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Vulnerable post ive never shared with anyone. potential trigger warning for child molestation.

I just want to see what other peoples thoughts are on these childhood memories and please do not private me with some kink stuff. I dont want this to get sexual posts about this.

So I have no memory of my father ever doing anything sexual to me but I have a few weird memories that ive never shared with anyone and just want someone else's input. I remember once when I was around 6 or so getting undressed infront of my father and he was like just staring at my privates and I noticed it was to a point that it was weird and I remember that being the last time i undressed infront of him. There was another time we were at the beach and he made a comment about "Oh im just looking at the pretty girls" I said dad...they look like theyre like 13! he said oh yea youre probably right and i just kind of ignored it after that. I also remember when I was like probably 12 or 13 and we were in a camper he would cuddle with me like too much when I was trying to sleep you know. Then when i was 16 my brother dad and I were talking about going on a camping trip and we were talking about sleeping arrangements. My dad said Oh, I can sleep with her because I might not realize shes me daughter and try something. I said dad eww shutup. I wouldnt have even wanted to sleep in the same bed with him anyway. Once when I was like 17 I woke up to him like petting my head and i woke up screaming at him to get out of the room. These are all very inappropriate but he never did anything like actually touch my privates or molest me. However, I have noticed that there are a few behaviors women have when they grow up being molested that i can relate to.
Idk I dont talk about this because its embarrassing and in real life I can be a bit of a perfectionist but I just want to know what others thoughts on this are... Is this something im making a bigger deal in my head?
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Honestly ?
Really honestly?
....id keep forgetting it.

I have 'half memories' and a very wierd time period in my life where suddenly family rules were made that kept me physically from my dad.
No more cuddling
No more hugs
No more kisses goodnight.
- it all abruptly ended.

...i never knew why.
I felt rejected.

I went to therapy over a decade later for something else.... I got regressive therapy that ended up traumatising me.
Stuff i wish id never remembered.

I wish i had never had that therapy - it fucked me over.


The brain forgets for a reason - its a protective mechanism.


Forget

Leave it alone.


....or forever wish you had never opened that pandoras box.
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@OogieBoogie Yes, honestly if something more ever did happen id never want to know.
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@OogieBoogie sorry for your experience.
@Jstbanannas1991 please dont be sorry, you have no need to be🤗

Im trying to explain why some things are just best laid to rest in forgotten parts of our mind.

Ive talked with other people who have gone thru regressive therapy for similar things ...and it did more damamge than 'not knowing'.
Some are still in therapy 20 years later .
It destroyed their family
Estranged both their parents
Made them paranoid about their own partners ....

"Energy flows where attention goes"
Where do you want your energy to be?

On the past ....or on your future🤷‍♀
Jstbanannas1991 · 31-35, F
@OogieBoogie def prefer my energy in the future:) thanks