I'm so stupid, and I don't deserve friends

Everytime I play a shooter game or any game that shows how stupid and unskilled I am I get so anxious I freakout
I played a Roblox shooter game with my friends and I asked them multiple times if the wanted to keep playing and "how long are going to play for?" BC I didn't want to ring their fun
I get so anxious I get shaky
I start crying and I hate myself
I hate being so shitty
I hate how they see me being so ass
And I just feel like I do nothing but cause problems
I hate it
I don't want to be the person who just whines about everything and anything
I wish I never felt like this
I wish I was better

I ended up going afk for a bit where I just stayed on the sofa and petted my dog before coming back
Then I started to feel freaked out again but even worse
So I ended up just disconnecting my WiFi
And now I'm sitting here
Hating myself for being so weak
Hating everything about me
And just
Wishing I was dead
I feel so shitty
I don't know