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I had a really bizarre relationship with my babysitter [I Was Molested By My Babysitter]

Like I said in my last post, she was really good to me whenever she wasn’t molesting me. That might sound strange - and it is - but it’s true. We were close, even. Sometimes when she would watch over me, everything would be perfectly normal. Some days she wouldn’t molest me at all and it was just like nothing like that ever happened.

I would be enjoying her company, but then she would make her advances, I call them, and I would just freeze up. I always knew when she was about to molest me when she would start touching me in a certain way. It almost always started with her making these advances on me. I would become stiff, almost catatonic, not saying a word while she would have her way with me.

She too was often quiet while doing so. It got to where it became a wordless interaction. Once she started, we both became quiet until it was over. Even after it would pass, I don’t remember us ever really talking about it. I would suppress the trauma of what just happened and things would usually just go back to normal like nothing happened.

It’s very surreal, now that I reflect on it. It was like we both became completely different people when the molestation would happen. I would be a cheery little girl, her the sweet and caring sister figure, and then I would suddenly become the stiff object she used me as and she just became the deviant she truly was.

This confused me for years. I always wondered how could she have been such a terrible person when she would be so good to me. But that was all just her grooming me by making me feel comfortable with her so she could do it again and again. I have to admit, she was very clever. She knew exactly what she was doing and that helped her get away with it.

I dread to think she didn’t just learn all of that through molesting me and had done it to other children. With that, I can only give her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn’t. For my sake.
DrWatson · 70-79, M
I am very sorry this happened to you.

And what you say at the beginning is not strange. It is often the case, when someone has been molested by someone close to them, like a family member, or in your case a baby sitter, that the victim has a "split" memory of the abuser, because the abuser herself (or himself) displays a split personality. It is almost as if there were two of them: he "good" version and the abusive version.

Victims of abuse who I know say that this is part of what makes healing so complicated. They can remember the positive aspects of the relationship fondly at the same time that they cringe at the memories of the abuse.

You are not alone in dealing with that confusion. I just hope that you can continue to make progress in your recovery from this.
<3 i hope she went to jail
@TryingtoLava She didn’t. At least not that I know of. If only
PepsiColaP · F
I'm so sorry this happened to you. More often than not molesters can present themselves as these harmless ,caring people and I cant imagine the pain of the realisation that this is only a facade. I hope you can overcome the trauma and lead the happy and healthy life you deserve.
How really sad it happened to you ... 😣 And terrible that they chose to work with kids, knowing they're sick people.
If she did it with you it's likely she repeated that behavior 😔
JoePourMan · 61-69, M
Such a sad story. Your disconnected was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it helped you get through the trauma, a curse because it stopped you from reporting it.
DaddyThomas · 46-50, M
You could still report her to the police , even years later
DaddyThomas · 46-50, M
@PerchingDove it doesn’t matter where she lives. As long as you know her name you can tell what happened then
@DaddyThomas I already know nothing will come of it. Even if I may vent about it once in a while, I’ve moved on and can only hope she hasn’t done it to anyone else.
DaddyThomas · 46-50, M
@PerchingDove that’s a great attitude!
texasborn89 · 31-35, M
Wow I'm sorry that happened to you
@texasborn89 No. By the time I did speak up about years later, it was too late. She got away with it.
Spica · 31-35, F
You are a brave lady
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
I doubt she knew exactly what she was doing. People don't tend to be that smart, especially people who do shit like this. She probably did everything on an impulse and just got lucky that you were the kind of person who wouldn't tell on her.

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