May be hard to accept,but ...
I no longer belive that my feelings must guide me.
If ,like me, you were brought up in a very chaotic household that wasn't too disciplined, it makes it harder.
I don't believe that you necessarily get over everything, either.
What you do is learn to push through it and accept it.
I'm not going to get over my shyness for example.
But, I can push through it long enough to go out in public.
I'm not going to get over the death of my husband.
But,I can keep pushing through and get up each morning.
I'm probably not going to get over my anxiety and sometimes I'm going to be depressed.
But, I can push through the anxiety at least enough to seek out help even if it's just asking advice.
Today's culture mostly emphasis feelings.
I, think ,I can kind of understand it .
Way back somewhere it was "shut up and obey" which can't be a correct way to go about your life.
Somebody's going to tell you to do something terrible and if you just "shut up and obey" well that could cause problems.
I have this theory that the pendulum always swings too far the other way.
Once we discovered that young people do have a voice and sometimes it's worth listening to it went too far.
When we started thinking , acting, believing the same way as people with no experience ,no discipline, and were guided only by thier feelings, then all the grown-ups had left the building at that point.
We can't base everything on our feelings as we would end up doing nothing at all or at best the bare minimum.
Because, we didn't feel like it.
Perhaps, that's why we all complain that service and excellence in job performance is a disappearing commodity.
Why the infrastructure is crumbling.
Perhaps, we are fiddling while Rome is burning?
We also have some kind of belief that we must be praised or recognized for everything we do.
We need that heart or that star to make us feel good about ourselves.
In the old days there used to be a phrase "satisfied with the work well done" which was pretty much the opposite of getting any kind of praise or recognition, besides that which we knew ourselves that we had done the best we could and we're satisfied with the job we had done.
I honestly, think that kind of thinking makes us regulators of our own selfworth.
A self-worth that is independent of what other people believe.
Doesn't mean praise wasn't given,either, but it wasn't always sought out perpetually.
I can hear people saying well we should praise other people.
Why should we?
As in why should it be mandatory?
How about natural consequences for a job well done?
You keep your job-you get a raise?
You do the work -you get good grades?
You put in the effort-you gain results?
So, that an evaluation doesn't have to soften the blow anymore, because we have done so well it's praise well earned and not a few condescending remarks about the minimum effort we put in to make us feel better.
When we do praise society for every single little thing they do what happens, especially when they've done nothing that's all that praiseworthy?
We now praise people for just getting up in the morning, tell them they're great people for doing so.
We praise them for a job well done when it's less than a mediocre effort.
What we get is petulant entitled people.
Who put in the minimum effort but still believe they deserve maximum rewards.
People who are so upset about being ignored that they cut people out of their life without finding out what's going on first.
That cancel people, because they don't like what they're saying.
Which leads to an us against them and me against everyone else.
Where it's impossible to debate ideas, because everybody thinks their ideas are the only correct ones.
We could try thinking about what we do believe and making sure that we do in fact believe what we say we believe and that we are not just following the culture, a political party or just agreeing with the most popular view at the time.
We can see what not thinking ,relying solely on our emotions, and rewarding everybody for every ridiculous idea they have has got us.
A society where everybody hates each other to the point of killing someone for having a different opinion.
Or taking people off the air because we don't like what they just said.
And each side believing firmly, because of their feelings, they are correct.
We have thrown out some very good things along with the incorrect belief that people should just shut up and obey.
We have thrown out the belief that we must have some kind of discipline, that feelings are there to act as a barometer not as a guide, that not everybody can have their own way, that you are not the most important person in the universe, that it is better to do a good job with no praise, than to do a bad job and somebody tell you it was great.
How can you learn if you're never told anything hard about yourself?
I'm not talking about brutal honesty just honesty.
We were becoming a society that was insipid and trying to say everybody could be right and spare everybody's feelings at any cost and some of that still remains, but it's now mostly self-focused.
Which in my opinion, is worse than just trying to be polite to people so we avoid hard truths.
It's now becoming I'm right -everyone else is wrong.
It is impossible to live in such a society peacefully.
Now, the pendulum has swung way too far the other way and we're at each other's throats.
And many of us don't get anywhere in our own personal lives, because we have to "feel" something instead of measuring results.
As I write this I realize I am talking to myself as much as anyone else.
Especially the parts about pushing through and not believing that I'm just a victim of some kind of random emotions that I can't regulate.
It'd be more accurate to say I wasn't taught how to regulate; it is up to me to figure that out.
I do know there are two things I no longer believe
1.That I must be captive to my emotions
2. And that I must love myself above everybody else
What I believe now is :
1. I must find out how to regulate my emotions and be disciplined in my life
2. That I must treat people the way I would like to be treated; whether I agree with them or not.*
It is taking me a long time not to be a wimpy person afraid of everyone else's opinions and to not be a person who is regulated by every emotion I have.
And some days I still have to question those feelings, but I am questioning them; not just letting them take over anymore.
*Please notice that I don't have to even pretend to agree with them, I just don't like it when people demand I agree with them; so, I must not demand they agree with me.
