He chewed me up and spit me back out

I'm At work and my heart is under so much stress that there's no rhythm to its beating. Having to see him is the worst part of my days.
The most horrible.
I had rather die. My heartbeat makes me so uncomfortable. It's like it tries to stop every other beat. But somehow has no choice but to keep kickstarting itself back again. Why can't it just stop successfully once and for all.