I am not okay
One Month Without Jeremy
Today marks one month since we lost Jeremy.
One whole month without him, and somehow it still doesn’t feel real. I keep waiting for this to hurt a little less, for the shock to wear off, for my heart to understand that he’s really gone.
But it hasn’t.
It still hurts just as much. Maybe even more.
I’m not okay. I wish I could say I’m finding my way through this, but the truth is I’m not. I’m heartbroken. I’m exhausted. I’m lost. There are moments when I’m surrounded by the kids, the noise, the things that still have to be done, and somehow I can almost pretend everything is normal. Then something small happens and it hits me all over again...
Jeremy isn’t here.
I still look for him. I still think about what he would say. I still have moments where I want to tell him something, only to remember that I can’t. His things are still here. His little reminders are still around the house. His chair is still here. His favorite things are still here.
Everything is still here except him.
And I don’t know how we’re supposed to learn to live in a world without him.
The kids miss their daddy in ways that break my heart, and watching them hurt while I’m hurting too is something I don’t know how to put into words. We’re all trying to figure out how to do this, how to wake up every morning and keep going when the person we love so much is no longer here.
One month.
Thirty days of missing him. Thirty days of wishing I could have just one more conversation, one more hug, one more ordinary day with him.
I would give anything for one more ordinary day.
I know people probably expect that with time we’ll start feeling better, but right now I just feel broken. I’m not okay, and I don’t know when I will be.
I just know that I love him. I miss him. And my heart is still shattered over losing him.
One month without you, Jeremy.
I wish I could tell you how much we miss you.
I wish you were here. ❤
Today marks one month since we lost Jeremy.
One whole month without him, and somehow it still doesn’t feel real. I keep waiting for this to hurt a little less, for the shock to wear off, for my heart to understand that he’s really gone.
But it hasn’t.
It still hurts just as much. Maybe even more.
I’m not okay. I wish I could say I’m finding my way through this, but the truth is I’m not. I’m heartbroken. I’m exhausted. I’m lost. There are moments when I’m surrounded by the kids, the noise, the things that still have to be done, and somehow I can almost pretend everything is normal. Then something small happens and it hits me all over again...
Jeremy isn’t here.
I still look for him. I still think about what he would say. I still have moments where I want to tell him something, only to remember that I can’t. His things are still here. His little reminders are still around the house. His chair is still here. His favorite things are still here.
Everything is still here except him.
And I don’t know how we’re supposed to learn to live in a world without him.
The kids miss their daddy in ways that break my heart, and watching them hurt while I’m hurting too is something I don’t know how to put into words. We’re all trying to figure out how to do this, how to wake up every morning and keep going when the person we love so much is no longer here.
One month.
Thirty days of missing him. Thirty days of wishing I could have just one more conversation, one more hug, one more ordinary day with him.
I would give anything for one more ordinary day.
I know people probably expect that with time we’ll start feeling better, but right now I just feel broken. I’m not okay, and I don’t know when I will be.
I just know that I love him. I miss him. And my heart is still shattered over losing him.
One month without you, Jeremy.
I wish I could tell you how much we miss you.
I wish you were here. ❤
