, and I already constantly wore long sleeved shirts.
Needless to say, after being 🍇ed, my depression got worse and my mental health dwindled. I remember crying late at night, feeling used and more broken then I already was, I remember listening to the song I'm listening to right now while trying to keep quiet to avoid waking anyone up or being heard crying, even starting to get the habit of cutting myself.
Now, back to the title, about me being a father. Now... I have found F on Instagram back in February of this year, sometime around there. And wanna guess what I see in a picture of her? Her holding a BABY that looked scarily alot like me as a baby.
Now, I didn't immediately jump to conclusions, I checked her profile and through her post, seeing that she posts every few weeks/twice a month and tracking back her earliest post with the baby, the earliest post she had with the baby was in laye August of last year. And doing some more back tracking, she posted a picture announcing her pregnancy 2 months after she 🍇ed me, claiming it to be from a fling and that she's keeping it.
Okay, now about the other part of the title, about me being unable to do anything about it... F lives in Sweden now (which is really, really far from where I live), have she still lived here in the country I do, I MAY have tried something, anything... but after 2 years, F definitely could have gotten a story together incase I ever do try anything.
Her parents are doing better off then my dad financially wise, hell F is doing better then my dad so they definitely could get a way better lawyer then my dad or I could ever get. So now, I'm just trying to live my life, and hoping F jusr stays there in Sweden with hers
So to sum things up, I was 🍇ed when I was 14, resulting in the girl who 🍇ed me to get pregnant, as she also moved away to Sweden while I'm here, far away. I just hope the kid lives a good life.
Anyways, writing this really took it out of me so I'm gonna go pass out now
