It seems like you’re trying to justify your decision of not forgiving him, meaning that deep down you wish you could forgive. But you can actually forgive someone and not have them in your life ever again. Forgiving and letting go is better for your soul.

These wounds are still fresh. You're allowed to be angry. With time perhaps you will be able let go.

Tequila helps.

Fuck him. Just go find a man who treats you better.