If ,like me, you were brought up in a very chaotic household that wasn't too disciplined, it makes it harder.
I don't believe that you necessarily get over everything, either.
What you do is learn to push through it and accept it.
I'm not going to get over my shyness for example.
But, I can push through it long enough to go out in public.
I'm not going to get over the death of my husband.
But,I can keep pushing through and get up each morning.
I'm probably not going to get over my anxiety and sometimes I'm going to be depressed.
But, I can push through the anxiety at least enough to seek out help even if it's just asking advice.
Today's culture mostly emphasis feelings.
I, think ,I can kind of understand it .
Way back somewhere it was "shut up and obey" which can't be a correct way to go about your life.
Somebody's going to tell you to do something terrible and if you just "shut up and obey" well that could cause problems.
I have this theory that the pendulum always swings too far the other way.
Once we discovered that young people do have a voice and sometimes it's worth listening to it went too far.
When we started thinking , acting, believing the same way as people with no experience ,no discipline, and were guided only by thier feelings, then all the grown-ups had left the building at that point.
We can't base everything on our feelings as we would end up doing nothing at all or at best the bare minimum.
Because, we didn't feel like it.
Perhaps, that's why we all complain that service and excellence in job performance is a disappearing commodity.
Why the infrastructure is crumbling.
Perhaps, we are fiddling while Rome is burning?
We also have some kind of belief that we must be praised or recognized for everything we do.
We need that heart or that star to make us feel good about ourselves.
In the old days there used to be a phrase "satisfied with the work well done" which was pretty much the opposite of getting any kind of praise or recognition, besides that which we knew ourselves that we had done the best we could and we're satisfied with the job we had done.
I honestly, think that kind of thinking makes us regulators of our own selfworth.
A self-worth that is independent of what other people believe.
Doesn't mean praise wasn't given,either, but it wasn't always sought out perpetually.
I can hear people saying well we should praise other people.
Why should we?
As in why should it be mandatory?
How about natural consequences for a job well done?
You keep your job-you get a raise?
You do the work -you get good grades?
You put in the effort-you gain results?
So, that an evaluation doesn't have to soften the blow anymore, because we have done so well it's praise well earned and not a few condescending remarks about the minimum effort we put in to make us feel better.
When we do praise society for every single little thing they do what happens, especially when they've done nothing that's all that praiseworthy?
We now praise people for just getting up in the morning, tell them they're great people for doing so.
We praise them for a job well done when it's less than a mediocre effort.
What we get is petulant entitled people.
Who put in the minimum effort but still believe they deserve maximum rewards.
People who are so upset about being ignored that they cut people out of their life without finding out what's going on first.
That cancel people, because they don't like what they're saying.
Which leads to an us against them and me against everyone else.
Where it's impossible to debate ideas, because everybody thinks their ideas are the only correct ones.
We could try thinking about what we do believe and making sure that we do in fact believe what we say we believe and that we are not just following the culture, a political party or just agreeing with the most popular view at the time.
We can see what not thinking ,relying solely on our emotions, and rewarding everybody for every ridiculous idea they have has got us.
A society where everybody hates each other to the point of killing someone for having a different opinion.
Or taking people off the air because we don't like what they just said.
And each side believing firmly, because of their feelings, they are correct.
We have thrown out some very good things along with the incorrect belief that people should just shut up and obey.
We have thrown out the belief that we must have some kind of discipline, that feelings are there to act as a barometer not as a guide, that not everybody can have their own way, that you are not the most important person in the universe, that it is better to do a good job with no praise, than to do a bad job and somebody tell you it was great.
How can you learn if you're never told anything hard about yourself?
I'm not talking about brutal honesty just honesty.
We were becoming a society that was insipid and trying to say everybody could be right and spare everybody's feelings at any cost and some of that still remains, but it's now mostly self-focused.
Which in my opinion, is worse than just trying to be polite to people so we avoid hard truths.
It's now becoming I'm right -everyone else is wrong.
It is impossible to live in such a society peacefully.
Now, the pendulum has swung way too far the other way and we're at each other's throats.
And many of us don't get anywhere in our own personal lives, because we have to "feel" something instead of measuring results.
As I write this I realize I am talking to myself as much as anyone else.
Especially the parts about pushing through and not believing that I'm just a victim of some kind of random emotions that I can't regulate.
It'd be more accurate to say I wasn't taught how to regulate; it is up to me to figure that out.
I do know there are two things I no longer believe
1.That I must be captive to my emotions
2. And that I must love myself above everybody else
What I believe now is :
1. I must find out how to regulate my emotions and be disciplined in my life
2. That I must treat people the way I would like to be treated; whether I agree with them or not.*
It is taking me a long time not to be a wimpy person afraid of everyone else's opinions and to not be a person who is regulated by every emotion I have.
And some days I still have to question those feelings, but I am questioning them; not just letting them take over anymore.
*Please notice that I don't have to even pretend to agree with them, I just don't like it when people demand I agree with them; so, I must not demand they agree with me.
56-60, F
