I might be going back to the Psyche Hospital

This morning my Mom found a knife in my bedroom that I’ve been using to cut myself. Now I might be going back to the psych ward even though I was just there two months ago. I would like to think I’m getting better but i’m not.

I’m trying to be patient as I look for a house to buy. I think living in my own home will be good for me and it will give me the freedom I want. I’ve worked really hard saving up money to buy my own home. But I can’t help how I feel.

I can’t help being so enraged all the time. I’m so angry at everyone in my life who has abandoned me in the past. And i’m also angry at myself for physically and emotionally hurting so many people.

It’s this storm of anger, sadness and guilt inside me. I’ve been this way my whole life and I don’t ever see it changing. Every friendship and romantic relationship I have ends in disaster. It’s a game that ends with me either you hurting me or me hurting you.