I do not know your background story, so I am blind responding to the last sentence of your post whilst having read of course the entire post. There is a distinction between shame and guild. Shame is a painfulness towards the self. And guild is a paintfullness towards an action. The actions and sayings from others towards you does not make you as a person something others say you are, it does say something about those that say stuff about you. And you do not have to take it if you do not want it.

The mind naturally adjusts to the state that one thinks about. Progress comes easiest when it is sustainable to the goal you work towards. This has helped me personally over the years to tackle myself.. I hope it may be of use to you too! 🙂