The first domino

I can’t say for sure but I feel like when I was really young, like in preschool. I came home and told my parents how I liked this girl named grace, I was really excited about it but they laughed at me. I can see how I could have taken it the wrong way but they never came back around and helped me feel better so I stopped telling them things. That’s when I began censoring myself. Ugh. I don’t want this running in the background of my emotions but I fear that it is and I’d like to understand how I can heal from it. I don’t think that it caused everything but I do think that it caused an issue then I changed how I expressed myself little by little and found relief in not sharing stuff that could end up hurting me and that’s why I default to abandoning myself.