I had a really bizarre relationship with my babysitter [I Was Molested By My Babysitter]

Like I said in my last post, she was really good to me whenever she wasn’t molesting me. That might sound strange - and it is - but it’s true. We were close, even. Sometimes when she would watch over me, everything would be perfectly normal. Some days she wouldn’t molest me at all and it was just like nothing like that ever happened.

I would be enjoying her company, but then she would make her advances, I call them, and I would just freeze up. I always knew when she was about to molest me when she would start touching me in a certain way. It almost always started with her making these advances on me. I would become stiff, almost catatonic, not saying a word while she would have her way with me.

She too was often quiet while doing so. It got to where it became a wordless interaction. Once she started, we both became quiet until it was over. Even after it would pass, I don’t remember us ever really talking about it. I would suppress the trauma of what just happened and things would usually just go back to normal like nothing happened.

It’s very surreal, now that I reflect on it. It was like we both became completely different people when the molestation would happen. I would be a cheery little girl, her the sweet and caring sister figure, and then I would suddenly become the stiff object she used me as and she just became the deviant she truly was.

This confused me for years. I always wondered how could she have been such a terrible person when she would be so good to me. But that was all just her grooming me by making me feel comfortable with her so she could do it again and again. I have to admit, she was very clever. She knew exactly what she was doing and that helped her get away with it.

I dread to think she didn’t just learn all of that through molesting me and had done it to other children. With that, I can only give her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn’t. For my sake.