I Am Sad

Lately I've been using SW as my feelings dump.

Almost 1pm here and I am still in my pyjamas, I dont want to leave my bed. In fact I would sleep all day if I didnt have stuff to do.

I feel physically sick all the time, due to anxiousness and I dont eat or drink much. Yesterday I only had dinner and a little bit of soda.

Tomorrow I will finally speak to a counsellor and even though I have friends who have been there for me I still feel alone.

I want to rewind back to a time that I didnt feel this way, back to a time that I could see my bf. I feel like I have reverted to a childish needy like state and I hate it. I hate feeling like I need people around constantly.

I dont even look forward to my hobbies much anymore, I just look forward to being asleep.

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Peppa · 31-35, F

I can understand how you are feeling. I was feeling like this before the lockdown then I started to start my life again. Then lockdown happened. I was actually doing well. But dad died and some days I've actually just been sat on the sofa for hours on end not had a drink or eaten, even been to the toilet.
I was happy two days ago then met my mum who was feeling low and has been so depressed she doesn't move. Seeing her she looked so miserable, sleepless and not as groomed as usual. U understand. But seeing her like that set me back.
I spent the next day in bed all day. I guess I picked up her energy. For years I've tried to help her psychologically but I have come to the understanding that she enjoys feeling like this. (not because it's fun, but because she's hardly ill, a break mentally means she gets to stop for a period of time)
I kind of understand that but these breaks can last 6 months--a year. She will go to work but all over things seize to exist. Including maintaining her home and her food cupboards bare or expired.
Washing up piled up and mouldy.

I respect that you have sought out help. I urge you to listening to headspace too.
They are really good for anxiety. I say this because it's about reconditioning your brain. You feel lethargic and anxious but listening to someone or something trying to soothe you eventually takes effect.
If you like hip hop there's a guy called londrelle he does hip hop meditation.
He is life.
Sorry I'm rambling and probably isn't helping your anxiety. But I've learned staying stagnant for long periods of time actually enhances anxiety.
Noones saying ignore pausing if that's what you need to do as it's good for you and noones saying being so busy you never take a break because that is just as unhealthy it's about finding a balance for your body at that time. And the resources to accommodate those feelings...

You are not alone.
I fight this every day. And I'm always happy to try and help if I can.
But if my proactive doing approach is too much I understand too. It's not for everyone.

MissMoon · 26-30, F

@Peppa Thanks for your reply, I am sorry to hear about your dad and that your mum hasnt been doing well as a result :(

Yeah, the counselling tomorrow is going to be a step towards dealing with what's going on, I hope. Theres a lot going on that I dont want to post in detail, though some of it like family issues I have posted in the past.