Trauma after birth is normal
I had zero assistance. Even though it was in a second trimester which is not considered stillbirth, it's what I call it.
I just feel numb.I always feel numb. When I think about it sometimes my mind just goes blank. Shut down. Gone.
I could have had someone be with me.
Yet I wanted to be alone even though I was scared.
I liked the idea of crawling into bed with towels underneath me because it was better to me than a hospital. Yet at the same time it felt dehumanizing.
I wasn't in a hospital. I didn't have someone bring me food in bed after. No.
I bled out all over my bed in pain with no one but myself.
I didn't get to rest. I had to get up and bury at 12am because I was afraid to look at them or hold onto them longer because it was all terrible to deal with.
It felt like someone was tearing my insides.
I sweat through the sheets. I didn't even get to stay in bed. Yet I wanted to. Some days I still want to lay in bed.
And I think that's okay.
I just feel numb.I always feel numb. When I think about it sometimes my mind just goes blank. Shut down. Gone.
I could have had someone be with me.
Yet I wanted to be alone even though I was scared.
I liked the idea of crawling into bed with towels underneath me because it was better to me than a hospital. Yet at the same time it felt dehumanizing.
I wasn't in a hospital. I didn't have someone bring me food in bed after. No.
I bled out all over my bed in pain with no one but myself.
I didn't get to rest. I had to get up and bury at 12am because I was afraid to look at them or hold onto them longer because it was all terrible to deal with.
It felt like someone was tearing my insides.
I sweat through the sheets. I didn't even get to stay in bed. Yet I wanted to. Some days I still want to lay in bed.
And I think that's okay.
