I'm Worried About My Future

Sometimes, I want to start over in a different reality where I was born how I'm trying to become this reality.. And i felt like we don't have forever, so I'm trying to do it sooner than later. But then, I seen something launched, and it makes me wonder how long will this all last? Around a decade ago, I was crying and asking God to make me a girl or just end my life.. And there's a way to become one now.. And it just hurts cause we came this far, and what if it leads to more fighting when they launched that.. And I just thought we were passed doing wars.. I think of fun times with friends and the way it feels when you really really like a guy.. The way my tummy tingles, the way I blanked out thinking of him, the way my face lit up whenever I seen him.. And I don't want things to change to not be able to know what that's like. It feels so much better than the anger and devastation that fighting brought...