When will it feel normal again?
On Christmas day last year (2022) I was mugged at knife point.. Luckily some kind people stopped and helped me. Unfortunately the people had already taken my bag, it only contained my purse which had nothing in it except my ID and bank card. I had my phone in my pocket. So I could stop my card.
My moms car had broken down and I was on my way to help her, I bought oil and water. As I was walking a man ran up behind me and pushed me to the ground and started thrashing a knife at me. Luckily he didn't stab me (I think he was just trying to cut the bag off of me) I screamed so loud I didn't even know I could scream that loud. I don't even remember the event that much at this point. All I know is I gave my bag up to stop it all.
So these kind people stopped and drove me to my mom, she wasn't even that far. As soon as I got out of the car I told her what happened, she was so happy to see me as we don't live together and hardly see each other. My mom later told me my lips where blue. I was in such shock I could hardly breathe. But once I told her what happened she made it all about herself, she burst into tears and everyone started comforting her. She told everyone what had happened to me in the following days, I didn't want people to know. My arm was so sore I had to get meds at the pharmacy. She ended up telling the pharmacist and cashier I was so embarrassed. I couldn't even fully tell her what happened or process what had happened without her crying or making it about herself. I don't think she is doing it intentionally but it really hurt me. Because I was mugged at knife point not her. I experienced it not her.
I don't have many friends, my best friend from primary school lives in another county and I've moved around my whole life so I don't have many friends and find it difficult to build relationships with people.
When I finally got home, I stayed with my mom for a few days but just needed my space. I stayed indoors for a week. I finally left my house because I needed to get groceries etc. And it was the most difficult thing I've had to do in a while. I was so anxious to leave I was shaking. While I was shopping I couldn't even focus on what I was doing because I was so terrified someone would come up behind me and grab me. I couldn't even take a full breath or breath properly. Once I left the shop I met up with my boyfriend and we were walking, when someone came up to us to ask for money. I was so scared I've never experienced this in my entire life. I'm normally so used to it but that man just coming up to us terrified me so badly I just walked closer to my boyfriend.
I don't have the money to go and talk to a therapist. But it just feels like no one can comprehend what I am going through and I always feel so bad about talking about what I went through to the few friends I have as I feel like I'm making it about myself. But all I want to do it process what happened and feel normal again. I just want to cry all the time and I've even just though of ending it all. Packing up my stiff so no one has to deal with packing up my life. But I just can't do that to the people I love, it wouldn't be fair on them.
Anyway it's been very helpful to write this all down I just hope that soon enough I'll feel comfortable in public again, to go about my life as normal.
My moms car had broken down and I was on my way to help her, I bought oil and water. As I was walking a man ran up behind me and pushed me to the ground and started thrashing a knife at me. Luckily he didn't stab me (I think he was just trying to cut the bag off of me) I screamed so loud I didn't even know I could scream that loud. I don't even remember the event that much at this point. All I know is I gave my bag up to stop it all.
So these kind people stopped and drove me to my mom, she wasn't even that far. As soon as I got out of the car I told her what happened, she was so happy to see me as we don't live together and hardly see each other. My mom later told me my lips where blue. I was in such shock I could hardly breathe. But once I told her what happened she made it all about herself, she burst into tears and everyone started comforting her. She told everyone what had happened to me in the following days, I didn't want people to know. My arm was so sore I had to get meds at the pharmacy. She ended up telling the pharmacist and cashier I was so embarrassed. I couldn't even fully tell her what happened or process what had happened without her crying or making it about herself. I don't think she is doing it intentionally but it really hurt me. Because I was mugged at knife point not her. I experienced it not her.
I don't have many friends, my best friend from primary school lives in another county and I've moved around my whole life so I don't have many friends and find it difficult to build relationships with people.
When I finally got home, I stayed with my mom for a few days but just needed my space. I stayed indoors for a week. I finally left my house because I needed to get groceries etc. And it was the most difficult thing I've had to do in a while. I was so anxious to leave I was shaking. While I was shopping I couldn't even focus on what I was doing because I was so terrified someone would come up behind me and grab me. I couldn't even take a full breath or breath properly. Once I left the shop I met up with my boyfriend and we were walking, when someone came up to us to ask for money. I was so scared I've never experienced this in my entire life. I'm normally so used to it but that man just coming up to us terrified me so badly I just walked closer to my boyfriend.
I don't have the money to go and talk to a therapist. But it just feels like no one can comprehend what I am going through and I always feel so bad about talking about what I went through to the few friends I have as I feel like I'm making it about myself. But all I want to do it process what happened and feel normal again. I just want to cry all the time and I've even just though of ending it all. Packing up my stiff so no one has to deal with packing up my life. But I just can't do that to the people I love, it wouldn't be fair on them.
Anyway it's been very helpful to write this all down I just hope that soon enough I'll feel comfortable in public again, to go about my life as normal.
