visiting people i don’t want to see

I hate having to go to there house i try to not think about everything that happened there i try to be positive to move on like they have.
It’s a lot easier to move on when you’re not the one hurt I guess
I don’t like it how they smile and hug me like they haven’t done anything wrong it hurts to be around them it makes me feel small

I don’t know how to be anything other than what i am now but I’m also so desperate to feel that i have grown out of the scared child i was
But every Saturday my mother asks me if I’ll join her to visit and still I can’t say no
And still they are taller
And still they scare me
I am not a scared little kid why am I acting like one there not that bad anymore