I Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now
I would care less of what others thought if I only knew that they would just disappear one day.
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Kodel · 26-30, M
That's sad to hear. I know the feeling though. You want to hold on to people while they are there and we always hope that they want to hold on to us as well but when they go, we can't help but feel that sting as we realise that they didn't want to hold on to us as well. When you meet the right people, they will stick around and they will make the effort to do so. Those people are more than worth the pain of all that have left in the past. You will find those people.
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Kodel · 26-30, M
@Lovve I honestly felt very similarly to your post as well. It's been the story of most of my life to be honest.
At the moment I have a friend who has completely pulled away from me because I was showing her a lot of attention. After we sorted out some things I made it clear to her that I was coming from a place of friendship yet not only did she continue to pull away, she went and spent all of her free time with someone else. If ever I asked her if she had time for me, she would say that she needed time to herself.
These last few weeks have left me in tears a lot because I've had to reduce the value of that connection. We've barely spoken these last few weeks and it's honestly been heartbreaking. Upon observations I've deduced that she lives in superficiality. She only wants surface level connections with people. I can't do that. I need meaningful connections. Your situation spoke so much to how I'm currently feeling I had to let you know that you aren't alone.
That is my biggest fear Lovve. Being alone, forever. In moments when I feel it I have to reach out to others to let them know that you're not alone. If you feel like this then you truly value the connections you make with the right people and that's amazing. That's a rarity in today's day and age. I wish I knew more people like you. It's never something to be ashamed about. It causes us pain when we meet the wrong people but it brings us indescribable joy when we meet the right people.
At the moment I have a friend who has completely pulled away from me because I was showing her a lot of attention. After we sorted out some things I made it clear to her that I was coming from a place of friendship yet not only did she continue to pull away, she went and spent all of her free time with someone else. If ever I asked her if she had time for me, she would say that she needed time to herself.
These last few weeks have left me in tears a lot because I've had to reduce the value of that connection. We've barely spoken these last few weeks and it's honestly been heartbreaking. Upon observations I've deduced that she lives in superficiality. She only wants surface level connections with people. I can't do that. I need meaningful connections. Your situation spoke so much to how I'm currently feeling I had to let you know that you aren't alone.
That is my biggest fear Lovve. Being alone, forever. In moments when I feel it I have to reach out to others to let them know that you're not alone. If you feel like this then you truly value the connections you make with the right people and that's amazing. That's a rarity in today's day and age. I wish I knew more people like you. It's never something to be ashamed about. It causes us pain when we meet the wrong people but it brings us indescribable joy when we meet the right people.
Lovve · 26-30
@Kodel It is very encouraging just to hear those words, that you feel the same way as me. It’s sort of peculiar how similar we are in fact, I recently just lost another friend in a similar fashion... But even though they have come to speak with me again, I struggle to feel the same level of comfort I did with them before.
It doesn’t feel anything the same it used to, I feel like a toy ready to be thrown away at a moments notice again and I won’t allow that, especially when they were the ones to encourage me to get close to them only to do that. It is just difficult to trust their honesty now.
I hope you meet those right people Kovos, I haven’t found even one yet, but I will keep searching knowing there’s people you out there. I wouldn’t want them to be alone, as that’s probably the scariest thing I could imagine too.
I am glad to know that I am not just seeing things wrong in comparison to everyone else.
It doesn’t feel anything the same it used to, I feel like a toy ready to be thrown away at a moments notice again and I won’t allow that, especially when they were the ones to encourage me to get close to them only to do that. It is just difficult to trust their honesty now.
I hope you meet those right people Kovos, I haven’t found even one yet, but I will keep searching knowing there’s people you out there. I wouldn’t want them to be alone, as that’s probably the scariest thing I could imagine too.
I am glad to know that I am not just seeing things wrong in comparison to everyone else.
Kodel · 26-30, M
@Lovve Like minded souls are everywhere in this world. It's just very rare that they actually meet.
I imagine I will probably feel the same way about this friend. I hadn't seen her this way before but now all I can see is that inherently selfish nature that she was displaying to me. No care for me at all just keeping herself in the spotlight.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that pain too. I went far and wide for this particular girl trying to make her feel as loved as I could and now she's pushing me away like that love never meant anything to her, not as a partner or as a friend. That stung something fierce. Trust me when I say that the right people won't throw you away. They will see how valuable you are and will want to keep you close.
I've met a couple but they rarely have time for me. They make as much as they can but I still find myself quite lonely. I have a lot of care to give and try to give it out but there are so few people ready to receive it. Or at least that's what they act like. You will find those people too Lovve. When you know you've found someone you want to keep and they have the same intent, you feel it so much stronger than the superficial nature of many others.
I imagine I will probably feel the same way about this friend. I hadn't seen her this way before but now all I can see is that inherently selfish nature that she was displaying to me. No care for me at all just keeping herself in the spotlight.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I know that pain too. I went far and wide for this particular girl trying to make her feel as loved as I could and now she's pushing me away like that love never meant anything to her, not as a partner or as a friend. That stung something fierce. Trust me when I say that the right people won't throw you away. They will see how valuable you are and will want to keep you close.
I've met a couple but they rarely have time for me. They make as much as they can but I still find myself quite lonely. I have a lot of care to give and try to give it out but there are so few people ready to receive it. Or at least that's what they act like. You will find those people too Lovve. When you know you've found someone you want to keep and they have the same intent, you feel it so much stronger than the superficial nature of many others.
