The triggers are triggering today
Gonna write down a few of the things that popped into my head the last few days cause I can’t get it off my mind 🥹
The second guy that raped me said “you can’t go to sleep while I’m this hard” before he raped me.
Then after he asked me for a cigarette and said that It wasn’t rape, when I pointed out that I said no, begged him to stop and literally kicked him off the bed he said “oh, well maybe I should’ve stopped. Do you want water?”..
No, I wanted you to fucking STOP! 😩
A few days later he texted me to ask why I unfriended him, I responded, he said he didn’t remember, then tried to add me back as a friend. I blocked him.
A year or so later he followed me on insta. I blocked him.
Now I have the opportunity to move into a new apartment and one of the things that’s stopping me is that he lives in that area. Every time I go there I’m triggered.
My ex stepdad came into my room one night yelling at me, I yelled back (don’t remember what it was about) then he said he would rape me, I ran to my mom, asking her to wake up, he stood in the doorway looking at me, then told me that she don’t care, she won’t help me. She woke up and he said I was lying, I ran to my room and locked my door.
The first guy that raped me told me he wouldn’t hurt me, right before he raped me.
I could go on, cause my mind is a mess.
I hate people, I hate myself 🙃
The second guy that raped me said “you can’t go to sleep while I’m this hard” before he raped me.
Then after he asked me for a cigarette and said that It wasn’t rape, when I pointed out that I said no, begged him to stop and literally kicked him off the bed he said “oh, well maybe I should’ve stopped. Do you want water?”..
No, I wanted you to fucking STOP! 😩
A few days later he texted me to ask why I unfriended him, I responded, he said he didn’t remember, then tried to add me back as a friend. I blocked him.
A year or so later he followed me on insta. I blocked him.
Now I have the opportunity to move into a new apartment and one of the things that’s stopping me is that he lives in that area. Every time I go there I’m triggered.
My ex stepdad came into my room one night yelling at me, I yelled back (don’t remember what it was about) then he said he would rape me, I ran to my mom, asking her to wake up, he stood in the doorway looking at me, then told me that she don’t care, she won’t help me. She woke up and he said I was lying, I ran to my room and locked my door.
The first guy that raped me told me he wouldn’t hurt me, right before he raped me.
I could go on, cause my mind is a mess.
I hate people, I hate myself 🙃
