I wish there was someone out there to be my family.

I don't know how I continue pushing. Sick, tired, working every day and being a parent without any support in a country that just keeps making it harder to exist.

My son is disappointed because we can't afford fun things. I've been trying to get him a bike for a year but every time I have a few extra bucks something breaks or needs fixed.

I do everything for the house and his dad is supposed to help but he is a literal blob on the floor. Anything that is his responsibility piles up until I do it. And he won't be a parent. He gets done with work and sits on his phone the rest of the day. I have asked him at least a hundred times to please try for our son's sake, but he simply won't do it and I can't force him, we're divorced.

My life is pathetic.

Everyone I've met for last ten years has been a taker. Not anyone I would allow around my son.

I wish so so so bad that my son had a real dad. I wish all the work I did paid me enough to survive. I have tried and tried and have been let down over and over.

Why can't there be one person that loves us?

Why can't there be one person that wants to get off their ass and play with us and laugh and help?

Why don't we deserve that?

What have I done so bad? Why am I so ugly and unlovable I have to drag my son through his life like I am a hindrance to him.

I haven't cried about this in awhile. I've tried to shut up and be strong but that doesn't do any good either.

I'm to the point of charging food on my credit card. I work every single day. How is it not enough? Why am I not enough?

Why doesn't anyone care about us?