Some nights…

Some nights I sit here alone and I am happy with the time alone but tonight I feel like I’m drowning in loneliness and tears just stream down my face.

I miss being held, kissed touched but then I realise them moments weren’t real and that makes me even sad.

I gave myself to people who didn’t love me the way I needed to be loved but what hurts is I truly loved them.

Truth is they don’t love themselves and I was trying to love them while depriving myself of love.

So much has changed in my life and tbh I don’t have anyone now because I’m tired of giving to the wrong people.

But tonight I’m sad, I’m sad for so many things and sad because I just want to be held and loved on an emotional level not surface level.

Sad times but I am hopeful life will get better and that love with find me.. just not now for now I have to heal, cry and love myself the way I want to be loved.