I’m fatherless for a good reason (spilling out all my trauma and mental issues)
Tw: yelling, divorce, parents fighting, panic attacks, trauma (ofc), effects of trauma
Please continue reading if you are comfortable with what I am about to say!
It’s a mess btw!
A couple of years before covid started my father struggled finding a job, paying attention to me, and other things like that. Whenever my mother would leave the house my dad would yell at me for various reasons. One time it was for dropping a plastic cup! And being ever so innocent back then I thought, “Oh this is completely normal!” I also argued with my father that at the dinner table people don’t have a specific spot at the table (yes I am serious)… back then and still today I have trouble speaking out about what people are doing wrong and how it angers me stuff like that. Another time I argued with my father and my mother came into the house and just watched me yell at my dad while over something I couldn’t deal with anymore. Ever since that day my parents argued and fought and I would be right there listening to them fighting my mom many times threatened my dad that she will kick him out of the house, divorce, and other things like that. One time my mom took off her wedding ring and my dad storm out of the house… (don’t worry guys he came back!) fast forward 4 months I’m on summer break and my parents sit me down saying that they are separating and need some space from each other. I almost cried right in front of them ( I didn’t want to show them that I was sad about this and that I understood why that was happening I didn’t 😀) fast forward a WEEK after my birthday… I moved out of a house and my dad said goodbye to me and started travelling away from me and my mother…. My grandma, and my close friend came down that week to comfort me and my mom about this… I cried a lot… Fast forward a couple of years I have my first panic attack and my mom called up my therapist and my therapist said that I had to tell my dad what he did to me. I said half of the things that he had did for me… Fast forward to last year I’m getting picked on for stupid reasons and can’t mentally defend myself (trauma trauma) nobody knows that the reason I can’t defend myself (especially from men/boys) is due to the trauma my own father gave to me. Still having panic/ anxiety attacks monthly (mother has no idea) my mom stopped my therapy for some reason, I moved schools, losing myself slowly, can’t vent to friends irl, having constant over thinking, and the other good stuff from trauma!!!
I needed to get this off my chest before I head to bed so hopefully I won’t have my monthly panic attack from this week….
Please continue reading if you are comfortable with what I am about to say!
It’s a mess btw!
A couple of years before covid started my father struggled finding a job, paying attention to me, and other things like that. Whenever my mother would leave the house my dad would yell at me for various reasons. One time it was for dropping a plastic cup! And being ever so innocent back then I thought, “Oh this is completely normal!” I also argued with my father that at the dinner table people don’t have a specific spot at the table (yes I am serious)… back then and still today I have trouble speaking out about what people are doing wrong and how it angers me stuff like that. Another time I argued with my father and my mother came into the house and just watched me yell at my dad while over something I couldn’t deal with anymore. Ever since that day my parents argued and fought and I would be right there listening to them fighting my mom many times threatened my dad that she will kick him out of the house, divorce, and other things like that. One time my mom took off her wedding ring and my dad storm out of the house… (don’t worry guys he came back!) fast forward 4 months I’m on summer break and my parents sit me down saying that they are separating and need some space from each other. I almost cried right in front of them ( I didn’t want to show them that I was sad about this and that I understood why that was happening I didn’t 😀) fast forward a WEEK after my birthday… I moved out of a house and my dad said goodbye to me and started travelling away from me and my mother…. My grandma, and my close friend came down that week to comfort me and my mom about this… I cried a lot… Fast forward a couple of years I have my first panic attack and my mom called up my therapist and my therapist said that I had to tell my dad what he did to me. I said half of the things that he had did for me… Fast forward to last year I’m getting picked on for stupid reasons and can’t mentally defend myself (trauma trauma) nobody knows that the reason I can’t defend myself (especially from men/boys) is due to the trauma my own father gave to me. Still having panic/ anxiety attacks monthly (mother has no idea) my mom stopped my therapy for some reason, I moved schools, losing myself slowly, can’t vent to friends irl, having constant over thinking, and the other good stuff from trauma!!!
I needed to get this off my chest before I head to bed so hopefully I won’t have my monthly panic attack from this week….
