I have some good news.. great news really.. but it’s all mixed with bad news too..

And then there’s personal news.. and then I have things to be super excited and thrilled about..

But then my mood shifts to the bad news and I get extremely frustrated because things could be going so much better if it had worked out that way.

And then I have my personal bullshit where I’m emo’fied like a zombie and feelings if suicidal ideation ring throughout my instincts and reflexes..

And the only way to fight them is to just keep busy.. with anything.. absolutely anything.. but then I feel guilty for keeping busy.. I feel guilty for not trying to kill myself to end it.. and it’s a circle.. happy and excited for the good.. upset at the bad.. and then the self hatred for all the mistakes I’ve made in life that continue to haunt my current existence..

I can’t heal.. I can’t fix anything.. and I can’t find a logical form of peace of mind because all forms of logic dictate that I’m doing wrong for not being dead already..

Idk why I even bother vent posting about stuff.. I’ll probably feel guilty for the vent post too.. but if I don’t let my thoughts out on some kind of virtual page I can’t move on to the next cycle of the circle so idk……